Poly blizzard decisions, in the Washington Post
In its blizzard coverage, the Washington Post publishes a story about the burst of dating behavior that, data indicate, happens as people get snowed in. Polyamory comes up.
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...For Jack*, 29, it’s a little bit of both. He’s in a polyamorous relationship, and his primary partner, Kate*, whom he’s been seeing for nearly two years, is out of town for the weekend. While she’s away, he has options.
There’s the polyamorous woman he hooked up with Wednesday night. She lives two blocks from him in Washington, an easy trudge even in two feet of snow, and is the likeliest candidate to keep him warm over the weekend. Then there’s the other woman he’s dating — but she lives in Arlington. “She and I have been talking about how we want to spend the weekend playing around in the snow, but seeing as how bad it is, she’s going to stay in Arlington,” he said. “I would have loved to spend this awesome weekend with someone who I am much more close to emotionally, than someone I just met.”
Still, he’s bummed, because he likes spending snow days with Kate. “I built my very first snowman with her,” he said.
And having to make this decision is raising even bigger questions for Jack, who has been worrying about his relationship with Kate and “whether or not this is something I even want to be doing — whether I’m seeing these other partners because I have the opportunity to, and not because I want to.”...
The whole article: Milk, bread, and 7 boxes of condoms: How D.C. prepares for a blizzard (Jan. 21, 2016).
If you're wondering, couldn't those three have just gotten together? Yeah, me too. In my opinion, the defining thing about "polyamory" — as opposed to the broader category of open relationships or just free dating — is an understanding that to some greater or lesser degree, we're all in this together.
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6 Comments:
Please, please, please....I beg of you (and anyone else doing this), stop trying to make a defining difference between "polyamory" and "open relationship". This are totally interchangeable words....especially for many of us 1st generation modern poly-folk. Continuing to do this just promotes polarization. For MANY of us "open relationship" means we are open to exploring and co-creating mutually satisfying relationships with more than one sexual/romantic partner. This can most certainly include deep, emotionally connected relationships, that socially intertwine. This sweeping generalization that poly is different than open has GOT to stop. I've been in ethical open relationships (as defined 2 sentences prior) since the 70s...when that was the only word we had.
Hi Dasi,
Please, Please, Please stop trying to undermine progress and the evolution of the word polyamory.
The importance of a distinction between polyamory and open relationships is that for people who may feel the ideals/rules of polyamory are to extreme for them (after they research poly on the internet) may feel that an open relationship is the right form of NonMono for them. NonMono is the catch all phrase not poly. Poly is a set of ideals like "we are all in this together". Describing open relationships as something different than poly, is not a criticism of "open" but and effort to be more clear in our language and offer a broader range of NonMono alternatives to the standard narrative of mono.
In regards to your 1st gen. comment; doing something first, or longer doesn't make you better at it or righter..
"While she’s away, he has options"
Cringe
I consider open relationships to be very different than poly. Open to me is a very free term. When I hear poly I think of huge lists of rules and criteria.
I consider open relationships to be very different than poly. Open to me is a very free term. When I hear poly I think of huge lists of rules and criteria.
Aarron....EXACTLY!!! Open simply means "open"....to......forming the relationships of our choosing.
"J", polyamory is NOT all about rules. These ridiculous boxes have just got to stop. This is one reason I refuse to use any such label now. The presumptions are absurd. I stick to calling myself non-monogamous...because my relationship style does not fit into any of the boxes that next gen. polys want to cram us into. RA/Poly/Open....there is no real clear distinction. Period. Some people would like to make that be so, but it just doesn't actually play out in reality.
- Bhramari
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