Polyamory in the News!
. . . by Alan M.

April 17, 2007

"Three in a Bed: Hidden Lives"

Channel 5 TV (Great Britain)

On April 16, 2007, British TV Channel 5 aired a one-hour documentary on poly triad households. If you can deal with BitTorrents (good luck), you can download the show from the link at the end of this post.

The following blurb is from throng, "UK's TV watching community."

Monday, 21.00–22.00

How would you feel if your wife got herself a new boyfriend, had his baby and moved him into the house you share? Most people would balk at the idea — but not everyone. This week, Five’s sensational documentary strand gets acquainted with some of the most unusual relationships in Britain — threesomes.

There is a family in South Wales which is markedly different to most homes in the area. As well as four kids, two cats, a bulldog and five ferrets, there are three adults — John, Shanea and Noel. Shanea explains: “I love John. I love Noel. Noel loves me. John loves me.”

John and Shanea married in 1994 and had three children soon after. It was then that Shanea and John decided to have an open marriage, after which Shanea met Noel and fell in love with him. Shanea told husband John all about him and soon after, the two men met. Noel was surprised at how well he and John got on. “We had a drink and hit it off. It’s been like that ever since,” Noel explains. The vast majority of men would not have welcomed another man into their marriages, but John was different — even after Noel got Shanea pregnant. Soon after, Noel and the new arrival Mercy moved into the family home for good. But how does John really feel about sharing his wife with Noel? “He makes her happy,” he says. “Anyone who makes her happy isn’t all that bad.”

Although their lives sound like a bohemian erotic fantasy, the reality is far more humdrum. With four kids to bring up, their lives are hectic and the couples have sparse opportunity to spend ‘quality time’ together. The trio sleep in the same bed, but Noel and John are both heterosexual — the threesome’s first and last drunken experiment together ended in disaster. “It’s not something either of the lads felt comfortable with,” says Shanea. However, she seems perfectly happy with their unorthodox sleeping arrangements. “I love it when they both fall asleep on me,” she enthuses. “I feel so totally at peace.”

The threesome function as a family quite happily, with their older kids fully aware of the situation. As for toddler Mercy, Shanea says: “She refers to John as Dad and Noel as Daddy. That’s the way it will stay.” The threesome are well aware that their set-up is far from regular, and that compared to their peers, their kids have a unusual homelife. They feel, however, that their children are blessed with more love and support than most families are able to offer.

Far away from the provincial environs of the Welsh valleys, another threesome are putting the ‘swinging’ back into London. Twentysomething Aussie librarian Davina married Dean, but on the discovery that she was bisexual, invited fellow librarian Jen into their marriage. And unlike Noel, John and Shanea, this threesome do a lot more than just sleep in their shared bed. All three profess to be having a wonderful time, without any jealousy or insecurity. “I feel we all love each other the same amount and in the same way, so there’s nothing to be jealous about,” says Dean. And how does he feel when the girls exclude him from certain activities? “I get to watch,” smiles Dean. Although life is sweet at the moment for Dean and his two girls, how will his mother feel when she finds out about her son’s triangular love life? Watch as he makes the call home...

Also in Monday’s programme, we see the darker side of threesomes, and meet married couple Sarah and Ben from Southampton, whose marriage did not survive polyamory.

You can leave a comment at this story's site.

See Promo photo. The show was produced by Landmark Films in Oxford, which seems to specialize in human and animal oddities.

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Anonymous Noel said...

Hey Alan,

It's Noel (From the show) I read your thread and found this for you, mate:


Hope it helps!



April 20, 2007 2:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Unfortunately I can't get it to download :( I found Ben and Sarah's story very interesting.


May 05, 2007 2:03 PM  
Anonymous Inni said...

The show can be downloaded here:

December 12, 2007 6:27 PM  
Blogger DestinyArchitect said...

*Thanks for the writeup, Alan! (and very cool & needed blog you do!)
**Actually I discovered your writeup after seeing the video: after today 1st hearing about so seeing this video so then Google Searching to get its backstory, as
*On "Thu, Nov 28, 2013 at 9:19 AM", YouTube's automatic (and apparently very smart!) "We think you'd like..." emailed me this INSTANCE OF THIS VIDEO ON YOUTUBE http://youtu.be/DCYzcX6xzBc (in full, and with commercials removed) - a new link for the page, answering readers & commenters Qs on where to see it, and this time easier (no downloads, & familiar YouTube) plus hopefully a legit-else-tolerated copy. :-)
*And I found it this video very good, something I plan to share at poly and romance meetings as a secondary intro: fun & lightly-funny but also real & balanced, and poly-respectful (though seemingly only if the poly is NOT planned), and with great backstory & future expectation (on how each relationships came about and now seems to be expected), though weak background research & defining polyamory (indeed only 1st mention it 72% thru http://youtu.be/DCYzcX6xzBc?t=34m18s and rather over-simplistic & dismissively “They called themselves polyamorists, a posh way of saying you don't want to stick with one partner”!), nor mentioning (by the narrator) any further details nor poly org details; but if one temporarily puts aside these important shortcomings, I found the video nearly as good as similar Lisa Ling's documentary "I Love You & You... & You" http://meetup.com/OC-Polyamory/events/108862682 (my writeup & promo of it)
*So why doesn't the producer list it on their website at all?? - http://landmarkfilms.com/productions (which appears to list all their works and even Google Search(inurl:landmarkfilms (hidden lives) OR (Threee in a bed)) finds no mention of it. Why? Could they be ashamed of it, or got into trouble from it? -I hope not!
*I also can't find it in IMDB, though:
**the apparent-series Hidden Lives could be http://imdb.com/title/tt1795062 and
**the producer Landmark Films (GB) is http://imdb.com/company/co0128630 .
*Hope all this helps, & thanks.

Sincerely, -Destiny, social & software architect & author, including including poly community group founder since 2004, http://1.JotHere.com/M6Dest

December 04, 2013 4:37 AM  
Anonymous Gabriela said...

I just saw the video "Three in a bed" and am in awe! The thing that struck me the most is how sensitive, egoless, selfless and intelligent all of the people portrayed on the show are. Wonderful, radiant human beings who were able to go beyond their egos (which often manifest as the compulsion to "own" exclusively goods and people) and go beyond socially expected behaviours and taboos. What they did (and hopefully are still doing) was, I think, to tap into an incredible inner reservoir of love (self-love and love of others), trust, courage and self-confidence... Incredibly strong and also incredibly soft you all are. Also I want to say that I especially connected to John and Ben. Although I found everyone quite amazing, John's fierce and confident masculinity that wasn't damaged by his wife other lover just swept me off my feet (perhaps he understood, on a deep level, that being a man is about owning oneself and not other people). And Ben... Ben is just a Good Man. Although his sadness was palpable, he is the personification of integrity and intelligence.
All of you... thankyou with all my heart for reinforcing my Love and Faith in Humanity. Oh and... your children are amazing and lucky to have you as their parents.

Many blessings to you all.

January 15, 2016 11:18 AM  

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