German government poly ad?

It's from the German Ministry of Economy and Energy. Translation: "Efficiency is conserving the energy. Not the warmth."

They look relaxed and happy. Who knows if the ad designers were thinking of polyamory specifically (can someone find them and ask?). But really, 10 or 20 years ago, would they have expected this image to connect the way it does now?

Thanks to TRNogger on reddit/r/polyamory for spotting this.

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Deutsche Welle: "Polyamory: An abundance of love"

This came as a reminder of my old childhood shortwave-radio days. Deutsche Welle is the official international broadcaster, and now website, for Germany. It offers programming in 30 languages including English. Its stated goals are to convey Germany as a "liberal, democratic state based on the rule of law," produce reliable news coverage, and represent German language and culture.

On Thursday it put up this long, friendly, supportive article on its website:

Polyamory: An abundance of love

By Caroline Schmitt

Loving several people at once — is that possible? Meeting a polyamorous young woman showed that it is, but only if you replace some of love's glamor with sober rationality.

"There are phases where I'm closer to one person. Physical proximity plays a huge role. But if I meet someone new and think they're interesting, that doesn't mean I'm less close to anyone else. Maybe I have a bit less time for them, but everyone else's lives never stand still either," Juliane (right) says.

Turns out love, unlike money, food or space, isn't a limited resource. Juliane loves, sleeps with, is there for, and occasionally gets angry about, four different people. She lives as part of a network of people who all have multiple lovers.

Currently, she has been in one relationship in Berlin for more than a year, in a long-distance relationship and casually with two others for two and four years, respectively.

The secret for not letting this turn into a massive orgy or a constant emotional rollercoaster ride? According to Juliane, there are some essential ingredients: "It's really important to me that the people who play a central role in my life get to know each other and communicate openly," she says, adding that honesty is also important, along with having the guts to be raw and vulnerable.

Her relationship model of choice is polyamory, a term coined in the mid 90s. It is a model that works differently for everyone involved in a relationship with multiple partners. There isn't one sole way to live it — details are constantly being negotiated.

..."Monogamy is an absurd idea to me. If there is someone I feel very close to, someone I love, why would that keep me from having sex with others? Why would that keep me from feeling close to someone else? I mean [even if I tried], it would happen. I would meet someone new and I'd fall in love. A relationship wouldn't prevent me from feeling that way," Juliane says with a smile, as if she's probably thinking about someone at this very moment.

She describes love as "finding someone fascinating" and "meeting someone so great you want to spend as much time with them as possible". Her idea of love is focussed on the other person — on their life, the way they see the world — so it feels different every time because every person is different. In that way, she doesn't so much talk about the butterflies in her stomach or the excitement in her own heart, instead she highlights people's characters.

She talks about all these people fondly while sitting in the garden of her girlfriend Theresa's flat in a residential part of north Berlin. Theresa never had just one relationship; there were always several. After one and a half years together, Theresa is one of her more intense relationships. Their interactions are natural and effortless. They casually chat about their plans for next week and talk about where her housemate is. With their inside jokes they come across like old friends, but you can tell they are lovers by the way Juliane tenderly strokes Theresa's hair for a split second....

...It's difficult to picture what being vulnerable could look like without witnessing any major fights, meltdowns, or arguments about the same old issues that wouldn't end. Now, talking about vulnerability on a harmonious summer evening feels a little clinical and theoretical, but maybe that's a huge part of a polyamorous lifestyle.

Her profound determination to live differently has become stronger and less compromising over the years, because she put so much effort, literary research and then first-hand experience into making polyamory work. "If people look at all the relationship models and find that polyamory doesn't work for them, that's fine too. What annoys me is people who don't reflect on society and traditions and just adopt [monogamy]."

...Maybe that's something monogamous people can learn from polyamorous people like Juliane: Instead of being so focused on one person — The One who will lead you to eternal happiness and rainbows — copying Juliane's way of relying on herself, being conscious about her own feelings and needs, may also increase the abundance of love in a one-to-one relationship.

Read the whole article (August 20, 2015). I don't find any versions but the English one.

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Oakland's "Looks Like Love to Me" triad on German TV

"A few months back we were interviewed by two TV companies," writes Dani of the triad that's making the Looks Like Love To Me documentary "– one in the US (ABC Nightline) and one in Germany. They were about a week apart from each other, and finally one has launched. The German one!

"They were a really lovely crew and spent the day with us at our house and Lake Merritt. Always impressed with how editors must take a full day or two of filming and get it down to a few minutes – but they succeed! In this filming you can hear some of the English behind the German – but I have yet to find a subtitle option."

Watch it on the show's German webpage on RTV (May 28, 2015). If the video there (3:48) won't play, try it in another browser.

Their post about the show.

Their website. As I wrote about last week, they're making their own feature-length documentary to be released in the spring of 2016.

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Poly article from Germany goes global

For the last couple years I've hardly mentioned polyamory in the news in non-English-speaking countries. There's too much easier stuff to keep up with! But coming onto the radar last month was an article from Germany (in English) that Agence France-Presse (AFP) distributed around the world.  It was published in the US on Yahoo News (it's now down), and in the English editions of media in France, Japan, Philippines, South Africa (twice), China, Taiwan, Malaysia, Kenya, North Africa, Singapore, Peru (in Spanish), Quebec (in French), at the worldwide site Reporters 365, and probably more.

In Germany, polyamory strives to 'come out'

By Frederic Happe

Berlin (AFP) - Misunderstood, dismissed and often hidden, polyamory, or having several romantic relationships simultaneously, is slowly coming out into the open in Germany aided by the efforts of a counselor and support network.

At the age of 19, Christopher Gottwald decided he didn't want a monogamous relationship and spent the next decade searching for a partner who shared his outlook. He eventually found her and their "open" relationship has lasted 13 years.

With this experience behind him, three years ago he set up his own polyamory advice and information service, offering practical and emotional help to aficionados as well as seeking to dispel myths or misunderstandings.

"I no longer believe in monogamy. For anyone," Gottwald, now in his 40s, told AFP.

"I don't believe we are made to be (faithful). The best thing is to say to yourself 'let's, us two, live together while remaining open to what may happen'," he said.

Gottwald organises conferences, workshops and individual chats on polyamory and helps run the PolyAmore Netzwerk association which has 120 members in Germany, Austria and Switzerland.

He insists on the emotional aspect of the practice in which a relationship is conducted with more than one person but with the consent of all. "It is about love. It's not just free sex where you can sleep with whomever you want," he argued....

Gottwald argues it is also simply the natural next step on from serial monogamy....

Read the whole article (Feb. 12, 2014).

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Christopher Gottwald

Gottwald has done a number of media appearances as well as his talks and workshops. I don't know how well he is connected to Germany's larger poly community, which a few years ago was estimated at 10,000 people. Here's his partial collection of press clips.

His website.

He was featured in a different German article around the same date: Liebe ohne Grenzen: Wie polyamore Beziehungen gelingen können (Love Without Limits: How to succeed in polyamorous relationships) (Lampertheimer Zeitung, Feb. 16, 2014).

Here are my past posts regarding Germany (including this one; scroll down).

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In other news, the fourth Atlanta Poly Weekend happens in just two months, June 6 - 8! The registration price goes up a bit tomorrow (April 1). It's held in a nice hotel on Atlanta's northern perimeter. Last year's APW had more than 200 people all told. Here's my writeup of APW 2012, and more from me from APW 2013.

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"Germany's Polys Speak Out"

Monsters & Critics / Münstersche Zeitung

Outside the English-speaking world, where have poly ideas taken firmest root? Germany might be a good guess. Its counterculture and out-of-the-box progressive movements match any in Europe. I get more hits from Germany than any other non-English-speaking country, and not just because I've covered loads of poly in the media there. An interesting item coming down the pike will be Antonia Levy's PhD thesis comparing and contrasting the poly movements in Germany and the U.S., for which I was just interviewed on the American side.

The online magazine Monsters and Critics this morning reprints an article adapted from a German newspaper:

Open relationships — Germany's polys speak out

By Marco Krefting

Stuttgart, Germany — Whenever Michael is away from home for a few days his girlfriend takes the opportunity to meet up with other men. Afterwards, Elisabeth calls Michael and tells him how the meetings went — and what the sex was like.

Michael and Elisabeth have a polyamory relationship: that means each person has more than one intimate relationship and the other one knows it. The pair live near Stuttgart, in a conservative part of rural Germany....

...Christopher Gottwald from Germany's PolyAmores Network (PAN) says there are no figures for how many polys live in the country. 'Polyamory is a philosophy that's based on honesty, openness and self-development. It's a broad term that describes an open lifestyle.'

The polyamory community in the United States has an estimated 100,000 members — far more than in Germany. According to Gottwald, there are growing numbers of polys who regularly meet in Germany. But they are still encountering intolerance, according to Michael. 'People do not understand. Normally, a man betrays his partner and has a secret affair.'

...Ahead of a regular monthly meeting in Stuttgart, Maria describes why polyamory is so important to her: 'I wanted to experience myself as a sensual woman again.' After almost 20 years of marriage her children had left home. Her husband spent much of his time at work and Maria felt she wanted more from life. 'I was alone and I didn't want that. It was time to pay more attention to myself again.'

...However, sex therapist Ulrich Clement says this form of relationship can be plagued by jealousy. 'Sexual transparency without any secrets such as those found in an extra-marital affair is not easy to maintain in a polyamory relationship.'

...One advantage to a polyamory relationship, according to Maria, is that she can speak to men about problems she's having with her partner. 'They know him and appreciate his qualities. It means I don't have to fall into the old, typical relationship patterns.'

Polyamory is not about having wild sex, its adherents say. Michael describes his relationships with women as sexual friendships, however, they are not one night stands - they are meant to last longer.

'Polyamory should not be compared to the free love of the 1960s,' says couple therapist Abbas Schirmohammadi. 'It's more a concept that is dictated by thought.' Polyamory requires a lot more talk about worries, fears, desires and needs with the different partners. 'That can only work when you feel comfortable with yourself. If you are dragging an inferiority complex around with you, then it won't work.'

...Is polyamory a relationship model with a future? Michael says: 'Sex quickly becomes boring in a relationship with just two people.' Michael believes that leads to what he describes as serial monogamy: when a person regularly changes partner. Gottwald believes polyamory has one big advantage over monogamy: 'It's actually the more honest version of the two relationships.'

Read the whole article (Feb. 23, 2012). The original German article appeared in the Münstersche Zeitung on February 14 with the title "Frau + Mann + Frau = Liebe".

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Germany: Culture evolution via mainstream talk show

ZDF (German TV)

At ages 68 and 67, Erika Hohndorf and Justus Rumpf are the oldest polyfolks I've seen going on television to explain and analyze their multi-loving way of life. They're German; you may recognize them from their heartwarming appearance in a German public TV documentary three weeks ago. Last night they ventured into a different setting: one of Germany's best-known TV talk shows (hosted by Markus Lanz).

According to our Berlin correspondent Viktor Leberecht, they held their own very well with the host, the other guests, and the audience. They were the focus for the first 30 minutes of a 74-minute show. Audiences over there must have longer attention spans.

Watch it here (Aug. 31, 2011).

On the English version of his website, Leberecht writes:

When a talk show host discusses polyamory there is quite a risk that it will be mediocre and that the whole theme will get drowned in prejudice and stereotypes.... The Markus Lanz show managed to avoid these pitfalls and to correct some prejudices about polyamory.

Of course there was much talk about sex, but that was good, because sex is an important part of a relationship. The polyamorous couple, Justus Rumpf and Erika Hohndorf, who had the courage to appear on the show, did amazingly well, by talking in a natural way about how important love and sex with multiple partners can be....

Apart from some critical remarks by actress Dagmar Koller, who rejected polyamory altogether, all other participants, even if they ruled out polyamory for themselves, expressed only positive opinions about the polyamorous couple's obvious harmony. The host and the other guests also defended the two against the criticisms of Ms. Koller. We heard things like, "If something is so obviously in good shape" (referring to the couple´s relationship) "then you need not criticize it."... And even Ms. Koller later in the show spoke very positively about how the two were so open, in particular that they so openly talked about sex in old age....

I admire their courage to appear before such a large audience. They themselves reported that in their circle of friends, who also live polyamorously, nobody else was willing to appear, because all had worries what the neighbors, colleagues or superiors would think.

I can well understand this concern. I myself for a long time was reluctant to be open, and cautious who I spoke to about my way of life. But I can say — and this is valid just for me and my situation — that since I started to be open, I feel much better. I’m relaxed, I’m not all that worried anymore.

I see the Polyamorous People in my native Germany in a similar situation to homosexuals in Germany 25 years ago. Homosexuality was not a crime anymore, at least for adults. But to confess to homosexuality was not normal. And nobody would have thought that Germany would have many openly gay politicians, including its current Foreign Minister, Mr. Westerwelle. The many gay coming-outs helped, in that people realized that many homosexuals lived among them, were their neighbours, their colleagues, their friends, and that homosexuals are respectable people. We need the same thing to happen for polyamory.

I think, appearances like this one will contribute to that recognition.

Read his whole post (Sept. 1, 2011). Or see his German site.

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German Public TV tells our story beautifully

Viktor Leberecht, a poly activist in Berlin, sends word of a remarkable half-hour show about two polyfamilies that just aired on the German public TV channel ZDF. "I Love Not Just One: Happy with multiple partners" was shown August 2nd as part of the documentary series 37 Grad ("37°"). It follows two groups of people in depth: a sweet, homey bunch in their 60s or so (pictured above), and a group a generation younger.

I don't know German, but the imagery in the video says so much by itself! [Update: It's now on YouTube with English subtitles added by a volunteer: http://youtu.be/y_qn9wNSvqQ . For the subtitles, click the CC button while the video is playing.] Can you imagine PBS daring to air a show on alternative relationships this gentle and kind? The title of the documentary series, 37°, is the Celsius temperature of human warmth. Think "98.6" as you watch the opening sequence.

Watch the show (in Flash). If that doesn't work, try one of the non-Flash versions. I don't know how long it will remain on the program's website. Can someone capture it? For archival purposes only, of course....

On his blogsite, Viktor Leberecht (a pseudonym) has posted links to additional material about the show, how was made, and its makers Jana Matthes and Andrea Schramm (in German).

Here's a discussion of the show on 37 Grad's Facebook page.

Also, the show's site suggests four recent German books on polyamory and open relationships as further reading, with their covers and descriptions.

And here is Leberecht's own booklist.

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Elsewhere in German public media, the public radio station Deutschlandradio Kultur broadcast a half-hour program on June 22nd, during evening prime time, titled "Because love is not exclusive! Polyamory as a concept of love and life?"

From the promo description (with help from Google Translate):

Polyamory: Created as a feminist movement in the late 90s in the U.S., this model of multiple committed relationships is currently experiencing a boom.

But can the supporters of polyamory really offer more than sexual freedom, and where exactly is the difference between open relationships and the politicized intimacy of '68?

An estimated 10,000 people are living in Germany "polyamor," and they are particularly concerned with rules and forms for their relationships. Behind this is also the need of people to continuously develop new theories of love.

Victor himself makes an appearance on the radio show. Here's the show's full written transcript. I can't find the audio online.

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Here are all my posts about German-language coverage (including this one; scroll down). I'm sure I've missed many. See the second most recent one for links to a bunch of German poly sites and resources.

Polyamory in the News gets more hits from Germany than from any other non-English-speaking country.

==============================================


ANNOUNCING A NEW WEBSITE:

ALAN'S LIST of POLYAMORY EVENTS!

I added a list of major upcoming poly events to my last post, with commentary and links to my writeups about the ones that I've been to. The list provoked enough interest, and new listings that I missed, that it clearly needs its own website.

Ta-dah! Here it is.

I intend to keep this list updated continuously. See the instructions there on how to suggest events to add. You can also post your own comments about events that you have been to.

I hope this fills the poly world's need for a single go-to place to find out about all major cons, gatherings, meetings, rallies, and festivals. Enjoy!

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Germany: Giant nude puppy pile on newsmagazine cover, re the West's poly future

This site is way past due for a roundup of poly in the German media, as a cover story in Germany's third-largest weekly newsmagazine makes clear.

Focus magazine devoted its May 22nd cover story to the future of sex and relationships in the Western world, and polyamory is the theme from which the entire article flows. For nine pages. However, I think there's less here than meets the eye.

What meets the eye on the cover is the most beautiful all-nude puppy pile I've ever seen. The article itself begins with a wider shot. Note the toddler and mom at left. No, this is not an actual poly pod; the caption says it's a performance-art exhibit in a museum's Rubens Hall.

The cover headline is, "How Shall I Love — and If I Shall, How Many? Why emotions, sex, and our relationships are going to change." (Warning, I don't read German, I puzzle at it with Google Language Tools and Babel Fish. If I've screwed up anywhere tell me.)

Focus is supposed to be what passes for a conservative magazine over there, at least on economic issues. It claims to have a high-end, information-savvy audience.

Excerpts:

How shall I love — and if I shall, how many?

By Focus editor Carin Pawlak and reporter Andreas Wenderoth

Several partners at the same time. Potency into old age. The end of romance, but of egoism too. And men could be the losers of tomorrow. Futurists and scientists describe how emotions, sex and relationships are going to change.

Silvio Wirth and Mara Fricke love three-dimensionally. They love polyamorously — in which you have multiple partners, for head, heart and body. In 2030 Wirth, a psychologist, will be 60 and Fricke, an art therapist, will be 56. And maybe they will smile a bit about the fact that they had already anticipated the future in 2010.

They live as a family with their daughter in Belzig, Brandenburg. In addition to practicing tantra they are teaching that partnerships can be boundless. They have several secondary affairs, open and "with the consent or approval of all parties." They are both happy with this agreement. "Even if there are painful moments in which we grow, we want to."

Can we imagine a future of multi-dimensional love? And so, also, a future of other emotions in 3-D, as it were? For philosopher and writer Sven Hillenkamp, the lifestyle of Silvio Wirth and Mara Fricke is a realistic possibility in the world of 2030. "Networks of people living polyamorously are renewing the idea of open relationship," he says. "These people believe that they can do both long-term: be in a partnership and have unlimited possibilities."

...These developments, however, only make visible by exaggeration — like works of art — how society as a whole is changing....

And from there the article ranges off into dark and sophisticated ruminations on the end of romantic love, Brave New World dystopias, the aging and shrinking of the German population, the disintegration of the family, a future of singles living alone with polyamorous love for their many electronic gadgets; trial marriages and drug-enhanced sexed-up old people "who will drink wine not from South Africa but from Schleswig-Holstein, where, thanks to climate change, flowering vineyards will cover the landscape," as they slip away from reality into big-screen virtual-reality 3-D.

And on it goes — seeming to me like a big, disappointing exercise in literary thumbsucking — we're such big thinkers, we're jaded and funny and depressed and that makes us important. But it's all in German so what do I know. Comments, please?

Read the whole thing. Or, since the magazine is multinational, try reading it in Portuguese! (flip the pages with your mouse).

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Coming back down to reality, here is a more focused introductory article in the Austrian newspaper Oberösterreichische Nachrichten:

Happiness is more love

In times of globalization, enhanced communication is changing our lives — and love. Unusual forms of relationship are increasingly being tried. This is about polyamory, the ability to love several people at the same time.

In German cities the theme of polyamorous love is more and more in vogue.

"More and more people believe that serial monogamy may not be the optimal way to happiness," says Wolf Schneider, editor of a magazine with a focus on esoteric Tantra. "These people do not have to hide their affairs. When you fall in love, you do not have to dispose of a person as an Ex. You are looking for loyalty and adventure at the same time — deep, lasting love and commitment, without having to build a prison for each other."

..."Polyamory is a major challenge to the individual," says Schneider.... Jealousy is the biggest hurdle, according to polyamorous lovers in real life. Ideally, the principal partner of a jealous person should treat them carefully, acceptingly, and concomitantly, similar to how one deals with the grief of a friend who has lost a loved one, or the fear of a child afraid to learn to swim. Such an attitude and willingness to meet with intense feelings is itself often a learning process. Therefore, lack of jealousy is seen as less important than willingness to face it....

Read the whole article (Aug. 8, 2009).

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In one of Germany's major daily newspapers:

What is Polyamory? "Currently the situation is complex"

Philip Schiebler, 24, and his girlfriend Inci, 23, have a polyamorous relationship. Actually, only Philip has several girlfriends. Inci is "monoamorous" because she so far hasn't fallen in love with another man. Sounds complicated? It is; nevertheless it works....

See the original in Süddeutsche Zeitung, Munich (Jan. 12, 2010). To read past the first paragraph you have to pay 2 euros.

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The spiritual/ New Age German magazine Connection devoted an entire issue to polyamory (issue number 85). The cover shows a lady holding three flowers for three guys with the headline:

I love you all!

The trend toward polyamory. And the eternal question is: solo, mono or poly — which makes for the happiest?

You can read some of the issue online or buy it for 9 euros.

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An interview with Silvio Wirth appeared in the trashy, huge-circulation tabloid Bild, August 25, 2009 (full of NSFW soft-core porn ads). Wirth guesses in the interview that there are 10,000 polys in Germany. With the article is a lively video of the newspaper collecting person-on-the-street reactions to the topic.

This is a huge improvement over the last time we heard from Bild, when it reacted (or pretended to) with shocked moralistic horror.

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Here is a lovely German TV show portraying Juliette Siegfried and her happy triad family with a toddler.

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News.de published an interview with writer and lawyer Regula Heinzelmann, who "explains how multiple simultaneous relationships are feasible, and one's responsibility to partners, and logistical problems":

Fifteen years ago you published a book about polygamy [Die neuen Paare: Anleitung zur Polygamie / The New Couples: Instructions for Polygamy]. Have things changed since then?

Heinzelmann: Not really. I practice and I support this way of life today. At that time I called it polygamy, but now there is the word polyamory. I find it better. At that time the youth were extremely against it. The reason was that their parents, in part due to infidelity, divorced often, which unfortunately also happens today. Young people saw avoiding other relationships as better. Women also were critical. Men less so, because polyamorous relationships are much more difficult for men than for women....

Read the whole article (March 11, 2009). It also includes a video clip of editorial commentary.

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Here's an article in the Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality: Friend hoppers, pleasure activism, the Schlampagne and the Octopus: Non-monogamous activism in the German lesbian-feminist subculture.

From the abstract: "Based on interviews with six activists, this article sketches four different approaches to activism around non-monogamous relationship concepts in the German lesbian-feminist subculture in the past thirty years." (Aug. 2, 2009).

"Schlampagne?" Well, a group of people made a documentary film. From the film's website (scroll down there for English):

In 2007 the first ”Ferien in Schlampenau”, which roughly translates to “Vacations in Slut Meadow”, took place in Germany, becoming since then an annual feminist summer camp for women who challenge the concept of monogamy as the sole accepted relationship model. (Watch ad.)

...In this DIY, no-budget film, voice is given to four participants in Schlampenau and they speak about polyamory, the camp itself, feminism, queer identities and their dreams for the future.

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And I'm sure that's just a sample.

Here are some German resources:

Important German poly site: www.polyamorie.de, which includes a list of further German media coverage and an extensive book list in German and other languages.

"Polyamory on the Internet" page on the website of the German magazine Connection; loads of German links.

Vienna Poly People site, with German links.

www.polyamory.ch

www.polyamore.de

OBHD (Offene Beziehung Heidelberg), with list of links.

Can't skip ZEGG (Zentrum für Experimentelle Gesellschaftsgestaltung), though it's not explicitly poly.

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New forms of marriage

When I was a teenager in 1969, one of my beloved waterbrothers found a magazine article declaring that marriage as we knew it was ending, that new and different ways of partnering were the future, and that group marriage would be one of them. Part of me was elated that ideas like our little group's were getting into print. Another part of me, even at that age and in the midst of poly NRE, knew that the article was out to lunch.

And indeed, talk of "the end of marriage as we know it" disappeared for a generation. Now it's back, driven less by starry visionaries than by ugly statistics.

You know the drill: the roughly 50% divorce rate, the high rates of cheating and infidelity (depending on which surveys you trust), and see my last post about the news that 40% of American babies are now born to unwed mothers. This is very bad news for many of those babies (yes, I'm conservative about some things. So kick me.)

But the collapse of one social structure always drives the invention of new ones. Some of those 40% of babies will grow up in stable, happy un-marriages. Gay parents have always had to live this way, and of course much of the current attention to the role of marriage in society is driven by the gay-marriage debate.

One gay-marriage solution now getting a lot of notice is for the state to quit the marriage business and let churches do it however they want — for their own members. As in France, you'd sign a civil contract at City Hall that makes you spouses under the law. Then, if you want, you could have a church wedding under the rules of the church of your choice. No church would have veto power over nonmembers' marriages.

See the argument for this idea by Stephanie Coontz, "Taking Marriage Private" (New York Times, Nov. 26, 2007). Coontz is author of the excellent books Marriage: a History and The Way We Never Were: American Families and the Nostalgia Trap. Also see San Francisco attorney Colin P. A. Jones's article, "Marriage proposal: Why not privatize?" (San Francisco Chronicle, Jan. 22, 2006).

The prospect of legalizing group marriage hovers in the background of these discussions, as conservatives point out with horrified glee. But as I've discussed, the legal frameworks for group marriage would have to be very complicated and worked up almost from scratch — unlike same-sex marriage, which maps right onto existing marriage law. I suspect it will take generations for a good body of law to evolve to accomodate polyfamilies' needs. But already this future is getting noticed.

On The Colbert Report last Thursday, for instance, Steve Colbert brought on the Catholic legal scholar Douglas Kmiec. Kmiec argues for the state to stop trying to define marriage to exclude gays. In the Catholic Church, he noted, marriage is a sacrament, and

you don't go to the state to get baptized, you don't go to the state to get confirmed.... There's a role for every church to decide the terms on which marriage will be defined in their own tradition... [but] the state has an obligation to treat all of its citizens equally and to observe the principle of equality.

Later in the interview, Colbert challenged him about allowing relationship contracts among three people. Kmiec refered to "these kinds of arrangements" as if everyone knows they exist:

Colbert: If you're just establishing a contract between two people, what's to say the state can't establish a contract between three people?... Would you agree you could make a contract between three people to share property, and have visitation rights in hospitals?

Kmiek: Well you can share a contract among three people, you can share it among a large number of people, but the state has drawn a distinction between two people and a larger number for a very good reason, because these other arrangements have side effects, external effects, where [joking] a "storm" would come and we would have to worry about it.

Watch the segment (6 minutes).

Meanwhile, a petition for legal poly marriage has started in the Netherlands. Dutch poly activist Ageeth Veenemans writes to us:

There’s a wonderful new initiative in the Netherlands. The Columbian artist Francisco Camacho started a petition to collect signatures to allow group marriage. By the end of September 2009, the petition has to bring in 40,000 signatures [to put the topic on the agenda of Parliament]. The German TV news program ’Heute in Europa’ (ZDF) paid attention to this Dutch polygamists' Initiative.

Watch the TV report (German spoken).

Read the press release about the petition (Dutch and English).

Here's more discussion in the Netherlands (on a spirituality website): "Polyamory: Evolution or Decadence?", in Dutch and English. (The article's conclusion: "Time will tell.") See also the many recent poly-related news stories in Europe cited at www.polyamorie.nl.

Lastly, Christians often say they believe in sticking with marriage as defined in the Bible. No they don't. For the Bible to define what marriage should look like, our laws should be amended as follows, comments gladkov on the liberal political blog DailyKos (Dec. 10, 2008):

A. Marriage in the United States shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women. (Genesis 29:17-28, II Samuel 3:2-5)

B. Marriage shall not impede a man's right to take concubines in addition to his wife or wives. (II Samuel 5:13, I Kings 11:3, II Chronicles 11:21)

C. A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed. (Deuteronomy 22:13-21)

D. Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be forbidden. (Genesis 24:3; Numbers 25:1-9, Ezra 9:12, Nehemiah 10:30)

E. Since marriage is for life, neither this Constitution nor the constitution of any State, nor any state or federal law, shall be construed to permit divorce. (Deuteronomy 22:19, Mark 10:9)

F. If a married man dies without children, his brother shall marry the widow. If he refuses to marry his brother's widow or deliberately does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe and be otherwise punished in a manner to be determined by law. (Genesis 38:6-10, Deuteronomy 25:5-10)

G. In lieu of marriage, if there are no acceptable men in your town, it is required that you get your father drunk and have intercourse with him (even if he had previously offered you for sex to men young and old), tag-teaming with any sisters you may have. This rule applies only if you are female. (Genesis 19:31-36)

For reference: here is a much more thorough, scholarly, non-snarky list and analysis of the types of Biblical marriage. It says basically the same things.

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"Du und ich und ich und er"("You and I and me and him")

Die Tageszeitung (Daily News), Berlin

A progressive daily newspaper in Germany, often aligned with the Green Party, presents what looks like a good introduction to what polyamory is about. Here's some of what I make of it (with lots of help from Google Language Tools):

By PHILIPP MATTHEIS

Karin's second wedding ring hangs from a chain around her neck. The other, the official one, is on her ring finger. "Unfortunately," says the 47-year-old, "in Germany you can't marry several partners." Rainer, her husband, 53, sits at the other end of the couch and nods, smiling. In addition to Karin he has "between two and five relationships, depending on how you look at it." They've been a couple for 20 years and married for nine. For about five years, they've called themselves "polyamorous" or simply "poly."

...In contrast to an "open relationship," [polys] emphasize emotional attachments to several people. Sex is a possibility but is not the decisive factor. A polyamorous relationship involves readiness for complete equality, honesty, and communication....

Polyamorists share their experiences in Internet forums, and groups also exist in larger cities. Overall, the scene in Germany has a few hundred active members.... Books like Breakfast for Threesomes [Ein Frühstück zu Dritt: Leben und lieben in Mehrfachbeziehungen] serve as guides....

...For the last few months [26-year-old Juliet] has written in her blog, polyamor.blog.de, the everyday thoughts of a young poly woman. She quotes the poet Rainer Maria Rilke: "The more love you give, the more of it you have." Sounds good; sounds simple. But it's not.

"Living polyamory is hard work," says Martin, 35, host of the website polyamor.de. "This way of life requires complete honesty and constant communication with each other." Any doubts, any harmful feelings or jealousy must be addressed....

Okay, from here on I can't resist putting up the raw Google Translator, just for hilarity:

Zerfasert not love, when they split, fragmented, it divides? Will not be the last refuge for romance to the consumer society barters away? "In my opinion, you can only Polyamorer a doubt love other people," says Martin. "Suppose you been in a stable two-heritage drawing. Routine has crept. And then you are at a party and meet a person who you will find incredibly exciting. As Mono gamer you make accusations, zweifelst to love your partner and with your partner. You are under pressure decision, you are unhappy."

(James Thurber would have loved that.)

...For Karin and Rainer... more important is to last remnants monogamer embossing rid: "In the past our common bed was always closed," says Karin. "I was not jealous of his sexual contacts with other women, but I took our common bed as a safe shelter, the only one of us. But now is no longer a problem." Recently, she said, she could be just in Hamburg at Holger's, her second husband, was, as Rainer they called on the phone. "He was so happy. He was just in love and I had to tell." Rainer grins. Then he tells how he, for the first time, Karin and Holger sexual zusah and he dazulegte. And then grin both.

Sounds hot. Here's the whole article, in German (Nov. 2, 2007).

The paper put up a poll asking its readers whether they could be happy in a poly situation. Of about 1,400 who replied, 47% said yes, monogamy is unnatural; 31% said maybe, with jealousy always present; and 22% said no, two loves would negate each other.

Updates: Sprechen Sie Deutsch? A German-language poly community has sprung up on LiveJournal. Here are its posts tagged as being about poly in German-language media.

See also Liste der deutschsprachigen polyamoren Treffen.

Also: planetpoly.org/deutsch.

Also: polyamor.blog.de, and see the section "Poly in den Medien" (right-hand column, scroll down).

Also on the same site: Presseschnipsel.

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German Green Endorses Poly; Brouhaha Ensues

"There's an interesting development in German politics," Johannes N. writes to us from that country. "Non-monogamous and alternative families are getting into the light of public debate, much more rapidly than we did anticipate."

The reason: a brash new member of the German Green Party's governing council has called for laws and a culture "that gives equality to other forms of relationship and community," including non-monogamy.

Johannes writes: "While still very few people here know the word "Polyamory" (or "Polyamorie", the adapted German spelling), we have a young, free-spirited, and courageous woman who has entered the second-most important committee of the German Green Party, the Parteirat, by a quite unexpected election result. Her name is Julia Seeliger [photo].

"She became famous quite rapidly because of the sentence: 'Monogamy isn't the solution,' [in] a press release from February by the influential Green Party's youth organization, Gruene Jugend. Basically, the declaration suggests to abolish all positive discrimination favoring heterosexual marriage, and to treat it equal to all other forms of living together, because social realities have changed."

Here is a Times of London article about Seeliger (Dec 17, 2006). Excerpt:

‘Longstocking’ seduces Germany

By Nicola Smith

A fiesty 27-year-old student, whose youthful energy and fondness for miniskirts and knee-high boots have led her to be nicknamed “Pippi Longstocking”, is poised to shake up the dowdy world of German politics.

Julia Seeliger, a journalism student and film-maker from Berlin, has shot from oblivion to national fame in a matter of weeks after her surprise election to the governing council of the Green party earlier this month.

She was dubbed Longstocking after the fictional nine-year-old children’s heroine, who lives without any sign of adult supervision, is unconventional, assertive, rich and extraordinarily strong.

In her first few weeks in the job, Seeliger has already raised hackles and made headlines with her views on legalising drugs and turning the country’s traditional marriage laws on their head.

“This Green wants to abolish marriage,” screamed the headline of the country’s biggest-selling tabloid newspaper, Bild, which claimed she wanted to put an end to monogamy and then decriminalise magic mushrooms.

The former charge has been denied by Seeliger, although she admits she would like radically to change attitudes towards relationships and marriage.

“I would like to abolish tax incentives that favour marriage and discriminate against having children out of wedlock. These laws are made by conservatives,” she said in an interview.

“In Germany, there is still the traditional view that women stay at home and do the housework while men go out and make money. We need to break these stereotypes and create a culture that gives equality to other forms of relationship and community.”

Seeliger has barely been out of the German press since her election and has sharply divided the columnists.

She has been described by some as a “small sensation” and “young, cheeky, funny and pretty”, while others have depicted her as naive and a sign that the Green party, which won 51 seats in the Bundestag in last year’s election, is dumbing down.

Her appointment came after a fiery and provocative speech in which she promised to shake-up the party and “argue with the politicians”.

To many, even those who disagree with her views, she seems a breath of fresh air who could challenge the plodding, middle-aged, dull world of the German political elite....

Here is the German text of the declaration on marriage.

Johannes continues: "The German yellow press is reacting, uhm, a bit hysterically. To cite Bild writer F. J. Wagner: 'To have multiple men, multiple women, for me is the end of love, and the end of the world.' (article, in German. And here's another Bild article.)

More about the press coverage, and Seeliger's positions, is in her own blog. And here's an article by her that appeared in Welt am Sonntag.

Continues Johannes: "In the next months, we (that is, the German-speaking European polyfolks) may have good use of some advice on how to deal with press and political campaign. If you know somebody in Europe who would like to meet one or two dozen poly activists in January in Switzerland, please drop a note to me. We try to coordinate beginning European poly-activities at http://tribes.tribe.net/polyeurope ."