 |
| They're called the red tops. Laugh, but they were a major force in Britain's voting for Brexit. |
So I suppose it's time for another data dump of the polyamory stories that are overflowing the British tabloids, to catch up since my last batch posted in September.
As before, the stories are resolutely cheerful and upbeat, almost always about poly families, almost always as threes, and preferably with kids.
● First, here's that prediction for 2019: Polyamorous relationships, sex dolls and ANGRY dirty talk: The top sex trends for 2019 revealed (Jan. 3, 2019)
Open relationships, polyamorous couples, swinging and threesomes – there are many forms of relationships nowadays and many involve more than just two people.
Lelo [an "intimate and luxurious lifestyle company"] said: “BDSM and kink were thrust into the public consciousness in the wake of 50 Shades. Now, the mainstream is being aware that more complex, and potentially more satisfying relationship styles are out there.
“The poly community is long established, and there are plenty of really good advocates for it. [That's you, dear readers! –Ed.]
“2019 will likely see these communities and dynamics explored in more understanding detail by the mainstream.”
● The tabs are not always about cis het polyfolks: In the Daily Mail: Married gay couple who have been together for a DECADE invite a man they met on TINDER to join their relationship – and they insist they are happier than ever in a 'closed triad' (Dec. 12, 2018)
Edson, 39, and Emerson, 46, were happily married for 10 years living in Spain.
Edson, Emerson, and Sebastian in Barcelona
In October 2017, the couple met up with Sebastian, 31, on Tinder for dinner.
They weren't searching for a polyamorous relationship, but the three men all fell in love with each other and bonded over their love for yoga.
Edson and Emerson invited Sebastian to join their relationship in a closed triad.
The triad recently celebrated their one-year anniversary all together. ...
● As noted before, the British tabs often recruit their – presumably paid – poly subjects in the US. The following three folks and their offspring are in Connecticut, as told in the Mirror: Woman who shares bed with husband AND boyfriend in polyamorous 'throuple' reveals how 'rotating pairs' works (Oct. 30, 2018). The two guys are bi.
...Daniel works as a magician and Bella joined him as his assistant, often travelling out of state to perform fire-handling as part of his act.
Daniel, Bella, Ken and kids
On jealousy within poly relationships, the group swear by communicating their feelings.
Ken said: “If you ignore it it will breed resentment, and if you talk about it and you deal with it then maybe you can find the root cause and get past it.
...As parents, when Daniel moved in, Bella and Ken had to explain it to their then three and four-year-old daughters.
Ken said: “They were really happy with it, and now they don’t remember before that.
“We share the responsibilities of parenting – parenting together in our own various styles and on the same team.”
Bella said: “The girls were playing with one of their friends and the friend kind of remarked to our little one saying ‘you have two dads and a mom’ and she said ‘yeah, some people have two dads, and that’s okay’.”
Daniel said: “I never wanted to have children because I always worried about my lifestyle being too selfish for children, like that I would be travelling all over the place and bringing kids with you is a big problem especially when they are little.
“So to have this situation where I can love these two girls and be a parent, but when I’m not there I know that they are taken care of and I’m not leaving one person at home to take care of all the duties is really nice and really comforting.”
Bella and Ken’s daughter Aurelie, seven, said: “My favourite thing about my first dad is that he likes to write books and I like to write books, and the thing about my other dad is that I like to do magic and he does magic.”...
The story comes with a video of them:
● Nor are the subjects always white. In Los Angeles, from the Mirror two days ago: Polyamorous 'throuple' plan children after family members disown them (Jan. 22, 2019). The story also appeared in the competing Daily Star yesterday, January 23, under the title Polyamorous thruple reveal ALL about three-way relationship and sleeping in the same bed.
Carly, Kassandra, Paoulo
A polyamorous 'throuple' who share the same bed are planning on starting a family together.
Husband Paoulo Quispilaya, 28, and his wife Kassandra Diaz-Cervo, 27, both fell in love with Carly Martinez at a party in October 2017.
...Despite the strong attraction, Kassandra did not initially act on her feelings and she became platonic friends with Carly, who had also never been with a woman before.
But when Carly started to also 'connect' with Paoulo things became romantic and she joined the relationship in February 2018.
Carly, also of Los Angeles, California, said: "...We were a triad from the very beginning."
Kassandra said: "I didn't even know polyamory existed. It just happened. We were unsure of what it was."
"We tried not pursuing it and suppressing our feelings because we have been taught that there's no such thing as loving two people at once.
"We researched it and found that there was a community and a word for it: polyamory.
"We decided to just do it and not be held back by social conditioning."
...The throuple admit that family members were shocked to learn of the new relationship and many could not accept it.
Kassandra said: "At first our families were shocked. Some to the point of no longer communicating with us. As time passed, some of them came to accept our relationship but other family members still won't speak to us.
"But I would never have gone through telling my family if I didn't believe this relationship was worth it."
Paoulo added: "People's first thoughts are so often sexual. "They don't understand that this is a committed, long-term relationship. "We definitely will raise children together." ...
The throuple share their experiences of life as a polyamorous triad on their YouTube channel Trifecta Love.
A bubbly sample from their YouTube channel:
● From Arizona, in the Daily Mail: Throuple of Navy vets tell of their polyamorous relationship and say they are still 'very traditional' as they raise their four kids (Nov. 21, 2018):
Princess, Eddie, Kayla and their kids
A polyamorous trio have spoken exclusively to DailyMailTV about their 'traditionally non-traditional' lives and insist that their unconventional relationship is far from a 'sex cult.'
Eddie Colon, 34, and his wife, Kayla, 27, have been in a sexual 'triad' relationship with 23-year-old Princess Birdsall after they met on dating app OkCupid earlier this year.
The three, who are all Navy veterans, now share a home in San Tan Valley, Arizona with their four young children.
Eddie said, 'It takes a lot of selflessness and being able to deal with other people.'
Kayla and Eddie both refer to Princess as their 'wife' and share their bedroom and Californian king-size bed with her. Kayla and Princess both identify as bisexual whereas Eddie is straight.
...Eddie said: 'I don't worry about my kids getting bullied. They want a big family, so they are happy. Now Presley and Tatiana are so close that we call them 'the twins'. It's worked out perfectly.'
Kayla said: 'Jessica is the oldest and she just understands that we all love each other and we're all here together. She sees us cooking dinner together, washing cars, doing laundry. So it's just a normal family to her and they don't really know anything else.'
Eddie said: 'Jessica already knows Princess as mommy.'
The self-described 'throuple' are quick to point out the benefits of having three people in a relationship – including the sharing of domestic duties.
Kayla said: 'Eddie cooks and he's daddy day-care. I do a lot of the cleaning and Princess is always helping with laundry. It's really just all hands on deck every night.
Princess said: 'We have a strict routine because we're all military. I'm up at 4am and then it's boom, boom, boom. All the kids are in bed by 8 o'clock.'
Eddie said: 'We have to do laundry four times a week in this house to stay caught up on everything because the little kids go through stuff like crazy. ...
'We're going to be a family forever, until one of us croaks. We want to find someone to perform a blessing and a promise ceremony.'
● In the Daily Mail's Australia edition: Young polyamorous woman who dates as many as SIX people at once offers a glimpse into her 'chaotic' love life (Nov. 15, 2018).
...Penny has been in polyamorous relationships for five years — a lifestyle where she enjoys spending time with more than one person on an emotional level.
Like any monogamous relationship, the woman goes out with the man or woman she 'loves' on romantic dates, cuddles up with them on the couch and has sex with them.
She explained her diary can get 'very chaotic' after she found herself dating as many as six people at the same time.
Speaking to The Sex Files podcast, Penny — who's currently dating a man and a woman — said despite sleeping with more than one partner, she insists she's in love with both of them.
No pix of them, but that Sex Files podcast is surprisingly excellent and super-well produced. It sounds like the audio of a 30-minute TV documentary — and indeed, The Sex Files turns out to be a TV show from Discovery Channel Canada with versions aired around the world. If the video version is online, I can't find it.
The Daily Mail story did include this embedded video about a different poly group, filmed in Russia in winter. With English subtitles.
● The Daily Mail, and on the same day the Daily Record in Scotland, ran a long, surprisingly excellent article from Pennsylvania: Polyamorous married couple of nine years joined by girlfriend to form 'triad' (Sept. 27, 2018):
Kristina, Ashley, Mike
...The three instantly clicked and started to date on a casual basis before Mike and Kristina asked Ashley to officially form a triad as they had fallen in love with her and they have now been together as a throuple for 10-months.
...Kristina, Mike and Ashley have three children between them who they raise together and who they identify as, BR, 11, BB, 7, and GB, 7, to respect their privacy.
Ashley works a busy schedule that often means she is away from the family home, so feelings of jealousy sometimes arise over the time that they get to spend with each other, but the throuple have now found a way to navigate these emotions and work through them together so that everyone feels included.
The triad view their relationship as a triangular shaped unit with each person benefiting individually from their unique setup. ...
Said Mike: "Being poly gives you a different perspective on the world in general. We don't view things through the normal society's spectrum."
Ashley continued: "Polyamory is about being open to more. More love, more partners, more experiences. Society is largely centred around monogamy, this idea that there is only one 'person' for you.
..."Having more than one partner means I see the world through my gaze, his gaze, and hers. ...
"Our relationship works through open and honest communication, respect and consideration for one another's feelings and thoughts, and a willingness to compromise for the best interests of all.
..."We are also all unique and different, and so rather than having to consider one partner's needs and differences, we consider two.
..."We talk a lot and have developed a POT (polygon of trust) where we all hold hands and agree to listen without judgement to one another. Having a 'safe space' where we take time to consider our needs and be mindful of being respectful allows us to communicate more openly and honestly.
..."We joked once, months ago, that we should have a word to express when someone feels left out without having to share the vulnerable feelings, because feeling left out in our triad is complicated, as you feel both excluded and guilty for potentially taking time from your partners.
"So now we say 'orangutan', which is comical, but also allows us to share when something or some configuration leads to feelings of exclusion. When we disagree, we sometimes talk in our triad, and sometimes if the disagreement is between a pairing, the third partner will try to bring the other two together to hash out the feelings and needs."
Despite being madly in love with each other, the triad have received mixed reactions from their family members, with only Ashley's parents supporting their arrangement and willing to learn more.
...When out in public, the triad receive confused looks from strangers who don't understand their relationship, but they have been shown an outpouring of acceptance and support for their relationship online.
..."We've been working on a blog and we share as much of ourselves as we can on social media because we believe that visibility and openness is the best form of activism to encourage the world to accept our choices.
● We've seen these next nice folks before, representing themselves and poly well despite the tabloid showcase. This time they're in a women's mag called Now To Love in Australia: Real life: I fell for my husband's girlfriend, and now we're all having a baby together! (Nov. 13, 2018):
"Ash, Rowan and me – a happy family." Photo by Bella.
..."The thing is…," I hesitated as Ash smiled at me. "I'm not really into traditional relationships."
I never had been.
...I preferred to have relationships with more than one person at once.
I liked going on dates, spending cosy nights in, even having sex…with lots of people.
I was always honest with everyone involved but it didn't always get a positive reaction. ...
------------
...Still, neither of us found anyone else we wanted to start a serious relationship with.
Until Ash started chatting online to someone called Rowan.
I didn't usually get involved in the people Ash met. But this one intrigued me.
"Rowan doesn't like to be thought of as a man or woman," Ash told me. "Rowan's gender fluid."
"Interesting," I said, curious.
And Ash seemed pretty smitten. ...
------------
...My hubby's bit on the side became one of my best mates. I was so relaxed with Rowan, I could talk about anything. Even my dream of having a baby…
"I'm not sure it'll ever happen," I sighed to Rowan one day. Ash and I had been trying for years.
"It will," Rowan replied, squeezing my hand. "You'll be a great mum." ...
------------
That night, when we were together, I reached for Rowans' hand. After a while, we all started kissing and ended up in bed.
Our couple had become a trio.
Rowan moved into the spare room.
But we all wanted to be together… so in the end, we bought a huge bed that all three of us could share.
Life was great.
Of course, like any relationship, we had our ups and downs, arguing about whose turn it was to do the washing up, or what colour to paint the living room. But mostly, we got along brilliantly.
Then one day, I started feeling ill and took a test. ...
------------
...Our families were all happy for us.
Some people questioned our unusual setup – but once we explained how it worked, most accepted it.
We can't wait to meet our baby girl and be a family of four.
I know it sounds weird to say our baby was born after a threesome, but we love our unusual arrangement and will all make great parents – we wouldn't have it any other way.
● This time it's an identical-twins twist. From Western Australia, in the UK's Daily Star: World's most identical twins plan to get pregnant together – and they even share a partner (Jan. 4, 2019):
...While this may seem like an unusual set-up for many, the 33-year-olds are very happy with the relationship.
This week, they appeared on daytime TV to announce their plans to marry their partner, as well as their dreams to fall pregnant at the same time.
Anna and Lucy have been dating Ben Byrne, 35, for six years. ... As a twin himself, he also understands their bond.
The trio now live together and enjoy a polyamorous relationship.
Previously, Lucy explained why this agreement works so well for the trio. She said: "We're with each other 24/7, me and my sister; it's just easier to share a boyfriend because we're always together.
..."We have the same taste in everything, so obviously we're going to like the same boy too.”
...This week, they told Australia’s Today programme: “Our mum’s actually convincing us to give birth naturally…
“We need to be pregnant at the same time.”
How is that going to work?
“It’s going to be another challenge. There’s a lot of pressure on Ben.”
● This next triad have also been featured in the tabs before. This time they're in Metro UK: People judge me for having a husband and a girlfriend, but my open marriage is proof that polyamory works. Cathy Keen, writing here in the first person, is the Community & Events Manager for Feeld, a dating platform for the multi-minded originally named 3nder.
Nicole, Cathy, Thomas
...Many people still idealise being sexually faithful to one person for life, despite statistical evidence that over one third of divorces involve some form of infidelity.
...Life-long monogamy has always seemed like a strange and bleak option to me – but as a committed married woman, I wouldn’t want to do anything to hurt or upset my partner.
Thankfully, early conversations with my husband Thomas signalled that we were on the same page when it came to relationships. We both longed for the stability and security of a long-term partnership, but also the freedom to get intimately close with other people.
...Not knowing how or where to start, we found ourselves in the only place that seemed remotely capable of giving us what we desired: a sex party.
Our first party was a very interesting experience.
Thomas is a beautiful creature and tends to catch the attention of admirers whenever we go out. Normally those admirers will look away if I notice them staring, but not here.
At a sex party, onlookers are more than happy to hold your gaze and will normally back this up with a smile, before they sidle over for a chat and a closer look.
It’s interesting how a consensual, safe space affects the dynamic between people and partners. There’s ease and a certain playfulness to conversation when the threat of jealousy is removed. I was made to feel very included by everyone we spoke to, and I loved it. ... We surfaced six hours later, feeling exhausted but alive.
...We attended more parties but enjoyed them less as time went on. The people we met were always short term ‘acquaintances’ and without any real opportunity to get to know them, it started to leave us feeling cold. What Thomas and I really desired was to have more meaningful, long-term relationships.
...We had a relationship with two other people and identified as a poly-quad for about a year. Falling in love with others – while still in love with my husband – was an intense experience.
The first time it happened, I didn’t know if (or how) I should set boundaries. Without any experience to rely on, I made my mistakes and learned the hard way that making sure all parties want the same thing is a must if you hope for an easy life.
Unfortunately that wasn’t the case on this occasion and the relationship broke down. It took Thomas and me a long time to recover from the heartbreak, which was a very strange and sad experience to share as a couple.
After a year, we plucked up the courage to date other people again and this time, armed with our new awareness, we were much more careful about the people we courted. ...
------------
...As soon as he and Nicole started talking, the sparks began to fly. The relationship progressed effortlessly into the three-way setup we have today.
People always assume that I must struggle with some kind of jealousy in a relationship like ours, but the truth is that everything is easier with Nicole around.
She’s kind, considerate, loving and supportive, and also fiercely independent and aware of her own needs and desires, which I really admire.
Although sex is part of our life together, it’s our friendship that I value most. Organising our time is never an issue either, because we are all very laid-back about the situation.
The most difficult part of of our relationship is actually having to tell other people about it. ...
Update: Cathy gives an interview that appears in the Huffington Post: Our Marriage Survived — And Thrived — When We Opened It Up (March 25, 2019).
That's it till next time!
[Permalink]
No comments:
Post a Comment