Polyamory in the News!
. . . by Alan M.

January 20, 2018

"Discovering my true sexual self: why I embraced polyamory"

The Guardian, one of the world's major newspapers, profiles a wife and husband who opened their marriage. The story appears today in its Weekend magazine (UK print edition) and online worldwide.

‘Discovering my true sexual self’: why I embraced polyamory

My husband and I were together for 12 years and had two children – but while he was happy with one person, I needed more.

Anita Cassidy with her husband, Marc (right), and her partner, Andrea.
Photo: Laura Pannack / Guardian

By Anita Cassidy

It was the hardest thing I’d ever had to say to my husband, Marc. Three years ago, I sat down and told him: “The idea of having sex just with you for the next 40 years – I can’t do it any more.” But I had come to realise that my life was built around something I didn’t believe in: monogamy.

We had been together for 12 years and had two children, now nine and seven. I love being a mother and I set the bar high from the start – cloth nappies and cooking from scratch. But I needed something more in my emotional and sexual life.

Marc’s reaction was remarkable; he agreed to support me and open our marriage to other partners, although it wasn’t really what he wanted. We started counselling to try to identify the best of what we had, to save it and protect it. Sex is a big part of a relationship, but it is only a part. We didn’t want it to scupper us.

If that sounds difficult, it was. I don’t think we could have done it if we hadn’t spent most of our marriage reading, talking and exploring together.

...I became convinced that traditional relationships are like an air lock. You meet someone. It’s amazing and it’s rare, and then you lock it; you shut the windows and doors, and you try desperately to keep it all to yourselves. Then the air turns sour because there’s no oxygen.

...People who choose to be polyamorous often do so after delving deep into themselves and their desires, so it runs close to the kink scene, which was also something I wanted to explore. There’s a temptation to think that, had Marc and I explored these things together, our marriage might have worked without opening it up. I’m not sure that it would have, though, given that he wasn’t into it. It can seem quite intimidating, but I was so ready for it. The first time I went to a fetish club, I felt like I was at home – that I’d found my people.

I now have a partner of two years, Andrea. We work as a couple, but we also have sex with friends. He’s the only partner I have introduced to my children. I love Andrea and I’m very lucky to have him, but I don’t want to live with him – we both value our solitude too much. He and I can flirt with other people and ask for their number, but I still feel jealous sometimes. He went away with another woman and, yes, it was difficult.

Meanwhile, Marc and I realised we were no longer compatible. I had changed too much. We still share the family home and parent our children together. We still get on. We have counselling together, we spend Christmas together – we are still reading and learning as we used to. We wanted to keep all the bits that worked.

We have had to learn so much about communicating better, and I think the children have benefited from that. We have explained that Dad needs one person to be with and Mum needs more people to make her happy. The talk is ongoing; we won’t wait to sit them down when they are teenagers, expecting them suddenly to get it. Understanding polyamory is complicated, but monogamy is fraught with ambiguity, too.

...Monogamy, meanwhile, feels more like a competition where you need to bag someone before anyone else does. None of that applies in a poly setup, which is incredibly liberating. Think how strange it would be to have only one friend. You can’t get everything from one platonic relationship. Why would you try with one lover?

...Put it this way: I don’t see myself sitting on a park bench at 80 with one other person. I’d like to be part of a group of people, a community. ...

Husband Marc also gets his own say. He is supportive but sounds ambiguous about whether he's going to stick around for this forever. Read the whole article (January 20, 2018).


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January 19, 2018

"The Real Truth About Polyamory In The Black Community"

BET writer Damona Hoffman found good people to talk to about this: Crystal Farmer, Black & Poly magazine editor and community organizer; Alicia Bunyan-Sampson, filmmaker, lecturer, and author of the forthcoming No Filter: Diary of a polyamorous black girl; Kevin Patterson, curator of Poly Role Models and author of Love's Not Color Blind; and others.

The Real Truth About Polyamory In The Black Community

By Damona Hoffman

...For clarity, we are talking about emotional and physical intimacy here, not just sex.

“Polyamory, Swinging, Open Marriages, Open Relationships, Monogamish and more all fall under the umbrella of non-monogamy, but people who are polyamorous are more interested in the relationship and don’t just want to have sex with people,” [says Crystal Farmer]. “However, a lot of poly people have sexual relationships, while there are also people who don't have sexual relationships, who are asexual or don’t have a need for a sexual connection, but consider themselves polyamorous because they are in emotional relationships with other people.”

...The bottom line is that you don’t belong to just one person.

Crystal defines herself as "solo-poly." “I consider myself my primary partner,” she proclaims.

...Author and speaker Kevin Patterson ... and his wife, who have been together for 16 years, have both maintained relationships with girlfriends and boyfriends with complete trust and transparency.

“I don’t believe in rules. Rules are about trying to wall off an insecurity,” Kevin told me. “When I’m triggered, it inspires me to ask where the insecurity is coming from.” He feels that his partners should all have autonomy.

In his forthcoming book, Love Is Not Color Blind, Kevin discusses what it is like being a Black polyamorous man just as he has done in speaking engagements around the country for years. Borrowing Mahershala Ali’s quote on the Black American experience, “We move through the world playing defense, we don’t have the capacity to play offense,” Kevin says he feels like he’s always defending the legitimacy of his marriage and his decision to be polyamorous to family, the church, and the Black community.

Denika, a 41-year-old polyamorous woman, also felt ostracized from her family and community for choosing to live her life in this way until she discovered the Black polyamorous community online.

A quick search of Meetup.com in my own city of Los Angeles yielded 19 options of polyamory groups to join. But just how diverse are these groups? Crystal, who is based just outside of Charlotte, North Carolina, says that the groups she attends are predominantly white.

She is open to dating someone of a different culture but she admits that she feels more comfortable when there are other people of color in her poly groups.

...Writer/director Alicia Bunyan-Sampson, 29, began using dating sites when she was new to the polyamory community but quickly found that her Blackness was exoticized among the couples on her polyamory dating site. She thought the first message she received, with the subject line “Ebony Seeking Ivory,” was an anomaly, but when her inbox filled up with 200 similar messages, she retreated from the world of polyamory.

Although she still feels she is polyamorous, Alicia says ... “white is the face of polyamory and has been for quite some time. It more than likely will remain that way. The face of the world is white – why wouldn’t the poly community be the same?”

Crystal sees there is more shame around polyamory in the African-American community because of our roots in Christianity and conservative values.

Denika recalls a time when her sister asked how her relationship with God played into her decision to be polyamorous. Denika sees intimacy and religion as two separate things yet that doesn’t stop her from noticing a look of disapproval when she tells people in the black community that she is polyamorous.

...Trust seems to be the highest priority among all the poly individuals I spoke to. Denika notes, “I need to be able to trust people. Sometimes it can be hurtful but I will be upfront with you so you’re not mislead in the end.” She clarifies that she doesn’t do hookups. “If all you want is sex then you need to be upfront with your intentions but don’t waste my time," Denika explains.

Is polyamory “right” for African-Americans? You will have to draw your own conclusion. What I can say is that the polyamorous people I spoke with all seemed happy with their decision to live life in this way. ...

Denika’s advice is to “know yourself, explore your sexuality, intimacy, sense of self and be open to something different.”

Read the whole article (January 17, 2018. An audio ad autoplays).



January 17, 2018

Poly leaders tell Self mag, "What It's Like to Be in a Polyamorous Relationship"

Self magazine ("wellness you can trust") a few months ago profiled some notable figures in the poly movement: Page Turner, Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Kitty Striker. First, some broader intros from me:

Page Turner (get it?) is an alternative-relationship coach and serious author who recently published Poly Land: My Brutally Honest Adventures in Polyamory and A Geek's Guide to Unicorn Ranching, a little book of advice for clueless but well-meaning couples. She shows a professional writer's discipline in publishing, for two years now, an essay a day on her website Poly.Land, "your daily polyamory blog for navigating life, relationships, and more." At the Beyond The Love poly con last fall, I watched her and her husband Justin Case run a first-rate audience-participation workshop: "Boundary-Setting in Polyamory: First Degree, Second Degree, and Beyond." Expect to see a lot more from them at such events.

Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack run the popular Multiamory podcast. They started it following Dedeker's well-meaning debut as a public poly activist on Fox's Utopia reality show in 2014. The series turned out to be a cynical setup quite unsuited to her, and it died a quick death. Unbowed, the three set out to speak to the world on their own terms. Multiamory, now in its 153rd weekly episode, has become an important face of the poly movement. In 2017 Dedeker published The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory.

Kitty Stryker (NSFW site) says she's "a freelance writer, antifascist activist, and queer sex educator who has been working specifically in the realm of consent for 6+ years. I've got bylines at Buzzfeed, Vice, Wear Your Voice, Ravishly, the Frisky, the Guardian, and much more, as well as being published in a variety of books ranging in themes from fat activism to the inauguration protests to my experiences as a sex worker. I’m also helping some activist Juggalos by serving as a street medic.... I lead an interesting life." Including being a presenter at poly and BDSM conventions. Two months ago Thorntree Press published Ask: Building Consent Culture, an anthology of essays she assembled.

The Self article (which you probably missed when it was at the grocery checkout counter) captured only a bit of these characters, but it's a nice little 101:

By Anna Davies
What It's Like to Be in a Polyamorous Relationship

Meet my wife…and her boyfriend.

By Anna Davies

...[Poly] relationships, too, can vary. Some polyamorous individuals see all their partners as equal; others may have a “primary” partner who they may live with, split bills with, or consider their emotional anchor, and then have secondary people they date and commit to, according to terms laid out between the individual and his or her primary.

But one thing is consistent: Polyamory is all about respect, open communication, and the ability to live love on terms that work for the people involved in the relationship. Here, three polyamorous individuals explain how it works for them, and clear up some common misconceptions people may have about the lifestyle.

Kitty Stryker, 33
San Francisco

Married with a boyfriend

Since she was a teenager, Stryker identified as polyamorous — and has practiced it throughout various relationships. ... Now Stryker is married to a trans woman, whom she has been with for four years, and has had a boyfriend for one year. While her wife and her boyfriend are not partners, Stryker says that they are all friends. “It’s different for everyone, but for me, it’s essential that everyone get along. It avoids a lot of clashing when everyone can directly communicate.”

Stryker jokes that polyamory is “a romantic relationship that works for people who like spreadsheets,” adding that there’s a lot of planning to make sure everyone is on the same page. “I’ll think of the week, and be like, OK, when do I want a sleepover with my boyfriend? It’s not necessarily spontaneous.” And Stryker admits it’s not for everyone. Stryker, the coeditor of Ask: Building Consent Culture, says that couples who may be intrigued try starting slow. “Even seeing your partner platonically cuddling someone else, what does that mean or bring up for you?” asks Stryker. “I think taking small steps to open up a relationship, and frequently checking in with each other, is key.”

Page Turner, 36

Married while dating other men and women

When Page Turner and her first husband decided to open their marriage over a decade ago, they had a frank heart-to-heart, realizing that the decision might cost them their marriage. Turns out, it did — but she doesn’t have any regrets. “When we opened up the marriage and began meeting other people, we realized the best thing for both of us was to let each other go,” says Turner, who remarried five years ago. Now, Turner ... actively dates other men and women but considers the relationship between herself and her second husband to be her “primary.” For her, that means the two live together, split household expenses and chores, and create the terms of what polyamory means to them.

“For us, there’s a huge difference between fidelity (being sexually exclusive to just one person) and loyalty (supporting and being honest to another person). And I think people outside the polyamorous community may not understand that the two aren’t necessarily the same thing.”

To maintain their emotional bond, Turner and her husband developed a system: The pair subscribed to a monthly wine club where they got four bottles of wine delivered to their door; they promised that, no matter what, they would drink the wine together by the end of every month. “Those are our emotional check-in times, when we talk about what’s working, what isn’t, and what we need from each other,” explains Turner....

Jase Lindgren and
Dedeker Winston
San Francisco

Together four years, dating other partners

Winston and Lindgren don’t use the term “primary” and feel that each of the relationships they maintain is unique, different, and just as committed as the one they have to each other. “To me, polyamory isn’t something practiced by a couple, but practiced by individuals,” says Lindgren. “Swinging and certain types of open relationships center around a couple. But in polyamory, it’s an individual committing to other individuals, allowing each relationship to naturally find it’s own depth and intimacy.”

Lindgren and Winston also want to dispel the myth that polyamory is in some way “selfish.” “Having multiple partners requires a lot of commitment — commitment to being the best possible partner, commitment to being honest and proactive in my communication, commitment to putting care and investment into each relationship,” says Winston. ...

As Lindgren explains it, a successful polyamorous relationship depends on all partners being on the same page. ... “In my experience, the most successful polyamorous relationships are the ones that have the fewest rules and limitations. That way the focus is on each person doing things to make their partner happy rather than focusing on 'not breaking rules.’ But that said, some ground rules, especially regarding sexual safety, are a smart strategy and relatively commonplace in polyamorous relationships.”

And at the end of the day, a polyamorous relationship has more similarities than differences to a monogamous relationship. “Any functioning relationship requires dedicated effort, time, and energy — no matter how many people are involved,” reminds Winston. ...

The whole article (online June 7, 2017).


● Many more profiles of poly movers-and-shakers!

If you've read this far you really want to browse Poly Role Models, Kevin Patterson's ongoing interviews with significant people in our movement. He's been building this collection for almost three years now. Also in the series are Poly Origin Stories and Cautionary Poly: Teachable Moments in Polyamorous Relationships. The site is definitely worth your time.


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January 9, 2018

Poly? Now the tabloids adore you!

Trashy tabloids used to treat poly relationships with pretend shock and smug moralizing, dwelling on misery and heartbreak to titillate their readers. Then suddenly about a decade ago, they pivoted to treat poly families as kooky but amazingly happy and successful. That's been pretty much the rule ever since.

My theory: Rupert Murdoch has never let his conservatism get in the way of using sex to sell, so his tabs decided they had the go-ahead to see if the happy-poly treatment titillated readers better. The other tabs saw what was happening and followed.

On Sunday, a lovely feature story about a cute young polyfamily appeared on the sites of three of Britain's competing bottom-feeders — the Mirror, the Sun, and the Daily Mail — and in Metro UK, given away free on public transit. Versions of the article are being reprinted in Australia, New Zealand, India, Italy, Albania, Turkey, Rwanda, by several papers in Indonesia, on a major Chinese-language site that's blocked by the Chinese government, and probably wherever else British tabloids resell their stuff.

All the versions offer abundant, happy pix of Joseph Freeney, Katie Aitchison, and Clare Verduyn, an equilateral triad of physics students at the University of Leeds, UK. They're presented as endearingly dorky medieval re-enactors with amusing housework challenges who are madly in love all around. For eight months they have lived and loved together and they sleep in a snuggle puddle under, yes, a white duvet, this one with stars and rainbows. They're given full rein to enthuse about their incredible poly happiness.

From the Daily Mail's version:

...The unconventional trio have now lived together for eight months as part of one of Britain's small number of polyamorous relationships.

Joe says, 'I love both of these women and they are in love with each other, so we're the perfect fit.

'I know a lot of people will see what we have as strange, but it works.

'It is actually the healthiest relationship I have been in as we all trust each other.

'There is something about the three-way dynamic that makes it even more passionate.'

...Clare says that far from feeling jealous about sharing her new boyfriend with another woman, the relationship has brought a level of happiness she has not experienced before — and she describes the sex as the best she's ever had.

'I won't lie, polyamory is a lot more work than monogamy,' she admits.

'There are more people's feelings to consider, more people's schedules to work around and way more time spent planning when you want to go anywhere.

...The 'throuple' — all physics students at the University of Leeds — not only share their bed, but they also go on romantic dates as a trio, take it in turns to cook and help each other with their uni work.

...The trio initially bonded after they all joined the same medieval reenactment group, dressing up as Normans and staging historically accurate battles from the 12th century.

This is their first polyamorous love affair and they all say it is the healthiest, happiest relationship they have been in.

The trio say they share a bed 'most nights' and are saving up to buy a king size bed to accommodate them.

Katie, 22, and Joe started seeing each other first, and they got to know Clare, 21, a few months later.

Joe, who is bisexual, and Katie, who identifies as pansexual, meaning she is attracted to people regardless of their sex or gender identity, used to joke about how they both fancied Clare, especially in her tight-fitting chainmail during the re-enactment sessions.

They confessed their feelings for her one night and the threesome immediately hit it off, with bisexual Clare moving in not long after.

Says Claire, 'I was attracted to them as well but I felt I couldn't initiate it because they were together and I didn't want to intrude. But Joe and Katie obviously felt the same way so it all worked out.'

Katie and Clare go shopping together and even help each other get ready on nights out.

The trio aren't ashamed of their unusual love and will hold hands in public — if the pavements are wide enough.

But there is a downside as Katie leaves half empty drinks cans around the house, Clare snores and hogs the duvet and Christmas, birthdays and Valentine's Day can be an even more expensive time of year.

However they want to show that polyamory is a perfectly acceptable life choice, and are calling for their relationship to be recognised by law, believing they should even be able to enjoy a three-way marriage.

There are many legal and financial benefits to getting married, and Katie, Clare and Joe want to be awarded the same rights as those in traditional two-person couples.

Joe says: 'I'm not that interested in marriage from a sentimental point of view, but there are practical reasons to get married too, such as the financial benefits or if one of us was in an accident and we needed the right to make decisions.

...The trio have discussed having children, but think it's 'unfair' that they wouldn't all be considered a child's legal parents.

Katie said: 'If we wished to adopt a child there would be no way to do so without having one of us miss out on being legally considered a parent or guardian.

'It does seem unfair as we are all equal partners.'

And Clare says she gets bored of people seeing Joe as the stud — and says it's the girls that are actually the luckiest.

She said: 'Last year, during exam season we all went to study together in the library and we would just walk down the street all holding hands together, it was quite funny.

'Honestly, I don't really care what anybody else thinks, it is none of their business. I have got the best of both worlds.

'Everyone is saying that Joe must be some kind of legend but I'm there like ''Excuse you!'' I have got a hot girlfriend and an awesome boyfriend. What more could you want?'

The arrangement already has financial benefits too, as the trio split their bills three ways instead of two, saving them cash.

They say a lot of people question whether their love is real, but they insist their romance is just as genuine as any relationship between two people.

...Joe says: 'I have friends in other poly relationships where there are three guys, three girls, two guys and a girl — there is just as much variation as there is in a traditional relationship,' he insists.

They admit that their lifestyle is not for everyone but say it makes them very happy — and that they want to see poly relationships acknowledged in the media and pop culture, just like gay relationships are now.

...The triad say three is definitely not the limit and that they have considered adding a fourth person to their relationship.

...They also say their parents are trying hard to understand their lifestyle.

Joe says his mum has met both the girls and loves them, while Katie says her dad is now genuinely interested and understanding of the issues that polyamorous triads face.

Joe says: 'This is the healthiest relationship I have ever been in, and it is the one where I have felt the best about myself — the girls have said the same thing.

'There is a real level of trust in this relationship that I have never had before and I think it comes from the three-person dynamic.

'I want other people to know it can work for them too.'

Now their main hope is to finally be able to afford a king-size bed on their tight student budget.


...A spokesperson from Brook, a relationship and sex advice service for young adults, said: 'Just like monogamous relationships, non-monogamous relationships can be happy and satisfying, and last just as long.

'And just like monogamous relationships they can also be difficult and challenging. The important thing in any relationship is that once you agree your relationship rules, you stick to them.

'Breaking the rules, lying, cheating or not looking after each other's feelings will all put extra strain on your relationship whether you are in a monogamous or non-monogamous relationship.'

It even comes with a sidebar box describing different versions of polyamory.

How did this glowing piece come about?
The photo credit, Triangle News, gives it away. Triangle is a UK publicity firm that "provides entertaining, reliable and shareable content for some of the world’s most popular media outlets." And it's also — in order to charge money in the opposite direction — a public relations firm that "creates eye-catching content for brands and businesses to help them stand out from the crowd." So: either the three students paid Triangle to work up a professional, global publicity campaign (totally unlikely considering what that must cost), or the company paid them to be profiled so it could sell the result to its clients.

This should not be confused with journalism, but it sure got us some good propaganda and probably earned the happy triad a nice royalty. Maybe enough for that king-size bed.


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January 7, 2018

"Why you might want to rethink monogamy in 2018"

The Conversation is a nonprofit international webmagazine meant to foster quality journalism (slogan: "academic rigor, journalistic flair"). In three years it has grown to six editions around the world, and with its free Creative Commons licensing, it claims 35 million readers for its content per month.

It just ran an article by a relationship researcher who says that a marriage's survival can depend on the couple discussing and agreeing on — early — what is fidelity and what is cheating. Is play flirting okay? Having lunch with a friend of the opposite sex? Kissing? And full consensual non-monogamy gets favorable treatment as a possible marriage strengthener.

By Lucia O'Sullivan (Professor of Psychology, University of New Brunswick)

...Research makes it clear that our best intentions are often worthless in the face of a compelling, and possibly unexpected, attraction to another person.... What’s more, an act of infidelity is often understood as the “dealbreaker” in relationships. And few people are abhorred more than those known to have “cheated.”

Despite all this, studies show that most people have in fact engaged in some type of infidelity in the past or have experienced a partner’s infidelity.

The question arises then: Is it time to ditch, or rethink, monogamy as a standard?

"Proponents of polyamory march at the 2017 Toronto Pride Parade." (Shutterstock)

...Interviews with newlyweds in the United States indicate that many people expect they and their partner will remain monogamous, despite admitting to having [themselves] experienced a range of extramarital thoughts and behaviours already, such as flirting with another or feeling aroused in the presence of another. ... Studies show that infidelity remains, year after year, the primary cause of relationship break-ups and divorce.

Now, if you factor in the distress, distrust and discord that infidelity causes to those relationships it does not destroy, you begin to understand the weight of its consequences.

...These questions are more poignant in light of research indicating that intimate relationships are becoming less rewarding over time even as our expectations of what they should deliver steadily increase.

In most Western countries, belief in the importance of monogamy is strong, yet relatively few individuals actually discuss with their partner what monogamy must entail.

...A series of studies by psychologist Ashley Thompson makes clear that we are notably inconsistent in the monogamy standards that we hold for ourselves versus those we hold for our partners. For example, we are far more lenient and tolerant in explaining our own versus our partner’s behaviour.

Those who endorse alternative approaches — such as “consensual non-monogamy” which allows for romantic or sexual relationships beyond the primary relationship, with the partner’s consent — argue that monogamous relationships are far less stable because people use jealousy, monitoring and suspicion as tools to hold their partners to this difficult standard.

Individuals in supposedly monogamous relationships are also less likely to practise safe sex when they cheat (putting their primary partner’s health at risk) than are those in consensually non-monogamous relationships.

...To discuss dealbreakers in one’s relationship, it is essential for a couple to define what constitutes a betrayal, violation of trust or act of dishonesty. If a couple can plan ahead of time for the possibility than one or both partners might have an intimate moment with another person at some point, this can reinforce the flexibility, tolerance and forgiveness required to adjust if that happens.

It all depends on the circumstances, of course, but accepting that another person might offer something that we or our partners need can leave couples better-positioned to move forward and adjust or negotiate if necessary, without an entire and irreversible relationship disintegration.

This is key: If we can admit to ourselves that a fleeting attraction, or more meaningful connection, with another partner might not irreparably harm our primary relationship — and indeed might supplement it — then our relationships might survive longer and better.

This is unlikely to be easy for most of us. ... But insisting upon a fairly unreasonable standard (lifelong exclusivity or else!) can in fact harbour the possibility of secrecy and betrayal.

The emphasis in relationships needs always to be on openness, caring and mutual consent.

This is not to say that you or your partner will ultimately connect intimately with another person in any way despite adopting a new viewpoint about exclusivity. It also does not mean you have to agree that “anything goes,” that your relationship becomes an open relationship in the broadest sense of that term, or that anyone at all can enter your private sphere.

It is wise to negotiate some guidelines with your partner — about who or what type of person might be invited to look in on that sphere, for a moment or longer, and what might be acceptable ways to connect with another person (e.g. lunch is okay, touch is out), should the need or want arise.

If you also discuss how best to talk about it, this approach can go far in keeping your relationship truthful, transparent and trusting — making the need for a dealbreaker that much less relevant altogether.

The whole article (January 1, 2018). The author has had lots to say on this over the years.

The article has been reprinted by Canada's National Post under the same title (Jan. 2); by the UK's lowbrow Daily Mail as Is monogamy bad for your mental health? Psychologist warns you should re-think fidelity for the sake of your relationship (Jan. 2); the UK's serious Independent as Why Monogamy May Not Be the Best Option for Your Relationship (Jan. 9); HuffPost Canada as Ditch The Fairy Tale Of Monogamy As The Standard For All Relationships (Jan. 3); Salon as Why you might want to rethink monogamy in 2018 (Jan. 6), and elsewhere.

O'Sullivan's advice to couples has been poly-movement doctrine from the beginning, and it may be the most important thing that we offer the wider public.


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January 1, 2018

"Pasta, parkas, polyamory: The new you in 2018"

Loving More's bold and optimistic New Year's greeting

Still we ride a wave of trendiness. When will it end? The Times in the UK this morning ranks poly in its list if four "Things that will be OK in 2018 that weren’t (necessarily) in 2017" — along with man buns, unisex loos, and anti-ageism:

Today is the day when we take stock, think about what we could have done better and what we’re determined to do differently. We’re not talking about resolutions so much as the do’s and don’ts of 2018, based on what we’ve learnt in the past 12 months.

Things that will be OK in 2018 that weren’t (necessarily) in 2017:

... ● Being polyamorous. This has been a thing for a while, apparently, but now it’s slowly edged into the normal — if you don’t mind getting screwed up and having anyone over 55 think you are deviant. Still not normal to have a doll for a girlfriend, by the way.

The whole article. (January 1, 2018. Registration wall.)

Forget the snark; the familiarization and normalization here are what matter. We're going from freaky weirdos to those cool, expert ninjas at earnest, ethical group-relationshipping. Now there's an image to resolve to live up to! Happy New Year.


Meanwhile In Style magazine, which is all about what women should wear and buy in order to conform for pete's sake, notes at year's end that "The topic of polyamory experienced a 130% increase in search frequency this year."


P. S.:  In 2017, Moose and I were proudly part of the Resistance. May 2018 be the year of The Resurgence! We're only two 300-millionths of America, but we're doing our bit with pride at what we can someday tell our grandkids. And, with a readiness for risks: "Life rewards people who move in the direction of greatest courage." One of my favorite Franklin Veaux quotes.

One of our goals for 2018: Seize back the American Flag as our symbol at every demonstration and Resurgence event.