Archie & Veronica & Betty & Jughead became a quad, reveals 86-year-old Betty on "Riverdale." And other polyamory in the news.
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The core four: Archie (reading a feeling-filled poem), Veronica, Betty, and Jughead in Riverdale. Not just best friends forever, but a poly quad for their high school senior year, 1956-57. |
● Yes, Riverdale went there. Finally. In its very last
episode. The reverberations across the media continue.
When the Riverdale series launched in 2017, many
fans of the Archie comics — those icons of American teenhood since 1947 —
dismissed it as an exploitive gimmick. But in the course of its 137
episodes, the series won many of them over and made masses of new fans.
For decades, many of us poly-minded people chafed at the permanent,
endless romantic-triangle tension between Archie, Veronica, and Betty, and sometimes Reggie or nonchalant Jughead. Sheesh,
why can't they just go poly? Love triangling aside, they all seemed to be such good friends together.
Incongruously so, it seemed to me even as a kid. No other love triangles in
pop culture (or serious literature that I'd heard of) were so
all-around friendly as a group. The Riverdale TV series
teased the idea of polyamory among the characters as early as the pilot episode, and some fans
kept urging it, but the series never got serious about it.
Until now. The emotional finale of Riverdale's seventh and last
season, all heartstrings and weird timeloops, aired Wednesday August
23, and within hours its big reveal was making waves all across pop-culture media — from
Cosmopolitan and Teen Vogue to
USA Today and the website of NBC's Today Show.
"Riverdale was a show that celebrated its chaos and knew exactly what its fans wanted," wrote Rachel Leishman in The Mary Sue (Aug. 24). The poly quad? "Frankly? That’s what we always wanted! Everyone just kissing, and they even showed fans Veronica and Betty in love with each other. It was brief but at least the show finally acknowledged what fans had wanted from the start of it all."
In Variety:
‘Riverdale’ Flashes Forward 67 Years in Series Finale, Reveals Bonkers
Secret Relationship (Aug. 23)
By Emily Longeretta...In the show’s final episode, the teen drama jumps ahead 67 years. ... Since Betty’s memory is failing [at age 86], she’s excited by the chance to recall what happened to each of her high school friends, although she knows it may be a painful journey since it means saying goodbye all over again.Throughout the day, Jughead informs her what happened to everyone after graduation — and a bit about what was happening behind closed doors. Betty is reminded that she, Jughead, Archie and Veronica were in a quad relationship with each other for a year [as high school seniors], with all four of them agreeably intermingling and swapping who they were romantic with each night.
People magazine: 'Riverdale' Series Finale Brings Emotional Goodbyes, Surprise Cameos
and an Unexpected Romance (Aug. 23):
By Kelly Martinez...Then came perhaps the most shocking reveal of the episode. Remember the famous love triangle between Archie, Betty, and Veronica, and how the show made that even more complicated by adding Betty and Jughead and, most recently, Veronica and Jughead? Well, the core four turned into the core foursome. Yes, Riverdale actually went there."Turns out, after Angel Tabitha's last visit, I remembered what it was like being with Jughead — and being with Archie," Betty confided to Reggie. "And Archie and Veronica remembered what it was like being with each other. But Veronica and Jughead had just started a thing. And remembering all of that sort of, just, took the pressure off us having to make a single choice.""So the four of us realized that we could, and maybe should, just be — together. At the same time," she continued as Reggie bugged his eyes out. "Some nights Archie would sneak into my bedroom and Veronica would go home with Jughead. Other nights, Archie would spend the night at the Pembrooke and I'd go over to Jughead's. And sometimes, more often than you'd imagine, I would find my way to Veronica's."
Smiling fondly at the memories, Betty continues, "It started innocently
enough, with the four of us going on double dates... and then it kind of
naturally evolved from there." A later scene highlights the emotional
depth of the group's togetherness.
In ScreenRant: Riverdale Series Finale Ending Explained: What Happened To Archie
& His Friends (Aug. 23)
By Kate BoveMany storylines in the Archie Comics hinge on the question of who all-American teen Archie Andrews will choose: Betty or Veronica. ... Much like comic book readers, viewers are split into different camps, which makes the stakes surrounding Riverdale's endgame pairings all the higher. The problem, of course, is that there's no way to appease every [fan]. However, Riverdale pulls off a fairly brilliant twist for the core four, all while ensuring that other fan-favorite pairings stick....Riverdale resolves the classic Archie Comics' dilemma by revealing that the four leads are in a polyamorous "quad."... It's a wonderful, fun twist that, honestly, should've come sooner.
The quad lasted for over a year, the ghostly, elderly-not-elderly Jughead
reminisces to Betty, before the whole high-school crowd drifted apart
forever.
See more coverage of the finale all over the place. For me, who hadn't been watching
the series, the most moving (and explanatory) piece I've come across is this
one on Vulture, the culture branch of
New York magazine: Riverdale’s Series Finale Explained to the Best of Human Ability, by Rebecca Alter (Aug. 24).
You can watch the episode here, for free, on The CW network.
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Commemorative stamp issued by the US Postal Service in 2010 |
Added later: Some media are now quoting Brett Chamberlin, director of
OPEN (Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy), sounding a
critical note:
"It's frustrating that Riverdale used its characters' non-monogamous relationship as a 'shocking twist' rather than engaging with an authentic portrayal of non-monogamy as simply being part of people's identities."Chamberlin continues, "We didn't see or hear anything about why these characters practice non-monogamy, what it means for them, the substance of their relationship agreements and communication practices, or any of the other underlying motivations and work that makes relationships of any type function."
Maybe a bit harsh considering the finale's overwhelming syrupy sweetness
("Gonna give us the weepies?" cracks Reggie as the show writers go self-referential). But those points are worth making; if the relationship was there, previous episodes should have at least touched on them.
And in the real world, a piece of graphic evidence. A late
friend of ours, who lived in a decades-old poly household, was a serious
collector of old comics and pop art. He owned quite a few artists' original
pen and ink drawings for classic newspaper comic strips. He showed us what
he said was a very valuable piece: an original drawing by the definitive Archie artist, Dan DeCarlo, of Betty and Veronica happily
cavorting naked with each other in the shower. It's not really porny, but one
of them is full frontal and they are being ridiculously playful together.
[NOTE: In an earlier version I incorrectly said the artist was Bob Montana, who did the Archie newspaper strip.]
DeCarlo (1919-2001) drew it as a gift to a friend, we were told. It now resides in a
bank vault awaiting sale by the owner's heirs. Whatever it was worth before,
its value has surely jumped in the last week.
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| Dan DeCarlo self-portrait |
Maybe it's a sign that DeCarlo wanted to take the characters' relationships further. He did draw them remarkably friendly for love triangles... but these were kids' comics. He drew them as such for 40 years.
No, I did not take a photo of it.
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Turning to other poly in the media,
● Crappy-poly callout. Good on GQ Magazine UK for saying this: People are using polyamory as a cover for shady behaviour. Welcome to
the age of polyscammery (July 31)
By Brit Dawson...But soon it all started to fall apart. “There weren’t any clear rules or boundaries with either of them, which, in retrospect, was a pitfall,” she reflects. ...He’d behave in thoughtless or even nasty ways, like being hot and cold, demanding everything be on his terms, or being dismissive of her feelings. Although these are hallmarks of a typically unhealthy relationship, Anna says “his rationale for justifying his behaviour was almost always rooted in the more theoretical aspects of polyamory”, which made her doubt the way she was feeling. Eventually, Michael’s behaviour became the subject of an intervention by his friends, who revealed that many women in the poly community had said they’d had bad experiences with him, too.“Because polyamory is so new for many people, there’s a risk of not being sure if the behaviours you’re seeing are genuinely not okay,” says Anna, “or just seem not okay because you don’t ‘get’ polyamory yet.”Anna isn’t alone... some people are getting it all wrong, intentionally or not. This might manifest as someone using the guise of consensual non-monogamy to be deceitful, enforce double standards, or just get away with bad dating behaviour.“There are a lot of people who’ll take advantage [of what consensual non-monogamy can offer, but some] are making assumptions that they can do polyamory without doing the research,” says psychotherapist Lesley Charles.... “You’ve got to be really anchored in knowing why you’re doing this, otherwise it’s just self-harm.”...“There’s a real distinction to draw between people who respectfully engage with their partners in polyamory, and sexual anarchy,” says 26-year-old Cass from London, who’s been polyamorous for four years. “Polyamory is more of a spiritual thing...."...“Now people have access to the terminology, they can dress up their unfaithfulness in this impenetrable language," [Cass] says. “It’s easy to disguise shitty behaviour as the other person not understanding the dynamic of it all.”...Still, Anna says it hasn’t shaken her faith in the radical positives of polyamory. “The possibilities are so exciting: more freedom, intimacy, and communication, in ways that we couldn’t imagine in monogamy,” she says. “But perhaps we have a tendency to try to have all of that too quickly without considering the time and effort it may take to thrive in what poly really is. If you rush that, you might get burned.”
Read the whole article, and pass it around.
● Case in point: I Dated A Polyamorous Guy & All I Got Was This Lousy Sense Of
Exploitation (Refinery29, July 12)
“I’m in a relationship,” he said. “An open relationship and we’re polyamorous.”
I must have dimmed.“But I might not be in a few weeks, who knows,” he said, “it’s always changing.”I’d been reading a lot about polyamory and agreed with most of its core ideas. ...
● The Age of AI Chaos crashes in. Google Alerts found me a
nice, respectable Poly 101 article posted by Nao Medical, a chain of
urgent care clinics in New York City. The article was bland but
thoughtful, with fewer misconceptions than some. I was going to mention it
here.
Then TIME magazine published this:
So I googled NaoMedical polyamory and up popped two
dozen original poly articles at naomedical.com, some of them deceptively
competent, each with a different engaging title.
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Poly flag heart: a symptom of what? |
But some titles were garblemash, such as Polyamorous Flag Heart: Understanding the Link Between Non-Monogamy and
Cardiovascular Health.
From one little company, click-garbage by the freighter load. No wonder
Google search results are getting worse. I'll never see bland articles on
a trending topic the same way again. Neither should you.
● Back to the real world (I hope). Another big glossary of polyworld terms appeared, again large but incomplete: A Field Guide to the Many Forms of Ethical Non-Monogamy (InsideHook, Aug. 7)
...Most popular depictions of ENM have been — and remain — narrow and problematic. ... Recent coverage of ENM... still tends to focus on “triads with two bisexual women and one man” who’re all in relationships with each other but not with anyone else, notes Leanne Yau, the founder of Poly Philia, an ENM education and content hub. “In reality, that’s a very small percentage of the polyamorous community.”...Says Morgan K, “If someone tells me they’re non-monogamous, that prompts me to ask several dozen more questions before I can understand what that even means for them.”...We reached out to about a dozen well-known and highly experienced ENM practitioners and educators, and pored over a dozen ENM guides and resource hubs to ensure [these definitions are] as accurate and nuanced as possible while still being accessible to complete ENM outsiders. ...
The terms described, sometimes carefully and at length, are Hierarchical Polyamory, Non-hierarchical Polyamory, Solo Polyamory, Polyfidelity, Polygamy, Open Relationships, Monogamish, Casual Dating, Friends with Benefits, Relationship Anarchy, Ambiamorous, Polycule, Comet,
Polysaturation, Metamours and Telemours; Parallel, Garden Party and Kitchen Table Polyamory/Non-monogamy; Anchor Partner, Nesting Partner; Unicorns
and Unicorn Hunters, Monocorn ("a term for a monogamous person who’s
open to dating a non-monogamous person"), Cowboy/Cowgirl/Cowpoke, and Troller ("people who join ENM circles, or present themselves as thoughtful
non-monogamy practitioners, but are just looking for strings-free sex.") Yet it only partially overlaps
that glossary mentioned in my last post.
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How to get started with non-monogamy (Mashable, Aug. 15) Good advice collected from Dedeker Winston, Effy
Blue, and therapist Nicoletta Heidegger (of the
Sluts & Scholars podcast).
By Anna Iovine..."The reality is, it's a lot more talking than sex at the end of the day," said Dedeker Winston, co-host of the Multiamory podcast and co-author of Multiamory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationships. "Talking supports good sex and sometimes lots of good sex but…the barrier to entry can be high, especially in particular, if you're opening up from a monogamous relationship."The first step is a lot of self inquiry and research," said Winston...."Obviously, insecurities and feelings come up in monogamy," said Heidegger. "But in non-monogamy, you can't really hide from them as much as you can in traditional monogamy."...
● In the lesbian GO Magazine ("the cultural roadmap for
city girls everywhere"): Poly Sapphic Nomads Find Their Home On The Island Of Lesbos (Aug. 24). It's a breezy travel piece about an FFMtF triad on a
sailboat sailing the world's breezes into an Aegean port positively made for
them.
By Clare HandQueer women have been making their way to Eressos, a village on the Greek island of Lesvos, for over half a century. As the birthplace of Sappho, the village has become a place of pilgrimage for Sapphics; some holiday for a few weeks, others settle for a few decades. All are infatuated by the sense of safety, community and the breathtaking combination of sand, sea and spotless blue skies.The arrival of the Rainbow’s Tribe, a polyamorous throuple – though they prefer ‘family’ to ‘throuple’ – Elizabeth, Cristina and Davi, sent tremors of excitement through Sappho’s hometown. They’d been living on a sailboat for five years and planned to make their way around the world. From the moment they docked, they’ve become an unmissable presence here – not because they waltz down the promenade hand-in-hand-in-hand – but because they bring a necessary dose of vibrancy and queerness to the community. They’re writers, academics and translators, each adorned in tattoos, with hair dyed every shade of turquoise and blue found in the Aegean Sea. It’s unclear who’s happier to have found the other– Eressos or the Rainbow’s Tribe.
...As they sailed to the island, they listened to a podcast, I’ll Never be Alone Anymore: The Story of the Skala Eressos Lesbian Community. “All of us had tears in our eyes,” says Davi, a 46-year-old transwoman born in Libya, “like what the fuck is this place? Of course we knew Sappho in the broadest terms, but we had no idea that there was a living community here.”They landed in September last year, when the International Women’s Festival was at its zenith and there were queer women as far as the eye could see. ...In less than a year, the Rainbow’s Tribe have fully rooted their lives into Eressian soil. ...The lovebirds have palpable chemistry. As we sit in a café on the seashore, they seamlessly bounce jokes and ideas off each other like they’re playing bat and ball in the sand. Their love story began with Davi and Elizabeth almost two decades ago at a writing competition in Colorado. ...
● Slate magazine's "How To Do It" sex advice column takes
a question from a swing-ish couple with rules:
My Husband and I Usually Date Women Together. Now He Has a New Plan (Aug. 6)
"I’m not sure we’re on the same page about this." ...
Dear How to Do It,My husband and I have been married for 11 years. For most of that time, we’d frequently invite other women into our marriage and bed. ... It’s been a little over three years since our last playdate, coinciding with the pregnancy and birth of our youngest child.Recently, my husband introduced me to a friend of his and suggested she be our new “date.” Our sex life is healthy and fun, but I’m not quite in the mood for extra entertainment right now. I’m tired from chasing a toddler and working full time. Thus, we’re juggling the idea of him pursuing this relationship on his own, and I’m open to the idea. She is as well.How do we do this? In the past, it’s been more like a “throuple” situation. We all communicated, were all on the same page, and were all very comfortable. But this is just a him-and-I vs. him-and-her situation. How do I navigate this? ...—Sitting This One Out ....
...From genuinely believing in the concept of true love to having my heart broken, trampled upon and crushed for pieces, I was forced to revisit a few concepts that have been ingrained in our minds since time immemorial — like monogamy. ... Perhaps it was this weight of being the provider for so many things [to a partner] that has ultimately led to the visible crumbling of the concept in this 21st century....A part of me wonders whether it has been this urge to break free from these set rules and guidelines that instigate the hidden rebel within people our age to cheat. But then the other part of me reminds me, the opposite of monogamy doesn’t have to be cheating, it has to be polyamory. And last I checked polyamory includes telling all your partners about the fact that you’re not exclusive to them. ...
● More from Kenya: In The Star, a daily
newspaper in Nairobi, Love unbound: The soaring popularity of polyamory relationships (Aug. 10)
The topic of Polyamory relationships has become a topic of discussion for those in marriage and the dating scene....When I meet Christabel Owino* at her shop in Nairobi CBD, she is busy engaging her customers and as soon as she is done, Owino grabs two chairs and she ushers me into her shop.Ready to share her story about polyamory relationships, Owino terms it as something interesting. ......Oscar Maina* who has been in a polyamorous relationship for a decade says it's the best decision he made in life."As we grow, we develop different feelings and discover we like different things in women, and once you are open about what you want, and very honest with the parties involved, your relationships will thrive," he says. ......To be in such relationships, one does not consider it as infidelity as all parties involved are aware of each other — the relationship is disclosed to everyone involved....
● An interesting first-person piece by a women who tried it and
decided no. Love in Plural: the Pros and Cons of Polyamory (The Good Men Project, Aug. 11)
Viewing relationships through a poly lens can grant deeper insight on the roots of insecurity, entitlement, and jealousy.By Eleni...Positives:1. Helps you rethink the role of jealousy. ...2. Strong communication. ...3. Practice in mindfulness. ...4. Less pressure. ......The less ideal aspects:1. The question of time. ...2. Monogamy seems more efficient. Full cut-off of other options relieves cognitive burden. ... This frees time and brain space. [And] restrictions can help many people feel more grounded. ...
● Another new book out:
Cultivating Connection: a practical guide for personal and
relationship growth in ethical non-monogamy, by MtF poly therapist Sander T. Jones. From the introduction:
After several years as a therapist working with people in non-monogamous relationships, I noticed the greatest confusion for my clients seemed to be around personal boundaries, how to employ them, and how to balance individual needs with the needs of the relationship.
I saw people who gave away almost everything for their relationships and wondered why they still felt unloved and unappreciated. I saw people who felt so guilty asking for or requiring anything from their partners that they twisted themselves into pretzels....
I came up with a list of rights that I believe a person has and must protect in order to remain a healthy individual. I also came up with a way of interacting and speaking that includes respecting each person's human rights, and also fosters bonding and connections in relationships....
This book is my attempt at sharing a complete system for finding and creating that beautiful balance between fostering a healthy self and fostering healthy non-monogamous relationships.
...Cultivating Connection also teaches how to come back together and work as a team to resolve conflicts in a compassionate and collaborative way with easy to understand techniques, relatable real life examples, and tons of practical advice.
Read the first dozen or so pages using the "Look Inside" on the book's
Amazon link.
Kitty Chambliss of the Loving Without Boundaries podcast will do a Facebook Live
with the author this Thursday, August 31st.
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Meanwhile, as events develop...
Why have I been ending posts to this polyamory news site with Ukraine?
Because I've seen many progressive movements stumble and die out because
they failed to scan the wider world accurately
and understand their position in it strategically.
We polyamorous people are a small, weird minority of social-rule breakers. Increasingly powerful people call us a threat to society — because by living
successfully outside of their worldview, we expose its
incompleteness.
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One couple, many hands. "A new mural painting in
Kyiv dedicated to Ukrainian volunteers. If you have helped Ukrainians during this year and a half, you may consider yourself to be one of them." |
Such a society is possible only where people have power
to govern themselves, combined with legal structures that are at least supposed to guarantee the rights of all.
Innovative people, communities, and societies who create
their own lives, and who insist on the democratic structures
and legal rights that enable them to do so safely,
infuriate and terrify the authoritarians who are growing in
power around the world and in our own United States. Now with direct mutual support.
Such rulers and would-be rulers seek to stamp out other
people's freedom to choose their lives — by intimidation,
repressive laws, inflammatory disinformation and public
incitement, abuse of police power, or eventually, artillery.
For what it's worth, Polyamory in the News received more
pagereads from pre-invasion Ukraine over the years (56,400) than
from any other country in eastern Europe.
You can donate to Ukraine relief through this list of vetted organizations or many others. We're giving to a big one, Razom, and to a little one, Pizza for Ukraine in Kharkiv, the project of an old friend of my wife (story).
But that is only the start. For those of us born
since World War II, we are seeing the most consequential war of our lifetime. Because we have entered another time when calculating
fascism, at home and abroad, is rising and sees freedom and
liberalism and social tolerance as weak, degenerate,
delusional — inviting easy pushovers. As Russia thought it saw in
Ukraine. The whole world is watching what we will do
about it.
The coming times may require hard things of us. We don't get
to choose the time and place in history we are born into; we
do get to choose how we respond to it. Buck up and be ready.
Need a little help bucking up? Take perspective. Play this. Another version. More? Some people on the eastern front helping to hold onto an open society, a shrinking thing
in the world. Maybe your granddad did this across a trench from
Hitler's troops — for you, and us, because a world fascist
movement was successfully defeated that time, opening the way
for the rest of the 2oth century. Although the outcome didn't
look good for a couple of years there.
Remember, these people say they are doing it for us too. They
are correct. The global struggle between a free, open future and a fearful
revival of the dark past that's shaping up, including in our
own country, is still in its early stages. It's likely to get worse before it gets better. The outcome
is again uncertain, and it will determine the 21st century and
the handling of all its other problems.
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PS: Ukraine should not be idealized as
the paragon of an open democratic society. For instance,
see If Ukraine Wants To Stand for Liberty and Democracy, It
Should Rethink Some of Its Wartime Policies. And it has quite the history of being run by corrupt
oligarchs — leading to the Maidan Uprising of 2013, the
Revolution of Dignity in 2014, and Zelensky's overwhelming
election in 2019 as the anti-corruption candidate. So
they're working on that. More; "Ukraine shows that real development happens when people believe they have an ownership stake in their own societies."
Now, writes US war correspondent George Packer in The Atlantic,
Here was a country with a tragic history that had at last begun to build, with great effort, a better society. What made Ukraine different from any other country I had ever seen—certainly from my own—was its spirit of constant self-improvement, which included frank self-criticism. For example, there’s no cult of Volodymyr Zelensky in Ukraine—a number of Ukrainians told me that he had made mistakes, that they’d vote against him after the war was won. Maxim Prykupenko, a hospital director in Lviv, called Ukraine “a free country aspiring to be better all the time.” The Russians, he added, “are destroying a beautiful country for no logical reason to do it. Maybe they are destroying us just because we have a better life.”
They have a word there, with a deep history, for the horizontal,
self-organized, mutual get-it-done that grows from community social trust: hromada. Learn that word. It's been getting them through to the extent they've been able. We polyfolks often dream of creating something like that
community spirit in miniature, in our polycules and networks.
Occasionally we succeed.
Social attitudes in Ukraine tend traditional, rooted in a
thousand years of the Orthodox Church, but not bitterly so like
often in the US; the ideal of modern European civil society is
widely treasured, and social progressivism has room to thrive.
The status of women is fast advancing, especially since February
2022 (pre-invasion article). And a reported 57,000 women volunteer in the armed forces, flooding traditionally
male bastions, including as combat officers, artillery gunners, tankers, battlefield medics, and snipers. (Intimidating video: "Thus the Witch has Said".)
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Ukraine's LGBT military unicorn. The thorns and barbed wire represent old restrictions now being cut away. |
And in December 2022, Russia made it a crime not just to speak
for LGBT recognition, but to speak for "non-traditional sexual
relations." Until last year Russia had a polyamory education and
awareness movement.
Polyfolks are like one ten-thousandth of what's at stake globally. Ukraine must have our continued material aid for however long
as it takes to win. Speak out for it.
A Russian writer grieves: "My country has fallen out of time."
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Women fighters in a trench in the Donetsk region |
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