Polyamory in the News!
. . . by Alan M.

June 23, 2017

Yahoo Style: "When Your Husband Comforts You After Your Breakup With a Boyfriend"

Here's an example of how easy it is to represent your poly life accurately in the media, if you do it in a way where your thoughts will come through clean and clear.

A woman in an open couple got connected with a writer for PopSugar and did what was clearly an email interview. This way you can craft your own text carefully at your own speed — and both you and the outlet know you have a written record, so there'd better be no question about misquoting you. You can ask for anonymity if you want, and you can send a sweet photo of your own choosing, like the one below. It's hard for an email interview to go wrong.

The reporter has two incentives to do it this way. They too have a written record in case of a dispute — and you do most of the writing work while they get the pay and credit!

How to get started? Find a likely outlet (small is fine), look on the staff list for a writer who has treated similar topics well, and send them a letter telling why you'd be an interesting subject for them.

In this case the heavyweight Yahoo Style immediately picked up the interview from its original site. There's a demand for our voices.

When Your Husband Comforts You After Your Breakup With a Boyfriend — 1 Woman Shares Her Polyamorous Story

By Tara Block

Ben and Sara

Sara and Ben (names have been changed) are a happily married, millennial couple in an open relationship. We reached out to Sara to share some insight into their journey to polyamory, the ground rules they've set, and what it's like to date other people — and maybe even fall in love with other people — when you're already married to someone you love.

...When did you decide to have an open relationship?

We started talking about being monogamish (which later evolved into full-blown polyamory, haha) about two years into our relationship. Seven years ago.

Who initiated it? How did the conversation go?

Ben is an open-minded person who has never been a big believer in social constructions or tradition. I am a bit more of a rule follower, but definitely liberal and nonjudgmental. He brought up the idea of him being comfortable with me casually dating other people early on in our relationship. He knew that he was my first boyfriend (I was 18), and he didn't want me to feel like I was missing out on dating. We talked about nonmonogamy in theory for a long time (two years?) before ever acting on it. In hindsight, I feel like this gave me time to get used to the idea and for us to build a solid foundation. One of my biggest takeaways from our relationship (and from hearing about other couple's open relationships) is that a successful nonmongamous relationship centers on honest communication and a strong connection between the couple.

...I was surprised by how nonjealous I felt. We took it really slow (lots and lots of conversation) and occasionally dated outside of our relationship. As time went on, the "casual" piece has become less and less important. I dated someone for over a year, and the consistency (and depth) was really nice. Ben was fully supportive — in fact, he prefers when I date someone longer term, because he trusts that I'm safe.... He has been seeing two women for about eight months, and again I am surprised by how normal it feels. ...

We shared a big laugh when we realized just how weird/unusual it is for a husband to comfort his wife about her breakup with a boyfriend.

Do you have ground rules? If so, what are they?

The biggest rule is communication — we try hard to balance respect for our other partners' privacy with open communication between the two of us. We are also always honest with the people we are dating. Everyone knows right off the bat that we are happily married, and thus not looking for a lifelong commitment. We also feel strongly about treating the people we date with respect and care (and expect to be treated the same). It makes me really happy (but also disappointed) that several of the women Ben has dated have said that he is the kindest, most respectful man they've been with. ...

Another big (and hopefully obvious) rule is condoms. ...

...Do your friends or family know?

My sister (who is also my best friend) and her husband know, which is extremely helpful. Finally telling them was a massive relief. I felt like I was living a double life for a while there, which I hated. We've also told a few close friends, all of whom have been awesome and supportive. The idea of telling our parents makes us both want to poop our pants. ...

This past year, we've been trying to tell new friends early on, because it is much less awkward. This has been a great strategy! We tend to attract open-minded people into our lives....

How has this arrangement helped your relationship?

I am 100 percent convinced that being in an open relationship has made our relationship better. We've honestly become closer through sharing our dating experiences with one another. We've always had an awesome sex life, and it's fun to be able to have sexual experiences outside of the relationship (it takes a lot of pressure for us to be all things for the other person). ...

The whole interview (June 21, 2017). PopSugar gave the original a title that was less expertly click-crafted: What Is It Like to Be in an Open Marriage? 1 Woman Shares Her Story.


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Blogger Alex Marcus-Jacobs said...

Reading the Yahoo article's comments just makes me feel ill.

I keep forgetting... never read the comments section.

June 24, 2017 10:00 AM  

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