These three folks had a slow and bumpy beginning. But once they discovered the word "polyamory" and started reading up, they realized they could create their own family the way they wanted.
Illy, Kayla, Will and the two older kids
Happy With Our 'Strange' Brood: Three kids, two mums, one dad — meet our polyamorous family
It might be unconventional, but Illy Mortus, 22, from Georgia, US, says life with her husband, their lover and their three children is perfect.
By Hannah Carroll and Sarra Gray
SITTING on the floor chatting as we changed nappies at the mother and baby group, Kayla and I looked just like all the other new mums.
The difference was that after the session, we wouldn’t go our separate ways – instead we would be heading back to the home we shared with my husband Will, the father of both our babies.
Some people may not be able to get their head around the idea, but I love being in a polyamorous relationship, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
It wasn’t always the three of us.
I got together with Will when I was just 16, after we met at a concert in September 2011.
...In January 2013, I met Kayla, who worked at the cafe where I’d just got a job. By the end of my first day I was overawed by her – she was confident, funny and beautiful. ...
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...I felt so conflicted, as I adored Kayla but I was betraying Will’s trust.
After four months, I felt I had to confess. Will and I had been together for four years, and I owed him my honesty.
...Will admitted he’d known deep down something was going on with Kayla, but then said as I still loved him, we’d make it work.
I couldn’t believe he was being so understanding, and that evening I typed into Google: ‘Is it possible to be in love with two people at the same time?’
Instantly, the word ‘polyamorous’ popped up, with an explanation referring to having sexual or romantic relationships with more than one person at once, with the consent of everyone involved.
It was such a relief to realise the way I felt wasn’t weird or wrong – I was just polyamorous.
Armed with my new title, I felt empowered, especially when I realised thousands of people across the world were the same.
When I told Will what I’d discovered, he blurted out that he was attracted to Kayla too, and perhaps we could invite her into our relationship.
The next morning, I excitedly pitched the idea to Kayla, who looked at me like I was deranged. How would it even work? I didn’t have the answers, but I knew I couldn’t give either of them up.
We talked about all of the pros and cons of having a three-way relationship, and I assured Kayla she wouldn’t feel left out even though Will and I had been a couple for so long.
We also discussed the effect it could have on my little girl.
We decided that things didn’t need to change for a while – I would stay in separate relationships with both. It worked really well, to the point that Will and I decided to get married in October 2015, and Kayla even helped with preparations.
It was nearly a year later, when I became pregnant with my second child that Kayla decided she wanted to be in a relationship with both of us.
...From then on we tried to do more as a threesome. Kayla would come over and sleep in our bed, and in January 2017, she officially joined our relationship and moved in.
By March, we felt ready to finally tell people about the situation.
Some friends asked if I might become jealous, but I was getting everything I had dreamed of: the two people I loved were falling in love with each other too.
Of course, a lot of people wanted to know how it all worked, and I’d explain that we tried to be very open and inclusive, so sex is often a group event.
But if the mood strikes when Kayla and I are cooking, then sex naturally happens. We’ve learned what each other likes, so it works whether we’re all together or one-on-one.
Most of our friends were accepting of our relationship, and so were Kayla’s family and mine.
However, when we told Will’s family, they took it badly, telling us that polyamory wasn’t love, it was just a fetish. I was half expecting that reaction, but it still hurt.
...The icing on the cake came for us in April 2017, when I was almost eight months pregnant – and Kayla discovered she was expecting, too.
...I gave birth to Willow, now 11 months, in May 2017, and Kayla had Xander, now three months, in December.
It’s fair to say we don’t have the most conventional family, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Soon Kayla is going to legally change her surname to Mortus to match mine and Will’s.
Thankfully Merliah, now almost four, is happy she has three parents.
She understands that most people just have two, but says she just has more people to love.
She’s even come up with a way to differentiate us all – I am Mummyo, Will is Daddyo and Kayla is Mummy.
We know it might not be smooth sailing when the kids get older, but when is it ever? They are going to face challenges, but we will tackle them as a family.
I feel so lucky, as I don’t just have two partners, I have two best friends.
One day I hope that polyamorous families aren’t viewed as strange, but until then I’m still happy to live with our unconventional love.
The whole article (April 1, 2018).
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