The 35 polyamory conventions, retreats, gatherings in 2020!

In addition to Polyamory in the News, I maintain Alan's List of Polyamory Events: conferences, retreats, and so forth that are large enough to draw people regionally, nationally, and internationally — with paragraph descriptions and my impressions from the ones I've been to. Right now, 35 such events are on deck for 2020.

Below is a snapshot of the list as it stands at the end of 2019. I maintain it continuously for 12 months ahead. Bookmark it, and keep checking in!

And there's always a link here in the right-hand sidebar.

I hope to meet you at some of these.

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Any I missed?  Fixes needed?

Write me at  alan7388 (at) gmail.com

—Alan M.,  Polyamory in the News

How to find your LOCAL POLY GROUPS

● Poly Living East (Philadelphia)
February 7–9, 2020
Philadelphia, PA

Poly Living is put on each year by the Loving More nonprofit group, in an excellent large hotel near the Philadelphia airport and a rail stop. This will be Poly Living's 15th year (the 13th under Loving More's management). It's been drawing a lively, increasingly diverse crowd of 200 to 250 interesting people for talks, workshops, socializing, sharing, party and fun. Here were the 2019 presenters. Here's my writeup of the first Poly Living I attended (2006). In 2012 I gave the keynote speech. I'll be back again this time. Hope to meet you there!

Loving More, "supporting polyamory and relationship choice since 1985," is the original poly organization of the modern era and played a central role in getting the whole movement going.


● Winter Poly Wonderland
February 14–17, 2020
Abrams Creek Retreat Center, Mt. Storm, WV

Indigo Dawn, Dawson Driver, Michael Rios and their friends and partners in Network for a New Culture organize several poly and poly-friendly workshop retreats around the year at the Abrams Creek Conference Center in the mountains of West Virginia. Their goal is to build, over several days, an enduring network of sympathetic people from all over who won't necessarily fall out of touch as happens after most events. “The point is building tribe,” says Michael.

I went to Winter Poly Wonderland 2018 and have attended the (largely poly) Network for a New Culture Summer Camp East for many years. New Culture's practices for community creation and interpersonal-skills development, from ZEGG Forum to relationship-skills workshops, are ideal for this ambitious goal. “Here is where you can meet other poly people at a deeper level, learn the skills needed to handle your relationships, and become a part of a supportive network of people who share your relationship values.” Winter Poly Wonderland is one of the smaller, more intimate of these events; 29 of us attended in January 2018.


● Kleines Polytreffen, Winter (Germany)
February 21–25, 2020
near Fulda, Germany

The German organization PolyAmores Netzwerk (PAN) e.V., at Polyamory.de, runs transregional "Poly Meetings" for German-speaking polyfolks in Germany, Switzerland and Austria. According to the organizers, the gatherings serve as "a platform for networking and for the exchange of experiences and practical know-how. Also theoretical discussions and the planning of cultural and political activities. The programme is self organized by the participants. Minimum age 18. Two 'Grand Poly Meetings' take place every spring and fall; these draw 40 to 150 people for up to 70 workshops, talks and other events, depending on the format. The smaller winter meeting gathers about 40." In past years the meetings have sold out within days of being announced.


● Southwest Love Fest: A Conference on Ethical Non-Monogamy
April 3–5, 2020
Tucson, Arizona

This convention is on the way up. The first Southwest Love Fest in 2018 sold out with over 225 attendees, and the second in 2019 had over 400. (The only polyamory/ ethical nonmonogamy convention with more was the one-time OpenSF in SanFrancisco in 2012 with 500.) I was at SW Love Fest in 2018 and found the vibe exuberant and excited, the attendees (80% from Arizona) great-hearted and significantly diverse, and the presenters I saw were mostly excellent. The Saturday-night social-activity events included a simultaneous treasure hunt, dance party with costuming available, and a cuddle puddle in a pop-up gazebo under the stars. In 2019 a CEU track enabled psychology professionals to earn continuing-education credits. There was child care both years. The 2019 event featured a record 50 workshops, discussions, meetups and a town hall.

Conference organizers Kate Kincaid and Sara Bachmann-Williams recruited many volunteers from the Tucson and Phoenix poly and kink communities, and the success of the event seems to have come largely from word of mouth. Heavy involvement by the local community seems to make the difference for the success of a polycon. They're looking to do a complete hotel takeover in 2020.

Kate says that she and Sara will help advise anyone who wants to start a hotel polycon in their own city; write to southwestlovefest AT gmail.com.


● SoPoCo: Solo Polyamory Conference
April 18–19, 2020
Manhattan, New York, NY

Solo poly symbol 

This roving conference, centering on SoPo's, is entering its fourth year. "Are you new to polyamory and exploring the many possible configurations, or been practicing honest non-monogamy for decades? Regardless of where you are on the experience spectrum, you’ll appreciate the support, community, camaraderie, hospitality, and awesome keynote speakers we’re assembling for your enjoyment, learning, and growth. Building on 2017's inaugural worldwide event in Vancouver BC and 2018's event in Seattle [and 2019's in San Francisco], in association with Facebook's largest and most vibrant solo polyamory discussion group, this is your opportunity to meet other solo non-monogamous people and share real life experiences!" In past years SoPoCo has sold out in advance.

● RelateCon - Boise
April 24–26, 2020
Boise, Idaho

"RelateCon provides a unique and supportive gathering place for polyamorous people to connect as a community through educational workshops, social spaces, and opportunities for networking. The core value of this conference is to empower healthy relationships across a myriad of configurations." The first RelateCon in 2017 drew about 120 people, impressive for a first event, and in 2018 it nearly sold out. Here were the 2019 presenters. Facebook page. Twitter. Wrote organizer Ginger Polynirvana in 2017, "We are able to offer a simultaneous Professional track at RelateCon, which will offer CEUs to a wide variety of disciplines such as lawyers, social workers, counselors, and teachers." Here's Kitty Chambliss's enthusiastic writeup of the 2017 event. Here's the local alternative weekly paper's writeup that year.

The organizers are also starting a RelateCon in Atlanta; See August 7–9.

● Polytopia
Early spring 2020 (dates to be announced)
Portland, Oregon

Sex-Positive Portland will host the city's sixth annual "polyamory and open relationship symposium and celebration." The 2018 event sold out with a capacity of 150. From the 2019 description: "This three-day weekend exploration of polyamory includes an opening night gala, workshops, panel discussions, a poly house party.... Come learn, play, and explore your edges. Learn from our experienced and inspiring presenters sharing knowledge, tips, and wisdom while we celebrate a passion for loving more. Bring your friends and extended poly family, meet new friends and lovers, find your people!

"Polytopia offers workshops for those who are relatively new to navigating the joys and pitfalls of loving more and workshops for those who are already well-experienced with polyamory who are looking for ways to better live the life they love. Workshops will be in a variety of formats ranging from lecture and discussion to experiential and embodied activities in dyads, triads and more. We will also offer lunchtime discussion panels and affinity groups to choose from each day to deepen our knowledge and connections with each other." Facebook page.


● Rocky Mountain Poly Living
April 24–26, 2020
Denver, CO

Rocky Mountain Poly Living is run by Loving More (based in Colorado), which has put on Poly Living East in Philadelphia every February for 13 years. As in Philly: Talks, workshops, socializing, sharing, dance party, warmth, and fun. Now offering a CEU track for professional therapists.  The Denver attendance in 2019 was 125. Here were the Denver 2019 talks/workshops and their presenters. (In 2016 I gave the keynote speech.) Loving More, "supporting polyamory and relationship choice since 1985," is the original poly organization of the modern era and played a central role in getting the whole movement going.

● New Culture Spring Camp

May 15–19, 2020
Abrams Creek Retreat Center, Mt. Storm, WV

This is a smaller, more intimate version of New Culture Summer Camp held every July at the Abrams Creek Retreat Center in the mountains of West Virginia (see July for description). These events draw about 70% polyfolks; the focus is on building practices of transparency, self-understanding, communication skills, and intimacy that can create radically better relationships of any type. The events aim to build an enduring network of people who don't necessarily fall out of touch as happens after most events. "The point is building tribe," says organizer Michael Rios. I've gone to the West Virginia New Culture Summer Camp for years, attended the smaller Winter Poly Wonderland retreat in January 2018, and I can't recommend New Culture events highly enough.

"At Spring Camp, we’ll dive into compassionate, loving exploration of our desires and boundaries – spiritual, sensual, emotional, and more. Starting with intensive training in consent and clear communication, we’ll be gently encouraged to step into our power as autonomous, playful, flexible beings." The 2019 schedule. Video. Another camper speaks.

● Chicago Non-Monogamy Conference
Spring 2020 (date to be announced)
Chicago, IL

This one-day event began in 2017 with help from the Relationship Equality Foundation and has continued each year since. "Our goal is to help bring the Chicago non-monogamy community together across all the lines that divide us — age, gender, race, class, location, ability, configuration, label, and all of the other categories which house us." Facebook page. The 2019 schedule, sessions and presenters. Contact: chinonmonocon (at) gmail.com



● Atlanta Poly Weekend
June 2020
Downtown Atlanta, GA

A super-friendly weekend hotel conference of talks and discussions on poly relationships and making them work, and whatever other topics people propose; comedy, dance, and games; community building and socializing. Here were the 2019 speakers and sessions. Family-friendly; ask about the kids' program. I've been to most APWs since the first in 2011 (see my writeup from 2012) and gave the closing keynote talk in 2013. Total attendance in 2018 was over 200 (not all present at any one time). On opening night at least half the crowd raised their hands when asked "Who's here for the first time?" If you plan to bring a kid, please register as early as possible for planning purposes.


● International OpenCon Catalonia
Spring 2020
Galliners, Catalonia, Spain

2020 will be OpenCon Catalonia's ninth year. Originally modeled on the UK OpenCon, it runs by a self-generated unconference program. "An opportunity to get together in a friendly environment and share our experiences, our questions, the lessons we’ve learned, and the joys we’ve experienced in this new territory of polyamory/non-monogamy/open relationships. The basic plan is to combine workshops with plenty of opportunities for relaxing and socialising. Check the what will happen page for details on the programme as it develops." The working language is English. Over 18 only. Capacity 40; sells out far in advance. Read about past years.


● OpenCon València
Late spring 2020
Alborache, València, Spain

"Un esdeveniment per a compartir experiències sobre les relacions afectives ètiques no normatives: Poliamor, Anarquia Relacional, Xarxes Afectives, etc. Un cap de setmana de debats, tallers i activitats lúdiques que ens brindaran l'oportunitat de conèixer gent amb idees i actituds obertes entorn a les relacions afectives. Un espai on compartir experiències i inquietuds sobre models de vincles entre les persones, des d'una perspectiva feminista, solidària i basada en el respecte. El contingut de l'OpenCon el proporcionen les persones assistents, per la qual cosa cada convocatòria és una sorpresa i una experiència única." Poliamor Valencia Facebook page.

● Black Poly Pride
June 4–7, 2020
Washington, DC

This will be the second year for this event and its first in DC. "Co-founders @calicoeyez215 and @therealchanee are already hard at work with the help of the leaders of the black polyamorous community on the ground in D.C. and Nation wide! ... The theme for #blackpolypride2020, 'Black Polyamory: A Revolutionary Act,' will honor our past and highlight the many ways black polyamory enriches the ways in which we love, live and shape our futures." Facebook page.

● Summer Polytreffen (Germany)
June 9–14, 2020
Germany

The German organization PolyAmores Netzwerk (PAN) e.V., at Polyamory.de, runs transregional "Poly Meetings" for German-speaking polyfolks in Germany, Switzerland and Austria. The organizers say the gatherings are "a platform for networking and for the exchange of experiences and practical knowhow. Also theoretical discussions and the planning of cultural and political activities. The programme is self organized by the participants." Minimum age 18. In past years the meetings have sold out within days of being announced.


● Colorado Poly Weekend Retreat
June 25–29, 2020
Steamboat Springs, CO

"The Colorado Poly Weekend is an annual long weekend retreat for polyamorous people and people in poly-relationships to hang out together in a poly-normative, accepting environment. The weekend goes from Friday afternoon to Monday afternoon and is held each summer in the beautiful Colorado Rocky Mountains in Steamboat Springs, Colorado. Relax, make new friends, and enjoy the beauty of the Rockies!"

Organizer Tom Satter has written that this event is quite different from the Loving More Campout in Colorado a couple weeks later, which is run by his Loving More friends. "The [Loving More] campout is for families and is a camping event. Our retreat is for adults only, because there does tend to be some drinking and a lot of innuendo and we tend to play games like Cards Against Humanity. Also, our retreat is lodge based — people pay one fee for the weekend and that covers all lodging and food from Friday afternoon to Monday at noon. I donate monthly to Loving More and really like Robin and Chuy when I get to see them."


● PolyDallas Symposium
July 9–10, 2020
Dallas, TX

This large hotel conference centers people of color and the black experience. "This does not exclude anyone else! We love bountifully," writes organizer Ruby Johnson. "Our symposium provides a sex-positive safe space for those seeking knowledge about ethical nonmonogamy, who have questions about ethical nonomogamy, or are experienced with ethical nonmongamy. We bring to the forefront people of color who are queer, trans, and nonbinary.  This is space for all lovestyles. We leave all that stops us from loving fully and freely at the front door." Continuing Education Units (CEUs) available for professionals.


● Polywood Camping 2020
Summer 2020; dates to be announced
near Eganville, Ontario

"A kid-friendly poly camping weekend, at Raven’s Knoll Campground. Join us for a weekend of community building as we learn from each other via informal discussions, socializing, and fun. Come meet fellow like-minded poly people around the large communal bonfire; take part in various relationship building and strengthening discussions; share your poly knowledge and experiences over wine and cheese." Swimming, showerhouse, food truck. Camper hookups available, dogs welcome.


● Rocky Mountain Polyamory Family Campout
July 9–13, 2020
near Aspen, Colorado

Robyn Trask and Jesus Garcia of Loving More have held this informal family-friendly campout nearly every year for more than 15 years. Of late about 30 people usually attend. Robyn writes, "Join us for a weekend of hiking, playing, and just hanging out with other poly families from the Rocky Mountain Region. This is the one thing each year where the kids get to join in. My kids love the campouts as much if not more than I do. It is wonderful to enjoy the beauty of the Colorado Mountains and spend time with wonderful poly people." Registration opens in March 2020.


● Network for a New Culture Summer Camp East
July 17–26, 2020
Abrams Creek Center, Mount Storm, WV

I've attended this interesting, powerful, ten-day event for nine years. Network for a New Culture explores building intimate sustainable community through practices of curiosity, transparency, self-exploration, and self-responsibility. The days are structured around ZEGG Forum, various self-improvement and human-potential presenters visiting to offer their stuff, and sharing life, work, and play in the West Virginia mountain woods.

“While not exclusively a poly event,” says co-founder Michael Rios, “Summer Camp East is about 70% polyfolk, and 100% poly-friendly.” Here are my impressions from my first year. Here's a bit more from my fourth (last two paragraphs).

About 60 to 80 people attend. Vegetarian group meals; cabins and campsites in the woods (no vehicle hookups); bathhouse with sinks and hot showers. Some indoor accommodations are available onsite. Conditions are rustic, but a camp-owned motel is 3 miles away. Kids welcome; inquire about kids' program. Here's a beautiful, and accurate, promo video (I'm in it). Another camper speaks.


● Polyamory Unconference
July 2020; date to be announced.
Columbus, Ohio

A one-day event. "Polyamory Unconference is an event that is run by you, the participants! Attendees get to propose, vote on, and run sessions themselves. You’ll set the agenda and create an environment of innovation and productive discussion! Request topics and workshops on issues that you want to hear about, or present something — a facilitated discussion, a workshop on a specific skill, or a lecture on a topic you are familiar with. Advantages of the unconference format include: a focus on topics that are relevant to the attendees, an opportunity for teamwork development, flexibility of schedule, and an emphasis on contributions from every participant. The relationships built during an unconference often continue well past the event."


● Minnesota PolyCon
Summer 2020 (date to be announced)
Minneapolis, MN

In 2018 this new one-day event drew 86 people to workshops and presentations on sex positivity & consent, anatomy of arousal, solo poly, polyamory & mental health, poly & parenting, poly & religion, deconstructing jealousy, being out & poly, and fundamentals of good communication for your polycule. It ran all day and into the night. It repeated in 2019, and now it's back for a third year. Sponsored and run by the MNPoly Meetup group.

● Endless Poly Summer
August 2020 (dates to be announced)
Abrams Creek Retreat Center and Campground, Mt. Storm, WV

This will be the seventh year for Endless Poly Summer, one of the seasonal poly retreats that Indigo Dawn, Dawson Driver, Michael Rios and friends produce at Abrams Creek based on Network for a New Culture principles and ideas. These aim to build, over five days, enduring intimate community. I've gone to many of their events and endorse them highly. New Culture's practices for community creation and interpersonal-skills development are remarkable and effective.

From the website: “Here is where you can meet other poly people at a deeper level, learn the skills needed to handle your relationships, and become a part of a supportive network of people who share your relationship values.... Spend up to 5 days in a rustic woods-and-water setting, hang out around a bonfire, enjoy a song circle, cuddle up at a snuggle party, learn to take your relationships to the next level, and build connections with others that last all year long! We invite top-notch presenters, and live, work, learn and play together.” Conditions are rustic, but indoor accommodations are available. A lovely, and accurate, promo video (I'm in it). Another camper speaks.

● RelateCon - Atlanta
August 7–9, 2020
Atlanta, GA

"RelateCon-Atlanta is a three-day family-friendly conference that focuses on ethical non-monogamy and alternative relationships, providing education, socializing, and networking opportunities. We are the sister conference to RelateCon-Boise, that's in its fourth year.

In our inaugural year, we will be hosting 5 different tracks for different interests and experiences:
**Ethical Non-monogamy and Polyamory
**BDSM Relationships
**People of Color and ENM
**LGBTQIA and ENM
**ENM and Family

We will also have a full-time gaming room that will run its own track, a catered Friday night social, and a formal Saturday Night Speak Easy!" The hotel is a Marriott near near the airport. Facebook page.


● Loving More Oregon Retreat
August 14–17, 2020
Vernonia, OR

After a four-year hiatus, the Loving More summer retreat is back — now in Oregon instead of upstate New York. "This weekend-long retreat is an open-forum, highly interactive and participant-driven weekend of community, connection and opportunities to learn. You, the attendee, will co-create the agenda and schedule with fellow attendees and facilitators. We feel the best way to learn is to share with each other, so we offer a safe space for creative discourse, ideas and spontaneous workshops and playshops. The natural venue and smaller group allow an opportunity for deep connections." The site is about 30 miles north of Portland in view of Mount St. Helens.

On the dock at Polycamp Northeast

● Polycamp Northeast
August 14–17, 2020
Eastern New Hampshire

This 3½-day event began with a smashing success in August 2016 and has been running ever since. I attended three of the first four, and what a collection of loving hearts this has been each time. About 65 extraordinary people self-organize a variety of talks and fun activities: nonviolent communication techniques, general poly discussion, genderqueer topics, yoga, nightly campfire, board games, crafts, a kayak race, cuddle party, dance. The venue is a well-equipped old New England summer camp (all cabins have private baths) in the New Hampshire lakes region north of Boston. Waterfront with paddleboards, kayaks, canoes, water trampoline. Three meals a day included.

● At Burning Man
August 31 - September 7, 2020
Nevada desert

Village of PolyParadise
PolyParadise has been running at Burning Man for two decades. This is a large theme camp cluster, typically 350 x 440 feet, usually with about 300 campers, more than a third of them new each year now. Workshops and events include Heart of Now, Poly High Tea, the famous Human Carcass Wash, the Hiney Hygiene Station, Mind Melt, Revolutionary Honesty, Mindful Hugging Meditation, and a poly mixer. Writes Benevolent Dictator Scotto, "PolyParadise 2019 was absolutely incredible and our best effort yet at creating this amazing On-Playa home. Each year there are many challenges and together we find a way to make things right, together we build an amazing space within the gates of BRC, a place to really call home in the desert." Details.

● PolyCamp UK
Late summer 2020 (dates to be announced)
West Midlands, UK

This new event was cancelled in 2019 after two key organizers were seriously injured, but it may make a new start in 2020. Stay tuned. Facebook page.


● OpenCon Italia
September 2020 (date to be announced)
Perugia, Italy

Now that the nonprofit running this event, Associazione per la promozione delle relazioni etiche non-monogame (RETI), has finally expelled its problem co-founder and banned him from all events after interviews with seven women and a series of other things, I feel okay listing the annual OpenCon Italia here. See RETI's statement, in Italian and English. They've also set up a formal code of conduct.

About OpenCon Italia: "OpenCon Italia è un evento della durata di un week-end, aperto a chiunque ritenga che le relazioni felici ed etiche non debbano essere necessariamente monogame. Nel corso dell’OpenCon potrete partecipare a workshop, gruppi di discussione e attività sociali che vi consentiranno di incontrarvi e confrontarvi con persone che la pensano come voi, di far crescere la nostra comunità e di celebrare le sue diversità."


● OpenCon Madrid
September 11–13, 2020
Madrid, Spain

"OpenCon Madrid es un evento abierto a todas aquellas personas que quieran descubrir que las relaciones felices y sinceras no han de ser necesariamente monógamas. ¿En qué consiste? Consiste en una combinación de debates, talleres y actividades lúdicas que te brindarán la oportunidad de conocer gente con tus mismas ideas y actitudes, compartir experiencias e inquietudes, ayudar a fortalecer nuestra comunidad y disfrutar de su diversidad. El contenido de la Opencon lo proporcionan las personas asistentes, por lo que cada convocatoria será diferente. Este año es la quinta vez que se celebra en Madrid." Each year the conference sells out fast when registration opens.


● Fall Polytreffen (Germany)
September 23–27, 2020
Germany

The German organization PolyAmores Netzwerk (PAN) e.V., at Polyamory.de, runs transregional "Poly Meetings" for German-speaking polyfolks in Germany, Switzerland and Austria. The organizers say the gatherings are "a platform for networking and for the exchange of experiences and practical knowhow. Also theoretical discussions and the planning of cultural and political activities. The programme is self organized by the participants." Minimum age 18. In past years the meetings have sold out within days of being announced.


● New Culture Fall Camp
October 2020 (dates to be set)
Abrams Creek Retreat Center, Mt. Storm, WV

This is a smaller, more intimate version of New Culture Summer Camp held every July at the Abrams Creek Retreat Center in the mountains of West Virginia (see July here for description). These events draw about 70% polyfolks; the focus is on building practices of transparency, self-understanding, communication skills, and intimacy to create radically better relationships of any type. The aim to build, over several days, an enduring network of like-minded people who don't necessarily fall out of touch as happens after most events. "The point is building tribe," says organizer Michael Rios.

I've gone to the larger New Culture Summer Camp for the last eight years and can't recommend New Culture events highly enough. From the website: “Here is where you can meet other poly people at a deeper level, learn the skills needed to handle your relationships, and become a part of a supportive network of people who share your relationship values.... Spend up to 5 days in a rustic woods-and-water setting, hang out around a bonfire, enjoy a song circle, cuddle up at a snuggle party, learn to take your relationships to the next level, and build connections with others that last all year long!”

Explains Michael, "We are exploring the questions: What does it mean to be there for each other? What would it take to be solidly present in each others’ lives, responding flexibly and with love to the needs that emerge? What might we do right now to be there for each other? What role does commitment play? The deep truth is that each person is fundamentally alone. Yet at the same time, there is beauty and skillfulness in interdependence.... And beyond merely meeting needs, we can find delight in co-creation, and in the many ways we can support each other in greater joy. At this community journey, we will open these explorations in a field of love, curiosity, and compassion." Video. A camper's video.


● Outside The Box: Pittsburgh Polyamory Conference
Fall 2020 (date to be announced).
Pittsburgh, PA

Laszlo Productions, a Pittsburgh-based GLBTQIA events producer, put on this new one-day conference in 2019. organizer Lyndsey Sickler posts "We had a great time! Looking forward to planning the 2020 conference!" From the 2019 announcement: "We are excited to be putting together Pittsburgh's First Poly Conference. Outside the Box will take place at Persad Center.... The conference is FREE (donations gladly accepted)." The Persad Center is an LGBTQ human services, activist, and community center. The program ran from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Here were the 2019 sessions.

● Polyday 2020 (UK)
Fall 2020 (date to be announced)
London again?

In the last few years Polyday has been drawing 200-plus people. The 2018 Polyday got a nice writeup in Vice UK. From the website: "Come and meet hundreds of people that identify as non-monogamous at the largest event in Europe on polyamory, Relationship Anarchy and other forms of non-monogamy. New to polyamory or just curious? Experienced in all forms of non-monogamy? Something in between? Polyday has something for you! In previous years talks have covered designing relationships, sexual health, polyamory and mental health, polyamory and children, and BAME and non-monogamy. There will be opportunities to socialise, meet up after the event, and quiet space if you need a break." Facebook page. In past years PolyDay has sold out in advance.


● Beyond The Love
November 13–15, 2020
Columbus, Ohio

Last year this weekend conference, under new management, moved from its hotel to a somewhat smaller venue, the poly/kink/LGBT-friendly Columbus Space for Alternative Expression. It will continue there in 2020. No on-site accommodations, but hotels and restaurants are within about 0.4 mile. Many local volunteers help to put on a rich social-event schedule in addition to the class sessions during the day. Here were the 2019 presenters, classes and schedule. The new diversity and inclusiveness policy. Here's Kitty Chambliss's writeup of her experiences at the 2018 BTL.


2021

Watch this space....

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To add an event (of wide geographic interest, please) email it to me at alan7388 {at} gmail.com.

Kimchi Cuddles is based the cartoonist's real life. See her followup strip. And yes, she, "Rajeev" and "Terra" all made it to the Beyond the Love polycon in Ohio.

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How to find your LOCAL POLY COMMUNITIES
and their get-togethers!

For socials, potlucks, discussions, support, etc. near you, find and join your local poly group(s). You can:

● Try googling polyamory with your state and/or city. 

● Check Meetup.com with keyword polyamory and enter your zip code or city.

● Search Facebook Groups for polyamory with your state and/or city, and for poly with your state and/or city.

● If you're on Fetlife (NSFW landing page and content; TW: BDSM), you can search its groups for polyamory with your state and/or city, and for poly with your state and/or city.

● Check these lists:

   – Directory of Local Poly Groups maintained on Facebook. It's editable! If yours isn't here yet, add it.

   – Tristan Taormino's big list (needs updating), on the website of her book Opening Up. (Send additions, corrections, and changes to raymond (at) puckerup.com )

   – Canadian Polyamory Groups, courtesy of the Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association.

   – Local Poly Group Registry, currently kept alive by Michael Rios at polyinfo.org. This once-grand list seriously needs updating. Send additions, corrections, and changes to groups (at) polyinfo.org. If you'd like to take over the updating project, please write to that address.

---------------------------------------------------------

Can't find a local group near you? Maybe that's the universe saying you should start it!

– Here's organizer Kitty Chambliss's Polyamory Guide to Community Building. "So perhaps you’d like to start a community from scratch in your local area. I’m going to give you a roadmap for success to do just that!"

– And here are Joreth's many thoughts on the kinds of poly community events that might work in your area. She's been an organizer for a long time and has pretty much done it all.

– Simple, exact details of how to run a good, no-frills poly meetup: How I run poly picnic discussions, by Andrea Green.

– Prefer audio? From the Polyamory Weekly podcast: Episode #365, Building your poly community with meetups; and Episode #464, Building Your Poly Community as it grows.

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"Polyamory Can Be Liberating For People Of Colour, Until Racism Gets In The Way"

The story below deserves a post of its own. It appeared on HuffPost Canada a couple days ago. To judge from it, Canada may have made less progress than the organized poly movement in the US — at least the people who organize, present at, and attend the big poly conventions. More on that in a bit.

But first, excerpts:

"When polyamorous people of colour date, they often are mindful of how their identities are treated in community spaces. (Getty)"

 

Polyamory Can Be Liberating For People Of Colour, Until Racism Gets In The Way

By Al Donato

How can you feel love for more than one person? Before Gabby Cenona opened herself up to polyamory, this question was insurmountable. As the daughter of Filipino immigrants, her upbringing enforced the idea that people are only supposed to romance one person at a time. ...

[As] polyamory, often shortened to “poly” or more recently “polyam,” ...becomes more visible in Canada, so too are misconceptions rising to the surface. Among the most common: “Polyamory is for white people.”

Just gonna say this, if you wanna be polyamorous then chances are you're gonna date a lot of white people

— M. Shawnukkah (@shawwillsuffice) September 24, 2017

In reality, Canadians of colour like Cenona are just as willing to form polyamorous relationships. Although white people tend to be the face of polyamory, a paper published in the German Journal of Psychology reports that people of colour are just as likely to engage in consensual non-monogamy.

People of colour (POC) who are ethically non-monogamous... explained to HuffPost Canada that while their love lives are active, they aren’t nearly as visible in media or represented in community spaces as their white counterparts. By virtue of who they are, their relationships are nuanced by racial inequality and cultural considerations; two factors that rarely get explored in mainstream conversations about polyamory.

Getting fetishized, ignored can lead to alienation

...Jenny Yuen, a Toronto Sun editor and the author of Polyamorous: Living and Loving More, found that many of the polyamorous people of colour she talked to felt fetishized by polyamorous meetups and discussion groups; when concerns would be brought up, they’d be brushed aside.

“They feel like, for example if they’re Black, they’ll be asked to ‘taste the chocolate,’” Yuen said. When statements like those are called out, Yuen said, it can lead to a defensive retort like, “Why won’t you take that as a compliment?”

Racial fetishes aren’t just a problem in consensual non-monogamy, as they pose issues for many people of colour. But for a community that relies on finding like-minded individuals for a specific relationship style, the fear of fetishizing can become a huge deterrent to forming bonds. Psychology Today [actually Eli Sheff's Psychology Today blog] listed the fear of becoming someone’s fetish as a major reason why polyamorous community spaces like meetup groups are often white-dominated.

...Aside from worries about getting fetishized... stigma and not having the time or money make people of colour hesitant to go to polyamorous events in-person.

Kevin A. Patterson, author of the book Love’s Not Colorblind, notes that when Black people are present in white spaces, white attendees mistakenly believe that that it’s OK to objectify them. He recalls how at one event, a man told him about his wife and bragged about her “queen of spades tattoo;” the ink’s symbolism implied that she was into Black men, as “spade” can be used as a racial slur.

“We’re going to talk about this bullshit racist tattoo that you think is going to endear me to you, your wife, your situation,” Patterson told the man.

Patterson says that he and other polyamorous people of colour deal with this degree of insensitivity on such a regular basis that “for every one of these [incidents], there’s like five that I forgot.”

Millie Boella

...Millie Boella, a Black Canadian who was interviewed by Yuen, felt uneasy when she realized that only 11 out of 1,000 people in a Toronto polyamorous group she was added to were visibly people of colour, based on their Facebook avatars.

Patterson said that when he and his wife went to their first meetup for ethical non-monogamous locals, only five other people of colour attended. Four never returned.

“When you’re a person of colour, you have to decide how much white nonsense you’re willing to tolerate, how many microaggressions you’re willing to tolerate,” Patterson told HuffPost Canada.

People of colour have long histories with polyamory

For many cultures, polyamory isn’t anything new. The long history of consensual non-monogamy in many cultures predates today’s version of monogamy.... Relationship styles like “walking marriages,” open arrangements, and polyamory in Indigenous communities have been documented all around the world.

Despite this, many still see polyamory as a recent concept popularized by white North Americans. “Anything that is progressive is deemed as ‘white people discovered it first,’” Boella said. The Vancouver resident, whose family comes from Kenya, says that there are non-monogamous relationships in her country.... “My tribe has a lot of progressive love practices that I haven’t seen Western culture do … we always judge people of colour as conservative when there’s so much nuance to that.”

...Aside from the unequal treatment they navigate in non-monogamous circles, polyamorous people of colour note that they may also face hardship when talking about love in their own communities.

...For many communities of colour the theoretical, academic framework of polyamory (which comes with an extensive vocabulary) is inaccessible. Kristura also believes that because they are marginalized, communities of colour may form strict attitudes toward behaviour that don’t fit Western norms as a survival tactic.

“The more marginalized a community is, the more it’s going to feel the need to police itself,” they say. “Whiteness is equated with privilege; privilege is freedom. When you get right down to it, white people can do anything and be looked at as individuals. They’re not going to be looked at as a reflection of their race. We are.”

...Boella told HuffPost Canada that she founded the Facebook group Toronto Non-Monogamous BIPOC after deciding the original group she was in needed a separate space for people of colour. The group has become popular in the city, spawning meetups that became workshops on requested topics.

And in the US chapters of Black & Poly have sprung up in 10 cities, there's one in London, and there are now two polycons centering the black experience:  Black Poly Pride in Washington DC in June, and Poly Dallas Symposium in July.

Other ways of improving polyamorous social circles include challenging the existing spaces to do better for their racialized attendees. Patterson said he is vocal when spaces make him uncomfortable as a Black person. This has led to sometimes being shunned for calling out organizers, but has also resulted in direct change...

Boella encourages polyamorous white people to be allies to their partners of colour. That can mean listening when a partner of colour calls them out, or holding workshops that teach fellow white community members to stop unethical dating practices like fetishizing or, on the flip side, avoiding relationships with certain ethnicities. She says she hasn’t seen workshops geared toward being supportive to partners of colour.

“I haven’t seen that; I feel like this is a massive blind spot,” she says. ...

Read the whole article (Nov. 22, 2019).

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Kevin Patterson (who's brilliant on many topics, not just the above) will be the keynote speaker at the Poly Living convention in Philadelphia the weekend of February 7–9, and I see that almost a third of the Poly Living presenters in the program are people of color.

That didn't just happen. For several years Patterson and at least a dozen others have been actively working in the poly awareness and education movement for wider representation around race, ethnicity, economic class, and gender diversity, and this has benefited us all. For one thing, it has upped conference attendance numbers. This comes after many years of us well-meaning white folks wondering why so few others than us were showing up. It took a dedicated vanguard — but it also took event organizers ready to partner with that vanguard (thank you Robyn Trask) and to listen to how to create safe and welcoming spaces.

It's de rigeur now for cons to provide at least some scholarships, work trade, and room shares for polyfolks who are not in the middle class and up, and to help pay presenters' travel and hotel expenses where needed. (Most polycons are still not big enough to cover their presenters' expenses as a matter of course; most struggle to break even). There is also greater attention to building in safety for women and gender minorities and accommodating disabilities.

A notable blowup happened when organizers of one polycon, Beyond The Love in Columbus, Ohio, came under criticism for disrespect and then not making things right. BTL, under new management, apparently got the message that the community's concerns needed to be addressed, especially when members of the community are offering to help out, not just criticize. BTL 2019 was three weeks ago. I wasn't there, so I can't report how things went, but I've heard nothing ill. The scholarship money that was collected at a fundraiser last year was located and used, I'm told, and the producers established a diversity and inclusiveness statement for attendees to which they too expect to be held. Any news from people who went?

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Also, just up this evening: On Zora, "A Medium publication for women of color," Are Polyamorous Relationships the New Sexual Revolution? (Nov. 25)

By Feminista Jones

...Part of why I began my own work as a sex-positive feminist was because of the lack of Black women’s inclusion in conversations about sexual agency and liberation. I fully understand that sexual conservatism in Black communities is real and is often rooted in religious beliefs and the result of historical sexual trauma. I also know that people of color do have robust and diverse sexual experiences and the nuances of our sexual activity and participation in alternative sexual lifestyles like polyamory must be included in larger discussions about sex and sexuality.

...Websites that center Black people, in particular, are growing in number as more people feel safer sharing their polyamorous preferences. In 2018, BET published an article about being Black and polyamorous in which Crystal Farmer, editor of the online magazine Black & Poly, also pointed out that the larger poly community is still pretty White and she, like so many others, feels more comfortable around other Black people in poly-focused social settings. And because it can be difficult to find romantic partners when society still ostracizes polyamorous people, Black & Poly also operates a dating site for people looking to find poly love online and it welcomes all types of poly configurations, genders, and sexual orientations.

...Black Poly Nation (BPN) was founded by a Black polyamorous couple, Devon White and Danielle Stokes-White, in December 2018. In less than a year, BPN already has an Instagram following of over 13,000 people, over 11,000 subscribers on YouTube, and a Facebook community group with nearly 14,000 members. According to their website, BPN is “dedicated to uplifting all forms of Poly and other forms of ethical nonmonogamous relationships” and its mission is “to create a social engagement centered community, that allows people to learn, network, and even search for love.” I reached out to them to learn more about BPN and what makes them a go-to source for all things Black and polyamorous....

White said the decision to create the BPN community was in response to “a growing call for a change in how Black polyamorous people engage each other.” He noted that “everyday people” weren’t represented in a lot of groups and that their organization “has laid the groundwork for a new, more modern and realistic representation of Black polyamorous people, one where the focus is on building a community as a whole.” BPN shares educational tidbits about polyamory, encourages community engagement, promotes mental health awareness, and according to Stokes-White, BPN has hosted more local meetups across the country than any other organization this year. ...

...There are also conferences that center the lived experiences of Black polyamorous people, and Black Poly Pride is the newest one to enter the scene. Launched in 2019 by Chanee Jackson Kendall and Cheri Calico Roman, co-founders of The Poly Cultural Diversity Alliance, the conference was created because of the lack of Black presenters and educators at other poly conferences. “Instead of waiting to be invited to speak, we built our own table and platform.” ...

As an educator, she was tired of being asked to speak specifically about “diversity” and being Black and poly; she wanted to create a conference where Black presenters were allowed to cover all aspects of polyamory, not just race issues. ...

We are witnessing a shift in consciousness when it comes to the ways in which Black people love. Polyamory and ethical nonmonogamy are increasingly popular because of the people who are unapologetic and unafraid to be open and truthful about their experiences and their love lives. ...

The whole article (Nov. 25).

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