"My Husband's Three Wives"
The Learning Channel
On Sept. 24, 2006 (and then in reruns), the Learning Channel aired a 1-hour show on a polygamist family in Texas. The teaser: "When Pam married her husband Brian 20 years ago, she dreamed of a big family, but never imagined it would mean living not only with six children but with Brian's other wife Kathy as well. Now, Brian plans to bring a third wife, Denise, into the family...."
Comments from poly viewers are harsh indeed. Controlling man, unhappy women, altogether a pathetically unevolved setup... "his attitude was so threatening in a passive-aggressive way, I thought 'cult' for a moment," wrote one commenter. "Brainwashed women with no real say in their lives, they just revolve around him."
Says Jenny in the comments below: "Idiot Redneck Husband stomps his foot and makes everyone around him responsible for his foolhardy actions. Esteem-challenged wives exercise what little power they have by acting out primitive social games amongst themselves.... What disgusts me most about the show is that it was basically, 'same old sh**, different day.' All the same old tired, useless, unproductive relationship rituals that people insist on performing, set against a backdrop of one-sided non-monogamy.
"More's the pity. I can only hope TLC will work on showcasing a similar arrangement that is successful instead of leaving us with the bloody wreck of what isn't."
The show never mentioned the word "polyamory," thank goodness.
Also check out the discussion on the LiveJournal Polyamory Community.
P.S. If you'd like to learn about better types of multipartnering than the above, enter the word "polyamory" into Wikipedia or Google. Or browse other articles on this site (especially these), or start off with these fine entry points:
New Scientist magazine article
Franklin Veaux's poly site
The alt.polyamory home page
On Sept. 24, 2006 (and then in reruns), the Learning Channel aired a 1-hour show on a polygamist family in Texas. The teaser: "When Pam married her husband Brian 20 years ago, she dreamed of a big family, but never imagined it would mean living not only with six children but with Brian's other wife Kathy as well. Now, Brian plans to bring a third wife, Denise, into the family...."
Comments from poly viewers are harsh indeed. Controlling man, unhappy women, altogether a pathetically unevolved setup... "his attitude was so threatening in a passive-aggressive way, I thought 'cult' for a moment," wrote one commenter. "Brainwashed women with no real say in their lives, they just revolve around him."
Says Jenny in the comments below: "Idiot Redneck Husband stomps his foot and makes everyone around him responsible for his foolhardy actions. Esteem-challenged wives exercise what little power they have by acting out primitive social games amongst themselves.... What disgusts me most about the show is that it was basically, 'same old sh**, different day.' All the same old tired, useless, unproductive relationship rituals that people insist on performing, set against a backdrop of one-sided non-monogamy.
"More's the pity. I can only hope TLC will work on showcasing a similar arrangement that is successful instead of leaving us with the bloody wreck of what isn't."
The show never mentioned the word "polyamory," thank goodness.
Also check out the discussion on the LiveJournal Polyamory Community.
P.S. If you'd like to learn about better types of multipartnering than the above, enter the word "polyamory" into Wikipedia or Google. Or browse other articles on this site (especially these), or start off with these fine entry points:
New Scientist magazine article
Franklin Veaux's poly site
The alt.polyamory home page
46 Comments:
**Warning** - Contains spoilers
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Unfortunately I'm inclined to agree with the general consensus of the LiveJournal community. Right from the beginning Brian claims that they're not Mormons, but the more I watched this documentary the less I believed that. His rule that if they all can't coexist under the same roof than they can't have a relationship was the first thing that led me to think that there were definite shades of fundamentalist Mormon polygamy here. His strict, controlling behavior and demands that they all do rigorous housework every day also made me think of the FLDS. At one point he came home from work and demanded to know what they had been doing all day, because apparently their seemingly impeccable house wasn't good enough for him.
I did see some shades of polyamory. One quote from Pam (wife #1) hit home for me. She was talking about their relationship as a family, and said something along the lines of "It's not about separating the pieces, it's about putting them all together". This rang true for me, in regards to how our family came to be. There was also veto power being used, but the fact that wife #1 and #2 weren't (seemingly) given any chance to use it until two years into the relationship seemed a bit odd to me. I was also very surprised that, after the first two wives had decided that she had to leave, he broke off all ties with her completely. Again, it was apparent that if she couldn't live under the same roof as the other two wives than he didn't want her as a part of his life at all. I think we all know that, for most of us, polyamory doesn't work like that at all. This made me think he was building a sect, and not a family.
I'm glad that this documentary didn't mention polyamory at all, because I think that overall it sent a negative message - which is too bad considering that it was fairly well done without any negative spin placed on their lifestyle (other than the ones they created themselves of course).
Watched the show last night. Ouch. Glad they didn't use the term polyamory. Yes, it was awful. Very controlling husband...I thought the two wifes would had no real choice but to agree to allowing the third in but in the end, thank goodness the first wife put her foot down and ended it. The second wife had a tantrum hissy fit the whole time and although the aspiring third wife was sent on her way with tears in her eyes it was a blessing in disquise. I just thought what a nut she must have been to have wanted to join that family to begin with--one sick puppy. I wondered how much money she had already given them and bet that on reflection she wanted refund on her crazy investment. The show left a nasty taste in my mouth all in all but I had to laugh at the end when they had the husband standing between his two wifes and holding a picture of his lost love. He still wasn't willing to let her go. It was silly. I wanted someone to ask him to speak on his not believing in monogomy--if that was just for him or if he encouraged his wives to move in another husband or two--ha!
The Husband was a Jackass.
When TLC first advertised the show, I thought "Oh great, another "reality" train wreck." And like a train wreck, I couldn't look away. So, I watched the show and afterwards, came away rather disgusted.
Watching the husband drove me nuts. In one segment he talked about the security issues he had while growing up. Personally, I think he's got more than security issues rolling around. Security issues may be behind his non-monogamous nature, but self-esteem issues are no doubt at the heart of his refusal to brook argument with his decisions or to allow his wives to take co-husbands.
Watching the wives drove me nuts. Wife #2 could only complain about not having enough time with the husband and that Candidate Wife #3 wasn't pulling her weight. Wife #3 was just an idiot -- she divorced a man who "allowed" her to have only 2 children and then shacks up with a guy who has a small army and most likely, doesn't want any more. Whatever.
But as another commenter mentioned, this was set in Texas -- the Buckle of the Bible Belt. And really, that alone explains everything. As one commenter put it, it's a different mindset down there. Not only are rural kids expected to pitch in at home, but men are expected to be bread-winners and decision-makers, and women are expected to be homemakers and baby-bearers. And in smaller towns like Waller, social progress essentially regresses. Husbands are expected to lay down the law and women are expected to live and die by it.
And everyone on the show played their roles beautifully. Idiot Redneck Husband stomps his foot and makes everyone around him responsible for his foolhardy actions. Esteem-challenged Wives exercise what little power they have in their relationship with the husband by acting out primitive social games amongst themselves in order to maintain a pecking order. Wife #1 is forever assured of her status as Alpha Wife, but Wife #2 has her place to defend against Candidate Wife #3, and so the hair pulling and social sabotage begin.
But I think what disgusts me most about the show is that it was basically, "same old sh**, different day." All the same old tired, useless, unproductive relationship rituals that people insist on performing set against a backdrop of one-sided non-monogamy. All that does is show me that people's idiocy can always be counted upon to fubar an otherwise enlightened arrangement.
Of course you don't hear the word "polyamory" in relation to this show because that usually implies love is truly without limits, without quantity. Clearly, the husband in the show doesn't subscribe fully to this principle and neither do his wives.
More's the pity. I can only hope TLC will work on showcasing a similar arrangement that is successful instead of leaving us with the bloody wreck of what isn't.
These women have no self-worth. They don't think they're good enough for a man to love them, so they're going to get preyed on by controlling men.
I'm surprised this livestyle is acceptable or legal in the community that is near "Tomball, Texas." But considering the he is an Aggie, that explains it all!
That show was sick, watched it tonight and was hoping that it would end with shooting him!
I don't think it's correct that either one of the women could have walked away at any time like one person commented. Both women had children in the household that were supported by multiple incomes, the primary income being the husbands (a Texas commonality), so it would be extremely difficult/heartbreaking for either of the wives to just "walk away" from the marriage. Not only would custody issues become a problem, but so would the successful child-development and the financial support for the children should the family split up.
Whoa on the aggie jokes! I am from Texas and I currently attend Texas A&M. You better believe that the people in this town are not very happy with the way he is portraying Texas A&M and the state of Texas so I think your should keep your jokes to yourself.
I watched this last night. I was sending text messages back and forth to one of my friends who wasn't watching the show, but was as appalled as I was! Now since people keep knocking TX, I'm going to just be 'real' about it, and say this is what white folks do and accept! I live in TX, and NOBODY that I know would live a lifestyle like this. Country, backwoods white people do this crap, not ANYbody in TX.
Now that I got that out of the way...I agree with everybody who stated that these wives have low self-esteem, especially Denise (3). I know how it is to have your heart broken, but at the same time, I also know how it is to pick yourself up and move on, and eventually experience love again. There are plenty of men in this world who can offer to these women what Brian has to offer--the big house, the huge lot of land, and a demanding and father-like personality. To me, they settled. I was shocked when Pam (1) said she felt that he wasn't taking away from her, but just sharing himself with someone else, in regards to Kathy (2). NO WAY! One thing I did pick up on, was Pam is still not thrilled with the whole idea of her husband openly having more than one 'wife'. She said that if she had the chance, she would probably never do this again. That says right there that she would rather have a traditional marriage 1 of each-husband and wife. I wouldn't be surprised if she finally packed her bags and her two children, and left, and moved here to Dallas.
Thankfully, the children seem to have enough sense to make their own decisions about their futures. How can you raise your child to think that it's okay to just bring new women in the house like strays? If you choose to live a polygamist lifestyle, then fine. I don't agree with it, but I'm not knocking it. I just don't want the children to think that's the only way of life.
Another thing that tickled me was Denise struggling so hard to fit in. She wanted ALL 4 adults to agree on her ring. Hello?!?!? The other women don't even care for you, why would they willingly help you pick out a ring? She didn't mind taking the leftovers of a husband. She "SAVED" the house!!! Her money helped take care of THEM, and they wanted her out of there??? Come on. Yes, I too think she wants her money back. Can't you imagine seeing them on People's Court sometime next year? LOL
All in all, the show was interesting, and I would love to watch it again, but this time with some family and friends so we can laugh at the whole family setup.
I came across this show early this morning and watched most of it out of curiosity. As with HBO's Big Love, I paid attention to how the women rationalize their commitment to this arrangement as well as the man's behavior. How does he handle the wives' inevitable emotional hardship? Why must (and why do they??) the women make the psychological and emotional adjustments necessary--subjugating their jealousy or desire to be exclusive to keep the peace.
It would seem Brian or any man would derive enormous benefit from polygamy--sexual, financial, social (companionship). I don't see the same for a woman---security for herself and her children, yes. But, think of all the sticky, awful stuff that comes with it. No thank you. I am happy with one man--my husband...MY husband.
I have to state that this does not portray Texas families. We are not all rednecks and some of us (women) have brains and do not need to be controlled by a man. My husband and I are equal partners. I loved his comment on how good looking he was (sarcasticly). I too am amaze that wife #1 stayed with a man who told her he was going to be unfaithful. What was sad was when she said she probably wouldn't do it again. Like she is trapped. I thought how great, he comes in asks them what they have done all day and then leaves to go to a bar. And come on, his spiritual unions.... what a crock of poop. He must believe in a different Jesus Christ than I do. I too turned off the program mad at those women. USE YOUR BRAIN!!
They live in my hometown! : ( Crazy, I was watching it and thinking: "these places look familiar". Geez, not everyone from Tomball/Waller are like that, believe me! I was so embarassed.
My heart went out to Denise because she was used so callously. How could that man live with himself. I know that many would say that she is a grown woman and should know better but he should not have used the woman like that. I think it is only fair that he gives her back all of her money that she invested into this sham of a family. Wife #2 has a nerve, she did the same thing to wife #1 and now she does not like it. It is sad to see women allow themselves to be in such a situation just to have a man who as far as I am concerned is not worthy of any of these women. I could not help but notice that they were all nice looking women and I am sure that they could find themselves decent husbands out there who would be willing to live only in a monogamous situation with them. I am truly sadden by this.
Wow! I'm really shocked and pretty pissed about these Texas generalities. And AGGIE jokes? C'mon!
Texas is not the "buckle of the bible belt," I;ve never heard that before in the 35 years I've lived here. So glad to know that I must live and die by the law my husband sets, and that his is the primary income in the household - since we're in Texas it MUST be true. But we're just a bunch of hicks, so that alone my explain everything!
This was a totally functioning dysfunctional family unit. The 1st wife is also passive aggressive in that she appears to support the 3rd wife, but in the end is the final arbiter to kick the 3rd wife out. The husband is a PhD psychologist and doesn't see what he is doing is wrong, wrong, wrong. Just because you have come from an emotionally abusive background does not you the right to abuse and control other human beings and that is all he does. He is a bully, and if he thinks he is good looking, remember what Judge Judy says: "Beauty fades, but dumb is forever." That goes for men as well as women. Those 3 women should take this guy to court and get back from him whatever they put in financially, either in money or in work performed. He is an abuser and user.
I'm not a fan of this kind of multiple partner relationship, but if that's your choice, then who am I to criticize. However, I picked up on a lot of stuff in there that shows the husband is just a selfish brat and the women don't have any backbone. Actually, neither does he; he's basically a bully who demands what he wants and gives the illusion that others can have a say, but only when it's convenient to him. The fact that the present wives RESIGN themselves to the situation is what's most important because that tells you that they would not do it if they felt they had a choice. It was said more than once "she's not going anywhere" and so one had to LEARN to ACCEPT that which she didn't want. What kind of choice is that? That's addiction to your man, not choice. The whole show had the women rationalizing why this dysfunctional situation is OK, when a counselor could have easily had them crying and spilling their guts if the show had allowed some real honsest questions without the prepped responses that came from denial. It's not a slam on polyamory or anything like that - it's a slam on THIS family that has everyone lying to themselves and lying to the camera to justify being stuck in something that's really not healthy or fulfilling.
I am just curious as to how a man in this situation would react if one of his wives came home and said she had met someone she cared very much about and wanted to bring him into their home as a husband? Would this be acceptable, or is it only the male in this situation that is allowed to not be monogamous?
Did Denise get her money back?
What a stupid, arrogant, self-centered ass.
What stuck with me was the lack of happiness in the home overall. Not a lot of laughing, smiling, or joking except from the King himself.
And am I mistaken, or did one of the little sons state that when he grew up, he only wanted one wife to fall in love with? My toddler was screaming so loud that I couldn't catch it. If so, that was a poignant and telling statement from one so young.
Stop with the generalizations. Just because he happens to live in Waller and attended A&M does not mean we are all living that lifestyle.
I am an Aggie, Texan, and from a small town. My mother lived in Waller until her death and that would mean that I was partially raised in that town.
Hello every1. i am watching this for the 1st time ( sun 11 mar) and i am in disbelief.
i think pam let brian "marry" again bc she just came back from the miltary and didnt want all that instabbility. she is very strong to deal with brian's sh*t, i would not.
kathy is lucky that pam is wife #1 . pam treats her very well . i wonder if kristy had married brian would she have let pam join the marriage?
QUESTIONS:
1)many ppl have posted about money. what money did denise give to brian? what was the $ for?
2) pam work, she is a high school teacher. what is brian's job? what is kathy's job?
3) did brian build that house himself?
pls let me know: lilkunta at excite.com
also, it would have been good to see what denise's family, namely her 2 kids thought about her wanting to be a 3rd wife.
I think this show is sick! These woman do not have a choice as to what goes on in their lives anymore becaue they are too dependant. As someone said earlier in the post, these women are financially dependant on their pig of a husband. I dont feel any sympathy for these women at all either, they made their beds so they must lie in them. I just think its funny how they try to justify their meaningless existance on their sick little cult of a farm. The funniest part was when they kicked Denise to the curb after taking all her money! True comedy at its best! He even said that as long as she lives he cant closer his heart to her (or any other woman with a heart beat for that matter!!!) Please people, dont feel bad for the women, that guy, or the whole family because they dont deserve pity, just laughs! :)
It's been said in other posts, but really - this is not at all representative of Texas. The sweeping criticism of my state contained in some of the previous posts is entirely misplaced - unenlightened, even. When you're trying to defend your own life choices, it's not necessary to bash an entire state.
I grew up in a small Texas town and managed to complete college and graduate school without any oppression from, or brainwashing by, "rednecks." I have never felt that anyone expected me to stay home and be a homemaker. I earn significantly more than my husband, as do many women of my acquaintance, and I've yet to meet anyone who finds that strange. Financial decisions and life choices are made by Texas women (married and single), every day - in small towns as well as big cities.
If he didn't believe in monogamy, I wonder how he would react if one of his wives brought home a new husband.
But as another commenter mentioned, this was set in Texas -- the Buckle of the Bible Belt. And really, that alone explains everything. As one commenter put it, it's a different mindset down there. Not only are rural kids expected to pitch in at home, but men are expected to be bread-winners and decision-makers, and women are expected to be homemakers and baby-bearers. And in smaller towns like Waller, social progress essentially regresses. Husbands are expected to lay down the law and women are expected to live and die by it.
As a Texan, I really resent this comment. You can find these type of backward jerks anywhere, not just in Texas. And FWIW, no one I knew growing up, or now as an adult, expected the wife to stay at home while the dad was the breadwinner. Just because this family lives in Texas doesn't mean they represent everyone--or even anyone else--who lives here.
I am confused, If polygyny is illegal in USA then why didn't he get arrested? Is polygyny legal in Texas?
Roses do not equal ragweed
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Beginning with the title of this program I immediately drew my own conclusion.
A man married to two women was morally wrong. But after the first mistress got
pregnant and the husband wanted to raise his son with two mothers, it ALMOST
seemed 1% pratical.
Only after he had an affair
and brought in a second mistress, could you see the husband for what he actually
was! Pond scum, a simple womanizer and a disgrace to be called a man.
He wanted three women for - his ego stroking, $$$$$$, maid service and a daily
piece of a**. The third one must have had a better one.
When all four of them sat down for the final meeting, did anyone hear him say to
his first mistress to be an obedient wife? I use the word first mistress, because that
was what she was. He had only one wife ( but three doormats).
Those women might be thinking that they are raising healthy well adjusted children
but they are wrong. Just ask the children! The three women
are choosing to raise their children in that kind enviornment because they have
NO
self esteem. PERIOD. They are choosing something between their legs,,
over the welfare of their children.
If the adults chose to live what way,,, more power to them. Just place the
children with relatives or foster care. Don's screw up their lives. I actually think it
would be a hoot to add
another man to the mix and see how that would play out. I bet Mr. pond scum
would be a might bit jealous, yet he would not need to take as much viagra, have
some more help around the farm and more $$$$ coming in.
If the women on the show read this (and I pray they do) , they will either find it
funny or insulting.
It is not meant to be either. I feel sorry for all of you. If only for the sake of your
children, get a spine. . CALL DR PHIL, AND SEND HIM A COPY OF
THE SHOW. I DARE YOU. He will set you ALL straight, and tear your
husband a new a**
hole. Let Dr. Phil get to the root of your
problems and help you take hold of your own lives and figure out why you are
sitting there
letting him
have his cake and eat it too . You must know the third woman is still in his life
and his pants! He told you that at the end of the show.
How long before the fourth?
Anyone can be a father, but not everyone can be a Dad.
1) The guy cheated on wife number one, so, he is a CHEATER
2) He got his mistress pregnant, so, he is IRRESPONSIBLE
3) He made wife number 1 accept wife number 2, so, he is a JERK
4) he told wife 1 and 2 that Denise was "just a friend" before he introduced the idea of marrying her, too, so, he is a LIAR
5) He brings the 3 ladies together to "resolve" the issues, brings everything to an emotional head, and then storms out, so, he is a BAD THERAPIST (someone please take his license away)
6) When wife number 1 and 2 tell Denise that it is not working out, he bids her a tearful goodbye like none of it is his fault or responsibility, so, he is a BABY
LADIES, GET A GOOD ATTORNEY!!!!!
Truthfully, I actually knew a family that had a similar situation.
It is totally about women that are afraid to be alone, have poor self-esteem, obviously, and claim to love their "captor", so to speak. Basically, they are too weak to stand up to their adversary. Who knows what life had done to her to make her that way.
In reality, I doubt that sex has anything to do with it. Sometimes it is about religion but even then,I think a well-adjusted, confident woman would switch faiths.
I once worked with a thirtiish woman married to a biker. We'll call her "Mary." Frequently her hubby would ride up with a pretty young girl, maybe 19ish, to see his wife. I assumed it was his daughter, being young and naive myself.
One day, Mary cashed a check and I noticed three names on the check instead of two. Again, I assumed the third name was the daughter. As I began to question it, I was immediately shushed by my supervisor. I was commenting on how I wished my parents had added me to their checking account when I was at home, jokingly.
A few days later when Mary and I were alone, I could no longer control my curiosity. She explained that her husband had begun having an affair with this girl and told Mary that if she didn't allow him to move his girfriend in, he'd leave. She said she loved him and didn't want him to leave.
There you have it. She let him have all the power because she was too weak to venture out alone. Same old story, familiar bad is better than unfamiliar anything to some people.
I'm sure I said something really stupid, like how wrong she was to have done that. Duh, like she didn't already know that. I'm sure she prayed everyday for the strength to leave.
He was the lowest life form that exists. This was 25 years ago and I still remember the pain on her face as she spoke of it. I often think of her and hope that she one day gained enough strength give them both a good, firm pointy-toed boot right out the door.
I live in Texas, and the stereotypes drive me crazy. Look up the stats on what % of women in Texas work, how many work in professional capacities, etc. The views expressed here about this state are really ignorant. We got past that stereotype that we all wear 10-gallon hats and ride horses...give the feminists in this state a break and stop perpetuating yet another myth.
Signed,
KK, Ph.D., no housework, no cooking -- I hire it done. Had a husband, sent him on his way. Liberal democrat and social activist.
Brian is obviously a deeply wounded man who feels a need to rescue woman. Deep down he feels undeserving of love and therefore cannot allow himself true intimacy and a deep relationship with just one woman. As a therapist he is in sad denial of his own heart. He fell in love with Denise because she needed him. As the others grew out of that need, he needed a new needy woman.
I feel sad that Pam and Kathy allow for this. Obviously Pam was stuck on trying to do the "right" thing by keeping her vows, no matter what her sad and sorry husband did. Kathy wanted to have a father for her child, and made a mess of her life as well. Denise is so abused that she was willing to prostitute herself for the sake of affection. Its a sad commentary on society today.
I hope TLC never again airs a show like this or I may stop watching it altogether.
I watched this show lastnight and I think that is the most ridiculous situation I've ever seen... The guy is a jackass, and those poor women have no self worth at all! Those poor kids are only youngsters and even they know what's right and what's wrong..... Too bad the parents don't!
As far as the "It's Texas and they are rednecks" mentality that some of you have, that kind of behavior in this state is few and far between, most stuff you see like that happens in those northern states anyway! I happen to live not more than an hour from Tomball and the folks I know from that town are NOT rednecks...
I have one word for this guy - selfish. They talked about what a "bad" financial situation they were in and how the 3rd "woman" helped financially - what the heck is he doing with a new motorcycle and having that kind of pool if HE can't provide!!! HE has his own room and invites them in - what crud that is - this guy is a selfish, self-absorbed narcissist.
Now people should not be making bad comments about Texas, Texas is not the one to marry 2 women! The man is a pig, wife #2 has to get out of the house more often and for wife #1 Pam she is cool, good job, pretty and maybe she doesnt like the fact that she has to share her husband but when the kids are old enough she might pack her bags and leave....now are the man and #2 legally married?? If not then wife #1 will get all the loot if she divorces him. As for Denise #3 get over it honey, why would you want a controlling man that clearly only wanted you for you money, he admitted ...we were in serious trouble before denise stepped in.......please he used you, go get your own man...
I am a happy plural wife so I think that I could probably say this better than most. You, Sir, are an arrogant, self-centered sphincter boy.
It is shameful that you call yourself a professional.
TLC just replayed the show. I googled the show and found your site. There is a trailer at the end of the show. It says all four are no longer together. That wife two and her children left a few months later. And wife number one divorced him in 2007.
It also said he is engaged again and planning to marry in 2009. And stay in a one wife arrangement this time.
Just saw this crap on TLC today.
This was the most jacked up situation I've ever seen!
I am from Texas and my parents actually live in Tomball now so I thought that was funny. Obviously it doesn't represent Texas, other than the country-ace people and accents (somehow I didn't get one though).
The only thing it represents is an amplification of ignorance, arrogance, selfishness, pride, insecurity, irresponsibility, suffering, and abuse; abuse of fearful women that have no self-esteem and of innocent children unfortunate to be born into such a disfunctional environment. This has to be the most ridiculous, most disturbing 'reality' show I've ever seen.
The best response must be:
WTF!
Wow...is this guy for real? I mean, is he a real therapist? Who would go see him for therapy? I am imagining that this is how he met all his wives...in therapy. They all have zero self esteem. He is a pig. I would have had his genitals bronzed (while he was still wearing them)
How is this Guy able to keep his License?I don't think anyone would ever seek him out for counseling after the Show aired.Wife#3 must be the biggest idiot alive.She meets a guy with 2 Wifes,tells her he's about to loose the House,she puts up all the $'s and then cries over not beeing accepted.At the End they wrote that Wife # 1 got divorced,they never mentioned Wife # 3.Did she ever take that scumbag to Court?
TLC aired this again last night and I saw it for the first time. My opinion was that Pam (#1) was a door mat; Kathy (#2) was spoiled and childish and Denise (#3) was a needy crybaby.
Bryan seems to think he is ALL THAT -- and a bag of chips! I can't see why any woman would submit herself to that type of life. If I were Pam, I would have told Bryan to take a hike when he brought Kathy home, much less Denise.
What a horrible example these four people were setting for those kids!
Throughout the entire airing of the program on 2/1, I kept thinking that maybe the two "wives" will change the locks on all the doors and send Mr. Man on his way, that Denise will get enough bank records, etc. and sue his @$$. Sadly, it didn't happen and I realized I have been watching Cold Case Files too much. Some relief at the end that the first two divorced/left him, but is it true that #1 got back with him? And I thought I was in bad shape because I don't like the way my hubby makes the bed with mismatched pillow cases!
Yes, this is the kind of stuff that really gives polyamory a baaaaaaaaaaad name. Thank Goddess they didn't say polyamory or polyamorous in the piece. This was just another case of patriarchal polygyny, not of widening the circle of love but of cramming more people into the tent. Let me put it this way: My ideal is to have n>1 female mates (and probably n>0 male mates, too), but their setup was no role model for me. I found it more than a little sickening, actually, because of the general tone of the whole arrangement.
True, the guy told his first wife that he was not monogamous. It would have been better if she were warned that he not only would be an autocrat but also that neither #2 nor #3 would be brought into their relationship in an above-board way.
I have a lot of sympathy for Denise (#3). Maybe she does have self-esteem problems, else why would somebody as appealing as her would find him attractive? Perhaps she was attracted to the idea of polyamory. It's a shame she never got a chance to see it.
Actually, I think Denise is a real dreamboat (for the standard reasons -- lovely, intelligent, caring), which makes it that much worse that she got so totally screwed over on all levels. And yes, it is execrable that he cut off contact with her. I don't believe anyone with whom one has had a heart connection should ever be treated that way, save for protection from an abuser. It'd have made more sense if she cut off contact with him.
Honestly, I was totally shocked at the end when wives #2 then #1 broke it off. I thought that they would return to happiness. But looking at it now, I'm not surprised that it did happen.
I'm far from confident that his wife #4 has a good time in store, either.
My gf recorded this for me, actually. She has no great love of the notion of polyamory, let alone my being poly. It looks as if this case study will just be another arrow in her quiver. That bites. May we see soon shows about happy polys. I know we're out there.
Wishing you all a world filled with love inside and out....
YOU PEOPLE NEED A JOURNAL! This is ridiculous, you sit and judge people you don't even know... GET OFF YOUR COUCHES AND GET A FRIGGIN' LIFE... Why don't you focus on what's going on in your own homes... Do your children have straight A's? Have they knocked up their local cheerleader. Everyone has issues, just to a different extend. I wish ANY of you were HALF the person wife #3 was. I wish someone would care about me with the passion that she had!
This guy is a douche!
YOU PEOPLE NEED A JOURNAL! This is ridiculous, you sit and judge people you don't even know... GET OFF YOUR COUCHES AND GET A FRIGGIN' LIFE... Why don't you focus on what's going on in your own homes... Do your children have straight A's? Have they knocked up their local cheerleader. Everyone has issues, just to a different extend. I wish ANY of you were HALF the person wife #3 was. I wish someone would care about me with the passion that she had!
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The Above commentor must BE wife # 3. LOL
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