In this morning's USA Today online, by a millennial contributor:
Polyamory isn't just about sex or lack of commitment. People should be free to explore their options.
By Victoria Gagliardo-Silver, Opinion contributor
I do not feel threatened by feelings or relationships my partners have with other people because that does not make our relationship any less real.
...My friend looked horrified at the notion of me being "the other woman" in someone else's relationship, which I was quick to explain that was not the case. I, my new partner and his girlfriend, like many other millennials, are polyamorous.
Polyamory, or nonmonogamy, defined as the practice of having one or more open romantic relationships at any given time, has gotten a bad rap in modern culture. ...
But, did she fluff the definition there? Whatever people think "open" means, she left out that poly is "with the full knowledge and consent of all involved." Although it becomes clear later on that that's what she means.
....Myths and even positive news media portrayal show us that polyamory is all about crazy group sex, disloyalty and lack of commitment, something even I was guilty of believing at one point.
And if you fumble the definition, casual readers may get those ideas from you too.
In reality, polyamory is a lot less sexy or radical than it has been portrayed in the media. It is not just about having tons of sex or not committing, it is a refusal to limit myself to receiving love and affection from any one person. Instead, I am open to explore whatever may or may not develop, creating lasting friendships and honest relationships without expectations.
Whew, okay, there's the honesty part.
As a young woman in my 20s in a city of 8.6 million, monogamy feels restrictive and unsustainable. There isn't anything wrong with monogamy as a concept, but many young people, like myself, are exploring new types of relationships. ...
In 2018, the term "polyamory" was a constant high-interest term in Google searches. And our changing culture and growing acceptance of identity beyond the binary have paved the way for queer relationships and polyamory to be seen as valid.
(This graph does not tell whether there were many or few
searches on "polyamory" in 2018. It only shows their relative
weekly numbers, scaled to set the peak week at "100%.")
I was introduced to the concept of polyamory in the late summer of 2018 by a new friend, Deborah Joan. I was baffled by how she was able to balance a boyfriend, a (nonlegal) husband, a girlfriend, a fiancé in Europe and her five pets. In seeing Deborah interact with and speak about each person she loved, I learned that love shouldn't be restricted, that feeling love is the most human experience. It was then that I understood what polyamory really was about: sharing and engaging in a human experience.
It is not defined by sex but rather honesty. I am able to openly explore my own feelings toward other people; I am comfortable ending things with anyone I am seeing at any point; and most important for me, I am able to speak openly about my polyamorous endeavors with all of my partners. Monogamy might be something I am open to in the future, but at this point in my life, as a young 20-something in New York City, polyamory has given me everything I felt was lacking in my dating life.
...I have been given the opportunity to create healthier partnerships without the restrictions of monogamy. No longer do I find myself concerned about my partner "cheating" as I no longer expect them to only see me; I don't feel the need to look through their phones or ask where they were. I do not feel threatened by feelings or relationships they have with other people because that does not make our relationship any less real, or any less ours.
Rather, I feel an abundance of love, attention and affection that I am privileged enough to be able to exist in with people I care about. ...
Victoria Gagliardo-Silver is a New York-based writer and student. You can follow her on Twitter: @Viccsilver.
The whole article (March 20, 2019).
As with many millennials, her relationship style sounds like Relationship Anarchy, a well-developed philosophy that overlaps polyamory but is in some ways distinct.
Update: This piece made USA Today's selection of 6 of our top opinion pieces this week: ICYMI (March 22).
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