The Two Big Waves of Polyamory in the News this spring

I've gone way too long without posting! I will speed up Polyamory in the News again. For now, some catch-up.

●  The wave of poly-rights legislation in Pacific Northwest cities (see previous post) caught the attention of, among many others, the New York Times. Which thinks it sees a long-term trend brewing. In the Northwest, Polyamory Finds Something New: Legal Protection (Feb. 28)

From big cities like Seattle and Portland, Ore., to small ones like Astoria, Ore., proponents of “nontraditional” romantic relationships are making headway in getting legal recognition.

By Anna Griffin

Under President Trump’s leadership, the country as a whole is swinging to the right on social policy. But the Pacific Northwest, as usual, is swinging its own way.

A wave of recent local ordinances in large liberal bastions like Portland, Ore., but also smaller communities like Astoria, Ore., which has a population of 10,181, would confer the beginning of legal protections to polyamorous relationships. The goal, pushed by a group based in California, is to establish legally protected family structures for groups of adults who are romantically or otherwise tied together under one roof.

...National Democrats might be trying to move the political conversation away from divisive social policies that helped cost them the White House in 2024, but proponents of the polyamory changes say Mr. Trump and his supporters have forced them to act. Adding protections for “nontraditional” households is a response to efforts to roll back rights for groups that already enjoy legal protections.

...Conservative activists say officials in the Northwest are using the language of nondiscrimination to foster broader cultural changes that have already run afoul of U.S. law, such as polygamy. ... “It’s ultimately an effort to recognize polygamous marriages and to do that by saying it’s discriminatory not to,” said Roger Severino, a vice president at the conservative Heritage Foundation and the architect of many of the first Trump administration’s social policies when he headed civil rights at the Department of Health and Human Services.

...In Portland, city councilors are considering a similar change in city ordinances, which they packaged as part of a response to hundreds of measures being considered in more conservative states to roll back gay and transgender rights.

At a hearing last week, they heard from more than 40 people supporting the addition of broader nondiscrimination laws that would include nontraditional family structures, including several speakers in polyamorous relationships who said clearer legal protections would help them feel more open when going about the day to day business of looking for jobs, renting homes, signing their children up for school or just engaging in small talk.

Brett Chamberlin, executive director of OPEN, the Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Nonmonogamy... cited cases of polyamorous people being denied promotions or fired from their jobs, being denied rental applications from housing providers or being refused a sexually transmitted infection test because they’re listed on paperwork as married.

...“Chosen families take a lot of different forms,” said Ms. [Jessa] Davis, executive director of the Seattle Coalition for Family and Relationship Equity, who is helping with the Olympia [WA] ordinance.  “Even polyamory isn’t just about having sex with multiple people. It’s about what your community looks like.”...

Seattle's NPR station KUOW interviewed the article's author: Polyamorous people want to be Seattle's newest protected class (March 11).

As of May 31 the measures have passed in most of the cities named. But Seattle's City Council has still delayed introducing the legislation. Some advocates of the Seattle measure say councilors are wary of possible political backlash.

●  Almost two months after that Times story, The Guardian followed on at length: Polyamorous Americans are celebrating new laws establishing their ‘inherent worth and dignity’  (The Guardian, May 3)

 AzmanL / Getty

By Jake Thomas

Amy Nash-Kille knows that not everyone would choose a polyamorous family like hers. But she called it the “greatest blessing” of her life.

Nash-Kille said she has spent the last 17 years in a committed relationship with “two gentle, loving men”, sharing the costs and responsibilities of raising four kids.

But she’s concealed her family arrangement from her graduate school adviser, co-workers and even her hairdresser. She said someone harassed her family for more than a year, and she took out a restraining order to stop it before moving her family from a Colorado suburb to Portland, Oregon, in 2011.

In March, the city became the largest in the US to pass an ordinance protecting polyamorous people and multipartnered households from discrimination in housing, jobs and public accommodation. For Nash-Kille and her partners, it was “one of the greatest relief moments of our lives”.

...The new law, she said over email, “is helping to establish the inherent worth and dignity of people who have unusual family configurations when considered by society at large”.

Portland’s ordinance is the latest in a recent wave of cities including West Hollywood and Olympia, Washington’s capital city, extending civil rights protections to those in nontraditional family or romantic arrangements. Eight cities across Massachusetts and the west coast now have some form of legal recognition of polyamorous relationships.

Taken together, the efforts signal the emergence of a stigmatized group as a political constituency, as well as a challenge to the legal dominance of the traditional nuclear family – which has become the exception rather than the rule.

...“I’d like to get the government out of the business of evaluating our personal relationships,” said Diana Adams, an attorney who heads the Chosen Family Law Center and helped write ordinances in Massachusetts.

Adams said their bigger goal isn’t marriage for polyamorous people, but “unbundling” rights and benefits tied up in institutions that favor people in traditional relationships, including taxes, health insurance benefits and hospital visitation.

Brett Chamberlin – the executive director of the Oakland-based Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy (Open), which has campaigned for the ordinances – said polyamorous people are moving from being viewed as a “lifestyle oddity” to organizing into a movement.

Efforts are already under way for more ordinances in Pacific north-west cities such as Seattle, Eugene and Astoria, as well as Hazel Park, a small city near Detroit. Chamberlin hopes this will eventually create a tipping point where states and the federal government adopt protections for polyamorous people.

A more visible population

...Greater visibility hasn’t always come with greater acceptance. Open’s 2024 survey of nonmonogamous individuals found that 60% had experienced stigma or discrimination when dealing with healthcare, child custody or acceptance from their own families.

...After Portland’s ordinance passed, Skylar Cruz recalled her group chats lighting up with supportive messages. Cruz, a 33-year-old transgender programmer, said she has been in a polyamorous relationship for about a year after she and her male partner of six years added a trans woman to their relationship.

Skylar Cruz between her partners, Jordan Lewis and Robin
Bogushevich, in Times Square, New York. Courtesy Skylar Cruz

...“I feel like we’re at a crossroads in a lot of our political values here in the US,” she said. “And we ultimately have to decide whether or not people are worth protecting for being different. As somebody who is very different, I can’t opt out of being different at this point.”

...Despite the recent momentum for protecting polyamorous people, advocates say there are hurdles ahead. For instance, Seattle’s city council has yet to officially introduce the ordinance that local advocates have lobbied for. ... Davis said councilors in larger cities have privately expressed concern that adding polyamory protections to their municipal code could draw the ire of the Trump administration. ...

...For now, Cruz said, she was considering what the future holds after securing legal protections for her relationship, which she hopes lasts the rest of her life.

“I’ve got probably 50, 60 years left,” she said. “And in that time, I want to ensure that not only are we not being discriminated against, but that we are moving towards being seen as more ordinary, more common, more accepted.”

●  The religious right is taking alarmed notice.  Albert Mohler, president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and the “reigning intellectual of the evangelical movement in the U.S.” (Time once called him), has a huge following – partly because he has earned a reputation as a genuinely thoughtful and kindly man.

Mohler has been distressed by the rise of polyamory since at least 2009. After the New York Times story, he called on red-state legislators to urgently pass laws banning their "blue dot" cities from protecting us from fear of being driven out of our jobs and homes: A Page Out of the LGBTQ Playbook: Liberal Activist for Polyamory Reveals Gameplan – This Should Be a Wakeup Call for State Legislatures (March 12).

This from a kindly and thoughtful man – in his own closed world.  Said Voltaire, "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."

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●  But the biggest polyamory-in-the-news event of the last two months has been something else: comedian Lindy West's memoir Adult Braces: Driving Myself Sane. And the flood of contrasting media reactions to it, and the reactions to the reactions. The tl;dr: Some feminists called her a sellout. Others defended her choosing the life she wants. The right pounced. The mainstream clucked. 

West was already famous as a brash voice of millennial feminism and fat pride. Adult Braces tells how a case of Poly Under Duress, pushed on her by her spouse, morphed into her more than four great years now in a happy triad. The book is her story of that transformation, centered on a fraught road trip thrashing it out with her spouse  (who identifies as nonbinary and goes by either he/him or they/them), as they drove from Seattle to Florida. Hence the subtitle.

A New York Times headline sums it up: She Wrote a Book About Her Throuple. The Internet Lost Its Mind. (March 31)

By Elizabeth Spiers

...Lindy West has written a 336-page memoir, “Adult Braces,” that, among other things, describes her polyamorous marriage to her husband, Ahamefule Oluo, and their relationship with another woman, Roya Amirsoleymani. Ms. West is a feminist writer and comedian who first gained notoriety for her take-no-prisoners work at Jezebel over a decade ago. She is, therefore, something of an internet character, at least of a certain vintage, with a yearslong trail of writing and posting where she hashes out her ideas and gives readers a sense of who she is.

Sam Whitney/New York Times

Now much of the current-day internet has decided she either isn’t who they thought she was or is lying to herself in saying she’s happy in a throuple. The resulting discourse has ranged from concern that she was coerced into agreeing to nonmonogamy to accusations that she has betrayed feminism.

She wrote an earlier memoir, “Shrill,” which was turned into a TV show starring Aidy Bryant. Ms. West has written searingly about being a fat person in a fatphobic society, reproductive rights and her abortion, and refusing to define herself by how men see her. I picked up “Adult Braces” in part because she has written so well about these issues.

In a recent interview with The Times, Ms. West said she was at first devastated by her husband’s request to open things up. “Our initial conversation was a lot of me crying and being like, I don’t want anyone else,” she said. But after much soul searching and a road trip from Seattle to Florida, she accepted the situation and eventually formed her own relationship with her husband’s girlfriend.

Any discussion of polyamory reliably generates strong opinions. ...

Much of the reaction to Ms. West’s new book has been focused on adjudicating whether she can be truly happy in a throuple when nonmonogamy was her husband’s idea and whether her happiness is consistent with her feminism. Voices on the right claim she is a victim of millennial feminism run amok, and voices on the left claim her situation is a consequence of her feminism not going far enough. Both claims rely on a caricatured idea of what feminism is. 

...Actual feminism is not a neat list of dos and don’ts; it’s simply the idea that women deserve the same agency and rights as men. That includes the ability to decide whom they want to be with and how they choose to conduct their relationships. ...

There’s another element that makes this discourse catnip: She’s not performing marriage the way some would apparently like. People often bring insecurities about their own relationships — what would they do if their partner wanted a third? — to their evaluations....

...Ms. West insists she’s happy. Many of her readers insist she isn’t. But there is no one way to be happy, just as there’s no one way to be a feminist or to conduct a marriage. ...

●  There's been so much media about this that I won't even begin to list it! Here's the lengthy list from Google News (very incomplete) as of the time you read this.  

●  West gives the details of how it began in a podcast with the New York Times' "Modern Love" columnist, Anna Martin: Lindy West Thought She Couldn’t Handle Polyamory. She Was Wrong (March 4). The tl;dr: She and the other woman fell crazy in love, and it has lasted.

Lindy West

...West: It becomes clear that the next thing we need to do is hop on a call and discuss what the heck is going on. Aham [her spouse] and Roya [his new interest] video-called me. There was definitely incredible tension in the air. I think all of us were like: “Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.” And also I don’t want to make it sound easy, because also there’s still the part of me that’s terrified. And so it’s like, inside me are two wolves; one is having the time of her life and is so electrified by this. And the other one is definitely terrified. ... And I’m using my new skills to stay in the moment with what’s actually happening in front of me, which is that I’m feeling really connected with this person, who’s beautiful and sweet and kind and funny and smart, and who loves Aham, and I love Aham. It was a very complicated video call.

Martin: And let’s just say there’s nothing more electric than finding out someone has a crush on you. How did that make you feel?

West: It was very powerful. I was immediately like, “Oh, I like her a lot more all of a sudden.” She had just been this big cloud of mystery and suspicion, and I was like, “How do I know that she’s not trying to get rid of me so that you guys can be together?” And she’s not out there thinking the vile stuff that is happening in my head. She’s out there thinking: “Oh, Lindy’s beautiful. And she seems so smart and interesting. I would love to get to know Lindy.”

And I am processing my changing feelings about Roya while I’m on the road trip. And I think I started to feel so soothed by that feeling of safety. I liked the feeling of not having a stab of panic when Aham brought up Roya’s name. And all of a sudden I wasn’t having that anymore. And I was like: “What is this new place? I want to stay here.”

Martin: The circumstances of Aham and Roya’s relationship haven’t changed. If anything, they’ve intensified, right? So the safety you feel, that’s you. You’ve created that safety, no?

West: Yes. Absolutely. And that’s why it was different, I think. So the trip continues, and I’m talking to Aham more and more about Roya. And I believe Aham sent me a sexy underwear pic of Roya with her consent. And I was like, “OK, you can tell her that that’s a beautiful photo.” I’m such a dork.

...I suggested, “Why doesn’t Roya come up to Seattle, and we’ll see what happens?” I went by myself to pick her up. And she was instantly captivating. Like she was just so pretty and so sunny and smiley. And then we went to the show, and Roya and I held hands. Then we went to a bar, and Roya and I were sitting next to each other talking, and some drunk guy came up and grabbed her arm. And I was like, “I’m going to [expletive] kill that guy.” And I kind of bodied him away from us. The feeling I had was like: “That’s my girlfriend. Why would you think you can just touch her?” And then we went to the hotel, and we [all three] had sex, and it was really fun.

...Martin: In 2022, you, Aham and Roya announce what’s happening in your relationship. Can you tell me about that?

West: We were a romantic triad. We didn’t really know how to launch. Because it felt intrusive and stressful, and I felt resentful about it. Like why do I have to explain my life to people? But it really was eye-opening to me how angry people are about non-monogamy. And I think it’s because everyone thinks that if it becomes normalized, then their husband is going to say, “Now I need to have a girlfriend.” And I just want to say that you don’t have to do that. I wasn’t looking for it, but it found me. And I too had that fear, and it came true, except what I found on the other side was a way better life than before for me.

Martin: Why? How?

West: I just feel so much more freedom for myself. I have two people who love me instead of one. And it’s really just three people that live in a house instead of two. And we all help with the dishes.

Martin: That sounds kind of nice.

West: Yes. So we’re all three together, still. We’re into year five.

●  The kerfuffle has spread worldwide. Just one example, a friendly one in Ukraine: A Prominent Feminist Opens Up About Polyamory and How It Transformed Her Marriage (112.ua, a news site promising "independence, impartiality, and only verified information," May 19).

Translated from Відома феміністка випустила мемуари про поліаморію: як це змінило її шлюб, which talks about polyamoriyu without explanation as if readers already know what it is:      

By Shostal, Oleksandr

According to Vox - Feminist writer and activist Lindy West has released her fourth book, 'Adult Braces,' a memoir detailing her journey into an open marriage and her experiences with polyamory. The book has sparked lively debates online, particularly around themes of honesty in relationships and the evolving dynamics of marriage.

Polyamory Within Marriage

In 'Adult Braces,' West recounts how she and her spouse, Aham—a nonbinary individual who uses he/him and they/them pronouns—navigated the shift toward polyamory. The memoir also explores her relationship with a third partner named Roya, who moved in with West and Aham. This new relationship structure challenges conventional ideas about marriage and partnership.

The book has received mixed reactions on social media, where readers are actively discussing the issues West raises. ... West also emphasizes that 'she has autonomy, and it’s her choice.' These statements highlight the importance of personal agency in relationships—a central theme of the book.

Ultimately, 'Adult Braces' offers more than just a personal narrative; it contributes to broader conversations about relationships, marriage, and polyamory, drawing attention from a wide audience.

This memoir marks a significant step in expanding understanding and acceptance of diverse relationship models, as polyamory becomes an increasingly common topic of public discussion. It raises questions about traditional views of family and partnership, encouraging readers to rethink their own perspectives on love and commitment. The relevance of the issues explored in 'Adult Braces' reflects a growing need for new approaches and openness to experimentation in emotional connections.

More catching up on the news coming soon. 

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Speaking of Ukraine...  as I said in the deep dark cold of their recent winter with bombed power plants, these people don't give up. Now the changing tide of the war shows that, if you don't give up, fortune sometimes swings your way.

And if you still don't get what this war means to our own future... you need the long view.

BTW, the Telegram logo of PolyamoryUkraine:

 

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Polyamory rights protection coming to more cities. The first keeps drawing media attention. New book. New coming-out film. And more.

Shea Tomac

It's been a while; I've had a time of loss and recovery. Thank you for your love and care. You know who you are.

BTW, If there's a Unitarian-Universalist community in your area, check it out in these crazy times. Don't be isolated.

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Shifting gears to upbeat,

●  Three more U.S. cities should soon pass anti-discrimination rules protecting people in poly relationships and other extended or chosen families.

Below is from a January 14th letter that OPEN, the Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy, sent to its members. OPEN is a key coordinator aiding these developments, alongside PLAC, the Polyamory Legal Advocacy Coalition.

If you want to do this work in your city or town, they want to hear from you! They're all set up to help you do it, with thoroughly vetted model legislation and tested legal and practical advice. See the email address at the end of this letter.

In the next 90 days alone, we expect three major wins that will double the number of people covered by non-discrimination protections for non-monogamy.

Olympia, WA is on track to pass protections in the first weeks of February. This campaign moved remarkably fast – conversations with the city council only began in October. When elected officials understand what's at stake and see the momentum building nationwide, they can move quickly!

Portland, OR is poised to become the largest city yet to pass these protections, covering 650,000 residents. We've been in conversation with council members for nearly a year, and the legislation has been drafted and is expected to be filed within the next two weeks. From there, we anticipate passage by February or March, marking a huge win for the Pacific Northwest.

West Hollywood, CA passed a referral last spring, essentially instructing the city attorney to draft legislative language and bring it back to council. We've been told the item will return in February or March and should pass smoothly.

These three cities alone will protect over 750,000 people.

But the momentum doesn't stop there. Seattle is building strong support, with endorsements from both the city's Human Rights Commission and LGBTQ Commission, and ongoing conversations with the mayor and council members. In San Francisco, we've secured support from a majority of supervisors and are working to identify a lead sponsor. And we're in active discussions with organizers, elected officials, and commissioners in cities across Washington, Oregon, California, and Michigan. ..

Some of these campaigns have been in the works for over a year. Others came together in a matter of months. Each win builds credibility and momentum for the next city. Each protection passed makes it easier for the next city council to say yes. And each new campaign creates a model that organizers in other communities can follow. ...

Want to see protections in your community?

We want to hear from you. Contact me [David Carlson], OPEN's Campaign Coordinator, at david@open-love.org to learn about bringing this work to your area. ...

They also need donations.

Local coverage from Olympia, Washington: Olympia may become first WA city with protections for polyamorous families (The Olympian, Jan. 14, updated Jan. 15):

The Olympia City Council unanimously approved a referral Tuesday from council member Robert Vanderpool to draft an ordinance that would ultimately create protections for polyamorous families and other diverse family structures. ...If adopted the ordinance would add “family or relationship structure” to protected groups within city code. It states the city-specific legislative language can be drafted by the Polyamory Legal Advocacy Coalition alongside the city’s attorney. ...

Vanderpool said during the meeting that the ordinance opens conversation for other cities, the county, the state and federal government to add similar protections for all family types. “Moreover, family and relationship structure includes, and is not limited to, single parent, multi generational, blended, chosen, non-monogamous and polyamory households, homes that have existed since the concept of homes existed,” Vanderpool said. ... He said the ordinance is for anyone who lives with anyone. He said it could be their mother-in-law, their friends or family, non-blood relatives and even a single mother or father. ...

Vanderpool said it gives folks legal protections and more civil liberties at a time when the federal government “acts as if liberties don’t matter or exist.” In an interview with The Olympian on Jan. 14, Vanderpool said the ordinance comes after several community members have reached out asking for expanded protections. He gave real-world examples of how the ordinance could play out in the city. ... 

Vanderpool said folks with the Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy (OPEN), which is headquartered in California, helped draft ordinance language for Olympia based on state code and other ordinances passed in California cities such as Berkeley and Oakland. OPEN founder Brett Chamberlin told The Olympian on Jan. 14 that Olympia will become the fifth city nationwide and the first in Washington to put these protections in place. He said the cities of Somerville and Cambridge, Massachusetts, adopted nondiscrimination protections around “family and relationship structure” in 2023. The following year, the cities of Berkeley and Oakland, California, followed suit. Chamberlain said all the bills are based, to varying degrees, on model legislation developed by the Polyamory Legal Advocacy Coalition. ...

And make note of this: 

...According to U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development data, familial status discrimination accounted for 8.5% of all housing discrimination complaints under the Fair Housing Act in 2024. And a 2024 survey by the Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy (OPEN) found “significant stigma and discrimination reported by adults in non-monogamous relationships across multiple life domains.”...

The Polyamory Foundation is proud to have supported the formation of both OPEN and PLAC. Your donations at work, folks!

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In other news, here are two items to keep handy for rebutting two stereotypes about us.  

●  Is polyamory all about white upper-class elites? Commentators left and right sometimes say so.  Justin Lehmiller reminds us that research keeps clearly finding otherwise: Who's Into Polyamory? (Psychology Today professionals' blogs, Dec. 18)

Key points:
–  The stereotype of polyamorists as young, wealthy, White, and liberal isn't supported by the data.

–  Polyamorists come from highly diverse demographic backgrounds [race, income, education level, geographic region, religion].

–  People who identify as polyamorous tend to be more non-conformist in general.

Maybe upper-class white elites are just more able and willing to go public. Maybe the media just think they're more camera-ready.

●  And a comprehensive new meta-analysis (statistically rigorous combination of many studies) confirms that monogamists and polyfolks are equally happy (or unhappy) with their relationships: Major review challenges the “monogamy-superiority myth” (PsyPost, Jan. 5)

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●  Lofty establishment media seem ever less scared to be seen recognizing us in public. The Wall Street Journal: One Throuple Had Three Separate Design Tastes. How Did They Manage a Renovation? (in the WSJ's  "Mansion" home section, Dec. 17. Paywalled).

After buying a ‘plain vanilla’ box, a Chicago trio brought in an interior designer who blended their aesthetics and added elements like a moody den for socializing and a three-person bed.

Lucy Hewett / WSJ

When corporate strategist David Gobberdiel and pharmacist Ryan Tungate started living together in Chicago in 2013, they never intended to open their relationship, let alone their home, to a third partner. But when they met consultant Michael Cowell, 35, through mutual friends in the summer of 2018, things took an unexpected turn. 

“We just clicked,” says Gobberdiel of the instant connection. The throuple, which is a committed romantic or sexual relationship between three people, took it slow at first. ...

● The New York Times just gave prestigious op-ed space to Alison Bechdel, the legendary Dykes to Watch Out For cartoonist and popularizer of the Bechdel test, now in her graying years. She presents a sardonic update on modern life for some of her old characters, including herself, and capitalism's ever-ready adaptations: 8 Things You Need to Start Your Own Commune (Jan. 11). That's her holding the blueprint.

See all 8.

●  Also in the New York Times, in a year-end summary: Quiz: Do You Speak 2025?  "...words like slop, brat, brain rot, skibidi toilet, and solo polyamory had become part of some people’s everyday life...."  (Dec. 23)

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●  Another look at today's poly Somerville, where the movement for polyamory-rights legislation first took hold.

Two weeks after the Times of the UK ran that big, glowing feature from across the ocean, the student-run Harvard Crimson just a few blocks from Somerville published their version: Love and the Law: A Look at Polyamorous Camberville (Oct. 18.)  "Camberville" is localspeak for Cambridge and Somerville; they're socially similar and share a long border.   

It too is long. Excerpts:

Victoria Chen

By Rose C. Giroux and Claire Jiang

Five years ago, longtime Somerville resident Suzanne was writing more thank you letters than usual, and to a surprising recipient: the City Council. ... The Somerville government had just passed an ordinance that made national headlines: this was the first time that any U.S. city had redefined the bounds of a domestic partnership — a legal arrangement that allows partners to formalize their relationship – to “entity formed by people.”

“It just makes it feel like it’s a community that sees and supports who I am,” Suzanne said.

...Others expressed personal pride that their city was the first place in the U.S. to protect polyamorous practice. Still others characterized the legislation as “mostly placating” or “mostly symbolic.”

These ordinances also resulted in an onslaught of media coverage — much of which focused on the sexual logistics of large polycules — that promoted a sensationalized view of Somerville’s polyamory community.

...Our conversations with 10 polyamorous residents in Cambridge and Somerville revealed a more nuanced picture. ...

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[Anthony C.] Byrne had just broken up with a long-term partner, and [Haley J.] Slavick was preparing to get married to her long-term girlfriend.

Because Bryne was still fairly new to this form of relationship, he had researched extensively to understand the intricacies of polyamory. “Anthony’s probably read more books about polyamory than I have. He had all of the terms. He seemed really well-versed,” [Haley] recalls.

For Slavick, one of the tricky parts of polyamory — especially with marriage involved — is navigating its legal and social implications. Unlike her budding romantic relationship with Bryne, Slavick’s marriage meant that her partnership would be legally recognized by the government. ...

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... [Sam] Jones grew up in Melrose, often escaping to Cambridge and Somerville on the Red Line. ... Jones was already seeing polyamory in action. Dinners at his childhood best friend’s home were crowded — his friend’s parents hosted their partners for meals each night. “It became very normalized for me,” he says.

“There were a bunch of adults around who knew my friend and cared about him and his siblings,” Jones says.

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...“Everyone on the City Council knows someone who is polyamorous. This is Somerville,” J.T. Scott, a Somerville city councilor, says.

...[In 2020] the 11 city councilors drafted an ordinance for domestic partnerships, previously nonexistent in the municipal code. As they were finalizing the legislation that would define domestic partnerships between two people, Scott asked a modest but far-reaching question: why only two?

This question led the city council to expand the definition of domestic partnership to “between people” rather than “between two people.” The one-word deletion and intentionally vague language allowed the ordinance to cover a number of communities without specifying terms like “polyamory” or “consensual nonmonogamy.”

...Since 2020, there have been 487 domestic partnerships in Somerville, 22 of which are multi-member.

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Three years after the 2020 ordinance, the city council passed another series of bills defining “family or relationship structure” as a protected class, akin to race, gender, or sexual orientation. The ordinances also extended specific anti-discrimination protections in police interactions, employment, and housing.

These additions, [councillor Willie] Burnley says, have legal implications beyond polyamorous unions. They also apply to families that look different than the nuclear family of two parents and two children — intergenerational families, adults taking care of an elderly parent, and more.

“The point was that the government should not be discriminating against people based on the shape and contours of their family,” Burnley adds.

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Chelsea R. Martinez, who recently moved to the area, says that focusing on polyamory and the Somerville ordinances detracts from other, more pressing issues. “If one thing is clear, it’s that existing rights are not being protected,” she says. To her, there are currently bigger issues at stake: ICE camp-outs in Camberville, infringements on academic freedom, and housing affordability.

“Arguing for rights for a very small and relatively privileged group of people who already have more rights than most people — I just don’t think that’s interesting,” she adds.

...When we ask Scott to explain the relationship between legislation, identity, and labeling — trying to solidify connections between layers of analysis — he stops us in our tracks. To him, this story is simple: “This costs communities nothing. To recognize the dignity and existence of our neighbors costs us nothing.”

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While Suzanne and their first polyamorous partner separated romantically over time, they still live near each other. “Having room for that type of shift, and still being able to be important people in each other’s lives has been really lovely,” they say.

It’s a common theme for Suzanne, who prioritizes building a strong network around themselves. “I like to create a web around me to support me, whether that’s romantic or platonic or family,” they say. “I just need support. Not even emotional support, just people-in-my-life support.”

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In the rather noisy warmth of The Burren — [a bar that's] the unofficial heart of Somerville’s social life — [Sarah K.] Biddle and their partner Routt have managed to stake out a spot for themselves near the stage. The banjos are loud, and the sound of fiddles weave in and out the conversation.

...Biddle and Routt met through a Boston Queer Poly Women’s group meet-up, where they discovered their shared love for lists. Two months into dating, they were already ¾ finished with an exhaustive “Relationship Checklist.”

....Together, Biddle and Routt explain [the] labels, using escalators, gardens, and kitchen tables to build their world. The “home” of polyamorous vocabulary helps with understanding occasionally complicated dynamics — words are the wooden framing that gives polyamory shape.

--------------------------

...There are stumbles and mishaps.

...When Martinez went on her first date in Boston, she quickly realized that the person sitting across from her did not want to be there. “It was very clear that they had really been pushed to go date so that it would make the other person’s dating okay,” she says.

Others, like “Polysecure” author Jessica Fern, note how polyamory has been over-sexualized by major news outlets in recent years. According to Fern, a recent article “distorted much of what I shared, over-sexualizing and sensationalizing me as a polyamorous woman, while overlooking the real depth of my poly family’s day-to-day life.”

To the locals in Camberville like Slavick, polyamory is also not so sex-motivated or “sexually deviant.” ... “Realistically, most poly people are just normal people that have more than one partner.” ...

-------------------------

Suzanne wrote thank-you letters to the Somerville
City Council after the passage of the ordinance
on domestic partnerships. (Mae T. Weir)

While Suzanne and their first polyamorous partner separated romantically over time, they still live near each other. “Having room for that type of shift, and still being able to be important people in each other’s lives has been really lovely,” they say.

It’s a common theme for Suzanne, who prioritizes building a strong network around themselves. “I like to create a web around me to support me, whether that’s romantic or platonic or family,” they say. “I just need support. Not even emotional support, just people-in-my-life support.”

-------------------------

In the rather noisy warmth of The Burren — [a bar that's] the unofficial heart of Somerville’s social life — [Sarah K.] Biddle and their partner Routt have managed to stake out a spot for themselves near the stage. The banjos are loud, and the sound of fiddles weave in and out the conversation.

...Biddle and Routt met through a Boston Queer Poly Women’s group meet-up, where they discovered their shared love for lists. Two months into dating, they were already ¾ finished with an exhaustive “Relationship Checklist.”

....Together, Biddle and Routt explain [the] labels, using escalators, gardens, and kitchen tables to build their world. The “home” of polyamorous vocabulary helps with understanding occasionally complicated dynamics — words are the wooden framing that gives polyamory shape.

--------------------------

...There are stumbles and mishaps.

...When Martinez went on her first date in Boston, she quickly realized that the person sitting across from her did not want to be there. “It was very clear that they had really been pushed to go date so that it would make the other person’s dating okay,” she says.

Others, like “Polysecure” author Jessica Fern, note how polyamory has been over-sexualized by major news outlets in recent years. According to Fern, a recent article “distorted much of what I shared, over-sexualizing and sensationalizing me as a polyamorous woman, while overlooking the real depth of my poly family’s day-to-day life.”

...To the locals in Camberville like Slavick, polyamory is also not so sex-motivated or “sexually deviant.” ... “Realistically, most poly people are just normal people that have more than one partner.” ...

●  And more local Somerville. Not to be outdone, the Tufts Daily at Tufts University in Somerville itself then ran a similar feature talking to local folx: Polyamorous citizens of Somerville prove that more really is merrier (Nov. 24)

Shea Tomac

...Four polyamorous Somerville residents spoke to the Daily and 44 additional locals shared their thoughts on polyamory in Somerville through a survey.

Michael, a software engineer, has been polyamorous since 2015. ... “It’s something that feels pretty intrinsic to me, and I don't think that I’d be able to do relationships any other way,” they said. “Orientation is the wrong word, but it’s the best one I’ve got.”

...Cameron, another Somerville resident, finds that perspectives around polyamory have shifted. ...

“A lot of earlier poly literature from when I was first exploring [polyamory] would say people are hardwired to be polyamorous or monogamous,” he said. “Since then, the discourse has evolved into it being something that you can proactively choose as a value. … It can just be important to you not to restrict other people’s behavior. And that’s different from it being something that’s inherent to you.”

--------------------------

Another local, K, has always felt polyamorous, though they didn’t understand polyamory at the beginning.

“...[It] was just what we did, and we were gothy, anime dweebs. … It just made sense to be a kind of counter culture.”

Before they settled into a polyamorous lifestyle, K’s desire to have multiple relationships ended many of their past unions.

“I [cheated] on people that I felt really bad about, but … I [couldn’t] seem to not want [it],” they said. “[If] I had the language, maybe I could have said, ‘I want to do this with somebody else, and it has nothing to do with you.’ ”

--------------------------

A significant amount of overlap exists between the polyamorous community and the LGBTQ+ community. Out of the 21 polyamorous survey respondents, only three do not identify as LGBTQ+.

...Cameron agreed . “The queer community has a lot of polyamorous people, various artistic communities, people who play [Dungeons and Dragons] and do [live action role-playing] and stuff. There’s a lot of overlap between all these groups,” he said.

--------------------------

...K recently welcomed a child with both of their partners and cited difficulty in including both partners on all of said child’s paperwork. K and their child’s biological parent are the default parents on all documentation, but they have to work to include the third parent in all things legal.

“It’s just death by bureaucracy,” K said.

They’ve been able to make it work, though, and share parenting duties between all three caregivers. And, by virtue of living in Somerville, a lot of this documentation has been made easier.

In fact, K recently entered a formal domestic partnership with their child’s biological parent. Though they only intended to enter a domestic partnership with one of their partners, the form presented to them in this effort featured enough lines for multiple partners.

“It was like, … ‘These below people shall enter henceforth into domestic partnership’: line, line, line, line, line,” K said. ... That’s so mind boggling. there is a room for us. We have a form, for God’s sake. It’s a form for me!”

...K also added that having multiple partners has been “fantastic” in raising their child. ...

--------------------------

Local culture contributes a lot to the ability of polyamorous to thrive. 59.1% of (the paper's 44) survey respondents find Somerville very accepting of polyamory and non-monogamous unions and an additional 27.3% find Somerville somewhat accepting.

...70.4% of survey respondents find polyamory to be very or somewhat common in Somerville, and Michael and Cameron noted that it doesn’t feel like a particularly unusual identity here.

“At least in my age range, [for] the people I’m around all the time, [polyamory] feels like a potential default in a way that it doesn’t in other places,” Michael said.

...In addition to being polyamory-friendly, many cite Somerville’s LGBTQ+-forward culture as contributing to their desire to live there. “Knowing that there is a high density of polyamorous and also a lot of LGBTQ+ people — that was attractive to me because it just felt like a place where I could be myself,” Cameron said.

Polyamory is so common and interconnected in Somerville that some people joke about (or even believe in) the existence of a city-wide polycule. ...

-------------------------------------

●  The Pope says no. But why now? First a short news summary (from Deutche Welle in Germany): 

The Vatican has issued a warning about the growing acceptance of polyamory,  reaffirming its teaching that marriage is a lifelong, exclusive union between a man and a woman. Its new 40-page document, "One Flesh—In Praise of Monogamy," approved by Pope Leo XIV, addresses the rise in non-monogamous relationships, including polyamory—where people engage in multiple consensual romantic relationships—and polygamy, where one man has multiple wives.

The document argues that these forms of relationships stem from a misunderstanding of love and warns that they contribute to rising divorce rates and increasingly weaker relationships, which the Church views as harmful to lasting commitment. Polygamy is still widely practiced in parts of Africa, whereas polyamory is more openly practiced in Europe and other Western countries.

The Vatican's  message (Una Caro, "One Flesh"), which the Pope approved, was prompted by African bishops complaining about a local rise in traditional polygamy. To that a Vatican council added polyamory, because we've become such a thing.

Why now? CNN's chief data analyst Harry Enten explained, in shocked tones, on Erin Burnett's Out Front show (Nov. 26):

Building a trend line as to how many people are in a polyamorous relationship now versus 20 years ago is a little bit difficult. But we do know that the percentage who say it’s morally acceptable is up like a rocket. I mean, you compare it to 20 years ago, we were talking about just 6%. Look at it now, 21% say polygamy [sic] is morally acceptable. 

That's from Gallup polling. Enten added that the younger the people being polled, the more the support goes up. For "younger folks" he said, the figure was "more than 30%!"

------------------

Some points in the Vatican's declaration deserve rebuttal.

–  Long-term studies have found that kids raised in ethical-poly households are at least as healthy, emotionally adjusted, and successful as kids raised in monogamous households of the same socio-economic status. And for what they're worth, here are 29 recent stories from poly-household kids looking back after they grew up.

–  From my own years of experience in the community and following social media, there's good reason to believe that modern, ethical polyamory saves at least as many marriages as it breaks. And some of the failures were headed that way already; the troubled couple tried poly as a last resort, such as after one got caught cheating.

●  Poly activist and educator Natalie Davis has her book out: Saying Yes: My Adventures in Polyamory. She writes us, "Yesterday [Jan. 13] was the book launch. I had over 70 people at People’s Book in Takoma Park, Maryland." Her book tour continues.

An early review in the Los Angeles Times: ‘Polyamory made me feel like a teenager.’ One woman’s chaotic, sexy journey (Jan. 13). Some bits:

By Julia M. Klein

...The book’s main thread is Davis’ journey from a conventional, mostly happy but imperfect marriage to a full-throated embrace of polyamory, a subject that’s recently earned its share of cultural buzz. This account has no great literary merit, but it’s an undeniable page-turner with utility to anyone contemplating the lifestyle.

...Davis, to her credit, doesn’t sugarcoat just how difficult it can be, especially for those new to its often inchoate norms. Not everyone can shed jealousy, let alone manage “compersion,” which entails rejoicing in a partner’s happiness with someone else. Another issue is just how “out” to be, at work and elsewhere, about one’s preferences; the Davises worry about how and when to break the news to their teenage son.

Salient to Davis’ particular story is her lack of early romantic and sexual experience. ... “More often than I would have expected,” she writes, “polyamory made me feel like a teenager.”

...Sensing that monogamy was not [her husband Eric's] jam, Davis agreed to try swinging. That meant going to sex clubs and looking online for couples who might be a fit for them both, a challenging endeavor — and just a waystation, it turned out, to something more ambitious.

...“My first year of polyamory was one of the worst years of my life,” Davis admits. Eric eventually moved on to other (in Davis’ view, far nicer) girlfriends, and welcomed them into their marital home, practicing “kitchen table polyamory.” In Davis’ description, he is devoid of jealousy, a generous soul always rooting on her efforts to find worthy secondary partners.

Davis, in contrast, struggled. Finding lovers was not a problem. She comes across as intensely sex-positive, easily orgasmic and devoid of any trauma or shame around sex. ... But for a while, a new love — a mutual one — proves elusive. ... Felix, whom she meets on a kink site, is a sexy dominant who thrills her but keeps canceling dates. Hank, from OkCupid, describes himself as “completely bloody insane.” He nevertheless becomes both her first real boyfriend and an object of obsession. ...

As Davis becomes a more experienced polyamorist, her satisfaction grows. She chooses more emotionally intelligent partners and finds more accepting metamours too. She and Eric attend gatherings — from a poly conference to a “kink camp” — in which strangers quickly become lovers and friends.

Per her author bio, Davis is now a force in the poly community [true], presenting workshops on polyamory and [co-]editing an online publication called “Polyamory Today” [on Medium. It has a stable of 74 writers].  ...

She reads a bit of the book on Insta.

Watch for more big projects coming from her and Eric.

●  A belated, much deserved shout-out for Alex Alberto's short film Coming Out Polyamorous for Thanksgiving. This true story, adapted from a chapter of Alberto's memoir Entwined, made its public streaming debut in time for Thanksgiving after showing in film festivals. It's had 19,000 views so far. We at The Polyamory Foundation proudly helped fund it. This is going to be a permanent classic, especially arould Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, and Christmas.      

For the first time since coming out as polyamorous, spouses Alex and Don are hosting Don’s Southern parents for Thanksgiving in their New York City apartment. The fifth seat at the table is for Aly,Don’s partner of three years. Aly and Alex have developed a deep metamour connection, and introducing Aly to Don’s parents is an important step for integrating the lives of all three. But tensions escalate when Don’s parents struggle to understand the relationship dynamics between their son and his partners, and the polycule must weigh biological family against their chosen one.

Trailer, with many viewers' comments. Alex is played by the person in the brown vest.

Watch the whole film for free on YouTube (19 minutes). At the very end we're given a glimpse of the real-life three of them. 

● And speaking of Thanksgiving, learn from others' holiday catastrophes. Such as, Never lie to your partner about your parents being fine with poly when in fact your parents haven't a clue what's going on.

A family's turkey-table drama blew up on Reddit and then in People magazine (with an online readership in the tens of millions). The young, engaged couple here were not poly; the bride's parents were in a triad. Woman Says Thanksgiving ‘Blew Up’ After Fiancé Hid Her Parents’ Poly Relationship from His Family for Years. (People, Nov. 28)

...This year, both [sets of parents]were finally able to come together for Thanksgiving at the home she shared with her fiancé. Everything felt normal until she stepped away to check on the food, and when she returned, she sensed tension, writing that “things were noticeably awkward” and that everyone except her fiancé “looked uncomfortable.”

She described the meal as painfully quiet, saying her fiancé’s parents “left for their hotel as soon as we’re done eating,” skipping dessert and offering no explanation. Confused, she later learned what had happened from her mother, who pulled her aside to talk.

Her mother [who was in the throuple] told her that during a casual conversation about an upcoming trip, her fiancé’s mother asked, “Rose is going with you?” When her mother replied “of course,” the fiancé’s parents grew visibly disturbed. Her mother then clarified that they were all in a relationship, which, as the poster put it, “even further disturbed them.”

She wrote that her mom was hurt because she believed her daughter had lied about the fiancé’s parents being accepting, telling her, “She was hurt I lied that his parents were okay with them.”  The poster insisted she had told the truth and that her fiancé had misled both sides.

She said her parents soon left, and afterward she confronted her fiancé, sparking what she described as “a huge argument.” She wrote that he admitted “he didn’t know how to tell them, so he just didn’t,” revealing that he had claimed that Rose was her “aunt” who lived with the family to save on rent. ...

...so the fiance's parents assumed the two women were sisters and all in a sexual relationship.

People magazine got the story from the daughter's AITA ask that exploded on Reddit. Then Bored Panda picked up the story and its aftermath: “He’s Been Lying To Me For 2.5 Years”

So [the] woman asked the internet if she was wrong to blame her fiancé for making their joint Thanksgiving a “disaster” when she discovered that he never told his parents that hers were polyamorous.

As it turns out, lying and then refusing to take any responsibility isn’t a good look. ...

The Reddit hive declared that her fiancé was a cowardly lying coward and therefore a poor marriage prospect. The gal updated to say she had paused their engagement.

And the two sets of parents, the couple and the throuple? Minus the kids, they held their own "do-over dinner" and all became friends.  

● Let's close with a warm fuzzy. Reddit user u/kingtrashbird posts on r/polyamory (which has 218,000 weekly visitors), 

“Great use of polyamory”

On his first date with his now-partner, my husband described himself as a “beer snob,” and apparently his date went all starry eyed as my husband explained his beer preferences in great detail. When he came home and told me this story, I laughed and told him that this is a great use of polyamory, since I hate beer, and he’d been looking for someone “to have beers with” for a while.

Two years later, the three of us are in a triad, and “great use of polyamory” has stuck around. ... 

I want German food, and my husband isn’t into it, but my boyfriend is super excited? Great use of polyamory. ... My boyfriend needs to go glitter shopping and my husband is totally out of his depth while I peruse my personal glitter collection for ideas? Great use of polyamory.

This phrase has become such a staple in our household, and it’s always a sweet moment when someone reminds you gently that they aren’t the partner you do that activity with, but that they know you have someone who will find so much joy in doing that activity with you.

----------------------------------------------------

BTW, you noticed that Ukraine flag in that Alison Bechdel strip above? Of course it was part of their Iwo Jima. Why? Read this anew: 

 

Now we are overtly in a world struggle: for whether free and open societies, or brutal illiberal oligarchies, will rule the 21st century. The outcome is uncertain.

What's happening in America is only a part. Would-be authoritarian rulers east and west are making common cause, with direct mutual support that is increasingly stated out loud. Russia's invasion of free, liberalizing Ukraine remains the hottest front line so far. Ukraine’s fate will likely set the international order that we will live under for maybe a generation or more to come.

I've seen too many progressive movements die out, or get wiped out, because they failed to scan the environment accurately and understand their position in it strategically. We polyamorous people are a small, weird minority of social-rule breakers. Our freedom to choose our relationship structures, and to speak up for ourselves about the truth of ourselves, depends on a free and pluralistic society that respects people's freedom and dignity to create their own lives and identities, to access facts, and to speak of what they know.

Innovative people, communities, and societies who create their own lives, and who "choose to live within the truth" per Václav Havel — and who insist on the democratic structures and rights to do so safely — infuriate and terrify the world's authoritarians. 

Such rulers seek to stamp out other people's freedom to choose their lives — by fear and intimidation, by inflammatory disinformation and public incitement, by subverting courts and agencies, by official erasure, by shifting wealth and power ever upward, and eventually, sometimes, by artillery and glide bombs.

For what it's worth, Polyamory in the News received more pagereads from pre-invasion Ukraine over the years (56,400) than from any other country in eastern Europe.

Defiance, December 2025. In a ruined electric power plant struck by Russia, a Ukrainian
orchestra and chorus answered with the traditional Shchedryk of hope during
cold and dark (later rewritten in the West to be Carol of the Bells.)

Video. Play it loud. These people are in their fourth winter in the
cold and dark. They don't give up. Why should you?

For those of us born since World War II, this is the most consequential war of our lifetime. Because calculating fascism, at home and abroad, is rising and sees freedom, liberalism, and social tolerance as weak, degenerate, delusional — inviting easy pushovers. As Russia thought it saw in Ukraine. All sides worldwide are watching which way things will fall, and what we Americans will do about it.

Background: "The United States has a much higher stake in Russia's war on Ukraine than most people think."  More: "If we stop supporting Ukraine, then everything gets worse, all of a sudden, and no one will be talking about “fatigue” because we will all be talking about disaster."

The coming times may require harder things of us than now. We don't get to choose the time and place in history we find ourselves born into. We get to choose how we respond to it. 

Here's an easy start: See mobilize.us for your local groups and actions. Join No Kings and your local Indivisible. Read Indivisible's guide for good-citizen strategy and tactics. Read and follow the personal guidelines for living in such times that have been learned from history, in Timothy Snyder's On Tyranny. 

Stop moping and buck up. Play this, and this, and this, by people heading into a scarier part of the fight than you or I will face. Another: "My Son, Hold On."  Sixteen thousand more of those, sorted for just that one background song by Shadow Phoenix. (lyrics)

Some people on the Western world's eastern front trying to hold onto an open society. (TW: 2000 Meters to Andriivka documentary. War is awful.) Maybe your granddad did this facing Hitler's advance — for you, and for us, because a world fascist movement was successfully defeated that time, opening the way for the rest of the 20th century.

But the outcome didn't look good for a few years then either. Popular history remembers the 1945 victory over the Nazis and the joyous homecoming. Less remembered are the defeats and grim prospects from 1939 through early 1943.

Some Americans have felt called there because they were more able than most. They will be points of light in history's darkness. By comparison, you and I have it easy.

Remember, the Ukrainians say they are doing this for us too. They are correct. In the global struggle between a brighter future and a fearful revival of the dark past that's shaping up, the outcome is again uncertain. It will determine the 21st century and the handling of all its other problems.

----------------------------------

PS: Ukraine should not be idealized as the paragon of an open democratic society. For instance, ‘A Big Step Back’: In Ukraine, Concerns Mount Over Narrowing Press Freedoms. And it has quite the history of being run by corrupt oligarchs — leading to the Maidan Uprising of 2013, the Revolution of Dignity in 2014, and Zelensky's overwhelming election in 2019 as the anti-corruption candidate. So they're working on that. And they're stamping hard on the old culture of everyday, petty corruption.  More on that.  More; "Ukraine shows that real development happens when people believe they have an ownership stake in their own societies."

And now, 

On the morning of November 28 [2025], Ukrainian law enforcement did something it had never before done in its history: It showed up at the apartment of the head of the president’s office to investigate him for graft.

Commentators around the world have noted the strain that an unfolding scandal has put on the Ukrainian presidency at a time when the United States is pressuring the country to make concessions to Russia. But just as striking is the fact that an investigation into energy-sector kickbacks at the highest levels of government and business is happening at all. This is in many ways a victory for Ukrainian democracy, and for a civil society that, since the 2014 revolution on the Maidan, has worked tirelessly to hold its government to account, even during wartime.

Wrote US war correspondent George Packer in The Atlantic early in the war, 

Here was a country with a tragic history that had at last begun to build, with great effort, a better society. What made Ukraine different from any other country I had ever seen—certainly from my own—was its spirit of constant self-improvement, which included frank self-criticism. For example, there’s no cult of Volodymyr Zelensky in Ukraine—a number of Ukrainians told me that he had made mistakes, that they’d vote against him after the war was won. Maxim Prykupenko, a hospital director in Lviv, called Ukraine “a free country aspiring to be better all the time.” The Russians, he added, “are destroying a beautiful country for no logical reason to do it. Maybe they are destroying us just because we have a better life.”

They have a word there, with a deep history, for the horizontal, self-organized, mutual get-it-done that grows from community social trust: hromada. We polyfolks often dream of creating something like that community spirit in miniature, in our polycules and networks. Occasionally we succeed.

----------------------------------

Social attitudes in Ukraine are mostly traditional, rooted in a thousand years of the Orthodox Church. But in the last generation the ideal of modern European civil society has become widely treasured. The status of women has fast advanced throughout society. As of November 2025, 70,000 women volunteer in the armed forces, not just in support roles and as drone pilots but as combat officers, artillery gunners, tankers, battlefield medics, snipers, and infantry. Some LGBT folx in the armed forces display symbols of LGBT pride on their uniforms, with official approval, whereas in Russia it's a crime for even a civilian to show a rainbow pin or "say gay." A report on Ukraine's LGBT+ and feminist acceptance revolutions. Another. Another. Another. War changes things.

Polyfolks are like one ten-thousandth of what's at stake globally. Ukraine must have our full support to win its security, freedom, and future. Speak up for it.

                                     

A Russian writer grieves: "My country has fallen out of time."

PPS:  U.S. authori-tarians, such Pete Hegseth and Ted Cruz, say that allowing even the most capable women into frontline roles is a woke plot to weaken America's armed forces. Ukraine puts that shit to bed. Do you have a relative who talks like that? Send them this video link to Vidma, a junior lieutenant who commands a mortar platoon, recounting one of their many battles.

Update September 2026: Four years later Vidma is still alive and promoted. Her former mortar unit graduated to heavy artillery, and she is now part of a large front-line drone operation. Article about her family September 2026.  Instas. Their lives, and their promising society, depend on us. 

And maybe our own? Says Maine's independent Senator Angus King,

Whenever people write to my office [asking why we are supporting Ukraine,] I answer, 'Google Sudetenland, 1938.' We could have stopped a murderous dictator who was bent on geographic expansion…at a relatively low cost. The result of not doing so was 55 million deaths.

             

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