Polyamory in the News!
. . . by Alan M.

March 23, 2008

"Sharing the Love"

Cherrie (Australia)

A glossy queer-women's magazine in Australia has a sweet, earnest introduction to polyamory in its February issue, written by a practitioner:

By Nikó Antalffy

...Many lesbians, queer and bi women have discovered this ethical non-monogamy for themselves and are benefiting from it. For some it’s a fresh alternative to more common forms of non-consensual monogamy, such as cheating or overlapping serial monogamy — scenarios that indicate frustrations with the limitations of traditional ways of forming relationships.

For Kittie, a 40-year-old Sydneysider, poly comes out of bisexuality. “If you like both genders it’s difficult to confine yourself to just one person,” she says. “It has to be a process of negotiation of compatibility. In poly relationships things may be more complicated but I end up being less resentful. It also gives me a good conceptual underpinning for my identity.”

Many think of poly as a truly progressive ethical alternative — a kind of ‘open source’ love for the 21st century that brings new forms, expressions and patterns of love, sex and relationships. Some want to reclaim ‘sluthood’ while others are just drawn by the possibility of free self-expression in sexuality, lifestyle and intimacy.

Poly is an honest alternative to the restrictions of monogamy. “Mono people tend to live a lie,” says Huntress, a bisexual poly mistress in Adelaide. “They have affairs and breach each other’s trust; poly is a more honest kind of relationship.” She and her male primary partner live together, but she also has poly girlfriends sometimes and plays with girls at parties. She finds that lesbian circles are less accepting of poly than the BDSM community she normally mixes with, but being honest and upfront about her open relationships helps and she believes poly is gradually becoming more accepted in general. “When poly works it’s wonderful, but you have to be open and honest and have to work on possible jealousy issues,” Huntress says. “It’s a mono-centric world but we need to have more choices in the future. Gender is already becoming less relevant, and as straight and gay become less clear-cut concepts, perhaps monogamy will go the same way.”

We poly folk love the abundance of intimacy and sexual freedom our lifestyle offers yet are mindful that this requires open and honest negotiation of relationships rules and a thorough expression of personal needs between partners and lovers. The very idea of poly embraces sexual diversity and poly folk revel in the reality of multiple genders, sexual orientations and sexual expressions — all the more to have fun with! Yet there is awareness that this dream has to be worked on: it takes strength, insight and perseverence to form strong and honest relationships and queer poly tribes that foster diverse sexual pathways in life.

...We learn to negotiate full consent, set personal relationship rules or guidelines, work on communication, articulate values and needs, and learn to deal with jealousy. These aren’t always easy and poly isn’t for everyone, yet a poly lifestyle can be a deeply satisfying and fulfilling choice for many people.

Lisa, a 43-year-old lesbian in Brisbane finds poly rich and liberating. “I want to live with liberty and freedom,” she says. “Poly for me overcomes the heterosexist patriarchal limitations of monogamy, which is based on the lie of the happily ever after. I have a life-long female partner, have long-term girlfriends and casual relationships. I have a 16-year-old daughter and enjoy the support of a strong women’s community. The GLBT community needs to realise that poly is the new queer. It’s not scary, it’s a beautiful subversive movement that has a lot to offer for the future.”

Read the complete article.

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Blogger Alan said...

Okay, this raises the question: if you're poly, do you qualify as "queer"?

On the Yes side: if you're poly you're weird, you break sexual-social norms, and you freak the normals.

On the No side (as espoused by queerer queers): if you're poly you may be sexually straight or even heteronormative, and you can shed your queerness as easily as the hippies who called themselves "the white blacks" could return to white privilege by getting a shave and a haircut.


March 24, 2008 4:24 PM  
Blogger Ashbet said...

Somehow, the link to Pepper Mint's article is pointing back to this Poly In The News page -- do you have a working link?

I think of polyamory as being another expression of queerdom -- I'm already queer because I am a woman who loves women, I think that being a woman who loves men *and* women (often at the same time) is another identity within the queer umbrella.

It's an interesting question, though -- I'd like to say yes, because it's an alternate way of sexual and romantic expression, and at least for me, it's a sexual orientation -- I'm hardwired for poly, always have been, and monogamy just doesn't work for me.

If you're poly-oriented, at a given moment, you can have a relationship with only one person (and therefore be "invisible" in society), but that's invisibility in the same way that bisexuality is invisible -- depending on the partner that you're with, you're usually perceived as being either straight or gay unless you're actively speaking up otherwise.

I was just reading an interesting article on the subject here (link goes to a .pdf):


-- A :)

March 26, 2008 2:51 PM  
Blogger Ashbet said...

BTW, was this the article you were referring to?


I can't find one with that specific title.

-- A <3

March 26, 2008 2:54 PM  
Blogger Alan said...

Here is the correct link to Pepper Mint's thoughtful article: Polyamory Is Not Necessarily Queer.

March 26, 2008 4:14 PM  

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