Polyamory in the News!
. . . by Alan M.

February 9, 2009

Love, Sex, & Kink: "Three’s company"

West Ender (Vancouver)

In its Valentine's-week "Love, Sex, & Kink" issue, an urban weekly newspaper gives a good, basic, factual report on what poly is about, with its joys and its difficulties.

Another few thousand articles like this in the next ten years, and we'll be living in a different, better environment: one where most people at least know what polyamory is, and what poly relationships tend to look like, and that the folks doing it are not (necessarily) creeps but in fact are often unusually nice.

Moreover, each article like this surely comes as a life-changing revelation to some new handful of innately poly people — who've had no idea before that this is actually possible, or that communities already exist, very much this side of utopia, where they can go connect and learn.

Are polyamorists sexual deviants or the world’s most incurable romantics?

By Andrea Warner [Feb. 9, 2009]

...Other “kinks” have come and gone as the primary target of “polite” society’s moral outrage — homosexuality, orgies, swinging — and forged, in some people’s homes, an uneasy truce. Polyamory, then, might be the last taboo — possibly because many people can barely navigate the obstacles of one relationship, let alone several.

But, contrary to popular belief, people who engage in “poly” say they aren’t just in it for the sex — although that doesn’t hurt. True to their name, polyamorists have a whole lot of love to give (and take).

According to John Ince, co-owner of Vancouver sex shop The Art of Loving, poly people might just be the world’s biggest romantics. “Poly is really about relationships, an ongoing experience rather than a sexual connection,” he says. “I’ve done long-term monogamous relationships and long-term polyamorous relationships, and the poly ones are conducive to more intimacy... but it’s a lot of relational time. Time and work.”

Jillian Deri, a PhD candidate writing about polyamory and jealousy within the queer community, is also involved in poly relationships, and acknowledges the common misconceptions people have about it. “[People think] we’re just dating around until we find the right person,” she says, “or that we’re just promiscuous and can’t decide, or that we’re not committed. But, actually, poly people are usually more committed because they commit to more than one person.”

For Deri... “I believe we have this dichotomy between friends and lovers: only one lover and all the rest are friends. I find that having that boundary broken allows for more intimacy — a whole range of different ways to be with people.”

In a world where hate, rancour and loneliness permeate all aspects of society, one could say that polyamorists are, in their own way, forging a path where love is all around. For those looking to venture into the world of poly, Deri suggests honesty as your best tactic for success.... “Communication is the biggest key to making it work.”...

The Art of Loving hosts its first polyamory seminar, 'Polyamory: Loving More Than One', on Wednesday, March 18. Info: ArtOfLoving.ca

Read the whole article.

Update Feb. 12: Prompted by this article no doubt, the local "News Radio 1130" just aired a snappy little report. I happened to catch it live — it was silly and dismissive. The promo on the station's website, by contrast, is informative and accurate.


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Blogger Fire God said...

More positive press for the polys always a good thing

February 10, 2009 12:54 AM  
Anonymous Steve said...

Overall it's a good article. However, I have some problems with it.

First, the image that accompanied the article is unfortunate. It would have been better to have something gender neutral (such as the infinite heart symbol). The problem with the image used is that for casual observers (who may not read the full article) it reinforces the notion that polyamory is primarily about men having more than one woman, conjuring up images of Mormon-style polygamy (polygyny).

Second, the definition of polyamory in Webster's New Millennium Dictionary was reproduced in the article (likely because that's what you get if you go to dictionary.com). That definition erroneously leaves off the ethical part of polyamory that usually says something to the effect "...with the full knowledge and consent of all involved." I suspect that erroneous definitions like this are the result of a small number of people who approve words and definition for commercial dictionaries, who, as it happens, are monogamous and don't get the importance of the ethical part of polyamory. That ethical part is important as it distinguishes polyamory from cheating and abusive or forced polygamy.

Internet-based dictionaries and encyclopedias, on the other hand, don't make this mistake, and for good reason. They're more democratic and actually reflect what the word actually means -- not what some small elite group *wants* it to mean. Check out Urbandictionary.com, Wikipedia, and Wiktionary.

And lastly, I have issues with giving the impression that "googling the phrase 'polyamory Vancouver' " calls up nothing but "BDSM, fetish nights, and a smattering of other kinky topics that might send potential polyamorists right back into the closet." Come on. The first hits you get are Vanpoly, polyamory.meetup.com, Vanisle Polyamory, and articles about polyamory. You have to scroll down and look for that other stuff.


February 11, 2009 5:40 PM  
Blogger Shiva said...

It would be nice to create an alternative to the comercial St.Valentin, something like the Poly St.Valentin and gather hundreds of people joining together at homes...

February 11, 2009 11:17 PM  

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