More women's mags describe poly marriage
Not just the June Redbook (see previous entry), but the June issues of Glamour and Marie Claire pile on too with upbeat bits about open marriage. Each of the two gives a cameo appearance to Jenny Block, whose memoir Open: Love, Sex & Life in an Open Marriage is about to hit bookstores. From Glamour:
...Block: The divorce rate is 50 percent. A lot of people are unhappy in monogamy and cheating anyway. If no one comes forward about open marriage, it'll never be seen as normal.
Glamour: You're not jealous?
Block: Sometimes, but I've learned jealousy is something we create to "own" our partner. We think one person should be everything romantically and sexually.
Glamour: Are you saying we should all try open relationships?
Block: Not at all. I'm prescribing that we all try honest ones.
In Marie Claire: "Three's a Crowd? Maybe Not."
...Q: So why an open marriage?
A: My husband and I got married to take care of each other, to love and support one another, have a kid together. Having sex with other people in no way affects my ability or my desire to have that.
...Q: What's your relationship with your girlfriend like?
A: She's basically like my best friend, only sometimes I sleep with her.
...Q: What do you tell your 9-year-old daughter?
A: I tell her I'm staying at my girlfriend's house. She doesn't know we're hooking up. And eventually, she'll just learn that's how things work in our house. When she asks, we'll just say, "Everybody chooses to live and love and put together their families in different ways. This is how we put together ours."
Says Block about all this notice, "We're getting more mainstream than I ever dreamed would be possible this soon!" She asks in her book-tour newsletter, "Is polyamory the new black?"
Incidentally: Quite a few couples say their marriages have been enhanced and eased by being, as it turned out, "theoretically open" or "theoretically poly." That is, they've agreed that it's okay to develop other relationships, but neither spouse has yet felt a reason to do it. This situation is explored in an interesting Blowfish essay by Greta Christina, The Joys of Theoretical Non-Monogamy, and in its subsequent comments from readers:
I have found that non-monogamy is a tremendously valuable asset to our relationship... even when neither of us does much of anything about it. The main advantage of non-monogamy isn’t necessarily all the wild monkey sex you get to have with all the hot babes. For me, the main advantage of non-monogamy is that it makes the issue of Other People pretty much a non-issue.
When I was in monogamous relationships... Other People were always an issue. Is my partner having sex with someone else? Are they flirting with someone else? Do they think that other person is more attractive than me? Should I be worried about what they’re doing? Am I worrying over nothing? Am I deluding myself into believing there’s nothing to worry about when really there is?...
But when you’re not monogamous, the Gothic soap opera vanishes like a bad dream in daylight.