"Love is too big for just two"

City Pages (Minneapolis/St. Paul)

Courtesy the Partners in Polyamory podcast.

Walk down the street in Minnesota's Twin Cities, and starting this morning you're likely to see the area's weekly alternative paper on display with a multi-arrow Cupid on the cover and the teaser "The Twin Cities polyamory community believes love is too big for just two."

I'll endorse that message!

The nearly 3,000-word story profiles several people and households whom the writer found through MN Poly:

Polyamory in the Twin Cities

By Patrick Strait

Carrie, her husband Rick, and her boyfriend Mark are roommates who share a house in south Minneapolis. And like most roommates, they have rules.

For example: When Carrie and Rick are having a date night at home, Mark stays out of sight. When Mark brings home a date, Carrie gives them space.

If Carrie and Mark are on a date, however, and Rick and his girlfriend are in the house, they can all socialize — but only if it's in a common area like the living room. You know, normal roommate stuff.

While at first pass this may seem like a rejected script for a Three's Company remake, the reality is that Carrie, Rick, and Mark — all of whom requested pseudonyms — are polyamorous. This means they practice the idea of carrying on multiple romantic relationships simultaneously, while maintaining an open honesty with all those involved.

To monogamous folks, this idea might sound like something straight out of science fiction (which is actually kind of true, as polyamory has been a recurring theme in sci-fi for years). However, polyamory has been around the Twin Cities for decades and has become increasingly visible over the past few years thanks to media exposure and various organized meet-up groups. It's through one of those groups that Carrie and Rick, both 41, first met and began what has been a long, successful relationship....

A self-described "heavy committer," Carrie first realized she was a polyamorous person back in college when her then-fiancé introduced her to a book about plural marriage.

"I would find myself in a strong relationship with someone for quite a while, but then at some point I'd start to find myself caring about another person," she says. "So then I'd start to think that maybe I was doing something wrong, or that there was something wrong with me. Once I read this, though, it all made sense."

...Mark, who is 30, moved in with the couple about 10 months ago. But unlike most stories of wives with boyfriends, this time it was the husband playing matchmaker.... Eventually, Rick's persistence paid off and Mark soon became the third member of the triad.... The men of the household explain that their bro-bond is completely platonic.

...Carrie agrees that the idea of sexually transmitted diseases due to multiple sex partners is one of — if not the most — talked about topics with those who are uninformed about poly....

"Here's the thing though: In a group like ours, you're a lot more cognizant of who you sleep with," Rick adds. "We all hang around each other in the same circles, so I know that if I sleep with someone, then I'm affecting the other people she may be in a relationship with."

"I know more about STDs than my monogamous friends," Carrie adds. "It's funny, because they assume my number of partners is higher than theirs. Then we compare numbers and I think it scares them a bit how many more people they've been with than I have."...

Read on (Oct. 10, 2012).

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