"A Live-In Love Triangle Ends in a Beating Death"

New York Times

The following horror was in the news today with the word "polyamorous" attached. As with couples, an okay-looking front can hide horrific abuse, brainwashing, and murder.

A Live-In Love Triangle Ends in a Beating Death

By Sarah Maslin Nir

There were family outings at the beach, homemade pizza nights, a wintry day spent making a dreadlocked snowman — evidence of a secret life in Queens that seemed happy, if unconventional.

But there were troubling signs, glimpsed by her friends in Harlem where she still kept her old apartment, that Sheryl Outerbridge’s other life was quietly destroying her. She would return to Manhattan with burn marks and broken bones, her body tortured — her soul, too.

Sheryl Outerbridge, left, at Rockaway Beach, Queens, in
happier days with Malik and Devonnee Wilkerson, who are
under arrest in connection with her beating death last week.

...Little by little their story unraveled. The husband and wife who bundled her battered body into a 2001 Chrysler Town and Country were no serendipitous passers-by; they had been living with Ms. Outerbridge in a polyamorous — and, friends said, brutal and controlling — relationship that, law enforcement officials contend, ended when the couple beat Ms. Outerbridge to death.

Ms. Outerbridge, a 38-year-old mother of three, was buried on Wednesday in New Jersey, hours after her funeral service in Harlem. One of the suspects in her death, Devonnee Wilkerson, was arrested and charged with kidnapping and assault; her husband, Malik Wilkerson, was in custody in Pittsburgh and awaiting extradition to New York, the police said.

In a statement to the police, Ms. Wilkerson explained what precipitated the violent act. Ms. Outerbridge, she said, violated a cardinal rule of their relationship by getting a tattoo for her birthday: it said “Bish Baby,” Ms. Wilkerson’s pet name for her husband.

“There are boundaries not to cross,” Ms. Wilkerson told the police....

Ms. Outerbridge grew up a voracious reader, but struggled in school, her home life disrupted by the vicious men her mother brought home, her sister Crystal Outerbridge said. The men, she said, pulled their mother into drinking and drugs, beatings and her eventual death from complications of AIDS.

Sheryl Outerbridge persevered, getting a general equivalency diploma and a job as a bank teller.... But even as she climbed upward, she seemed destined to repeat her mother’s mistakes....

...As frank as Ms. Outerbridge was about her three-way relationship, she tried to keep its brutal reality to herself, but that became increasingly difficult. She would return to her Harlem apartment with black eyes, a split lip, “a small map of Texas on her cheek, like somebody took the cigarette and dragged it up her face,” Ms. Irving said....

The whole article (Dec. 12, 2014).

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Dan Savage: Is poly queer?

Many alt media

In his column this week, Dan Savage talks about whether polyfolks can call themselves queer in the absence of any compounding factors. He doesn't say what I thought he would.

LGBT&P

Joe Newton

Q: My husband and I have been married for 20 years, and we both also share our lives with additional partners. Rather than spend a lot of time dishing about who and how we love — and how fortunate we feel! — I'd like to get right to my plea for support.

I want freedom. I want the freedom in my life that I've always wanted for you, Dan: to be able to live and love and talk about your actual life without being afraid that it could cost you your job, your kids, your family. Having to live in the closet is difficult. I cannot say that it is as difficult for us as it is for someone who is LGBT.... [But] this isn't a contest about who suffers more.... The progress we have made together toward a more tolerant world for gay people gives me hope that we could be next.... So can we be added to the acronym, please? Perhaps we can honor the differences between our experience and the LGBT experience with an ampersand. What do you think of LGBT&P?

–Privately Polyamorous Person

A: You haven't been keeping up, PPP. We are no longer the LGBT community. We are the LGBTQLFTSQIA community, aka the lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer, leather/fetish, two-spirit, questioning, intersex, and asexual community/communities. I don't see why we can't slap a "P" onto the end of our acronym, so say it with me now: "I'm proud to be a member of the LGBTQLFTSQIAP community/communities!"

But I have to draw the line at the ampersand. Because if we give poly folks a punctuation mark, PPP, then soon everybody is gonna want a punctuation mark....

And why should poly folks be held at arm's length with an ampersand? Because most poly folks are straight? Lots of leather/fetish folks are straight, and they're covered in the acronym. Lots of trans men and trans women are straight, and they're covered. David Jay, founder of the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, "is in a romantic relationship with an asexual girlfriend and hopes to adopt a child," according to his Wiki page, and he's covered.... You're a sexual minority, too, and poly people sometimes face discrimination, bigotry, and oppression. So welcome to the club, PPP. Congrats!

And here's the best part of putting poly folks in the acronym: It brings us one step closer to seizing control of the entire alphabet. While religious conservatives are fighting a losing battle to "take back the rainbow" from the gays — a movement led by a fundamentalist preacher in Washington State — we've been making off with the alphabet one letter at a time....

Read the whole column (Dec. 11, 2013). This is the last item.

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Conservatives shifting their aim to polyamory

Emblem by Angi Becker Stevens,
The Radical Poly Agenda

I've noticed something since the Supreme Court's DOMA decision last June. Aside from diehard fundie Christians, the conservative movement has mostly thrown in the towel on gays as being a losing issue. Instead, social conservatives are turning their sights more directly onto the next target down their slippery slope: polyamory.

As poly becomes widely known and recognized, we're becoming a bugbear in our own right, rather than just an incidental debating point in the fight against gay marriage. However, conservatives still often mix us up with polygamy, probably a tactical error. That term calls up images of cults in the desert dressing for the 19th century, hardly a serious moral challenge to mainstream assumptions. A more immediate challenge are the modern, successful, highly educated and connected "polyamorists next door," to use the title of sociologist Elisabeth Sheff's great new book just out.

Last week the shift seemed especially clear, when an unusual number of conservative websites and media picked up on the ABC Nightline segment featuring Kamala Devi, Michael and Rachel, and the Dear Prudence advice column that addressed the etiquette of poly-family Christmas invitations.

For instance, here is Rod Dreher at The American Conservative following up on Dear Prudence. I highlight this one because Dreher is thoughtful and worth reading to know what his side is thinking. So are many of his commenters; they're more civilized than ABC's. It's a mistake to imagine that these people are all hateful loons (though some are), any more than to think that liberals are all clueless airheads (though some are).

Have A Poly, Jolly Christmas

By Rod Dreher

[Following the Dear Prudence column] ...some American Idol graduate whose career is going nowhere needs to write a holiday anthem to encourage polyamorists who are sadly marginalized and excluded from family Christmases. Why not? ....If the Bowersox “holiday anthem” (her phrase) about coming out to one’s family by bringing one’s same-sex partner home to Christmas is something to be celebrated, what in principle would be wrong with a holiday anthem about coming out to one’s family as a polyamorist by bringing one’s poly partner(s) home to Christmas? Serious question.

(Sounds like a fun idea to me. Anyone?)

Actually, these Christmas song questions highlight how confused and confusing our response to the radically changing American sexual and social scene often is. I think relatively few people are entirely consistent on the matter. Would I welcome my adult child’s same-sex partner to the Christmas table? I would, no matter what I thought about the moral status of their relationship. But I would not welcome my child’s polygamous partner(s) to the Christmas table, and would not even consider it.

...Why is one tolerable to me, but the other not? I’m not sure I have a satisfying answer. I think they are equally sinful, from an Orthodox Christian point of view, and incapable of being squared with the will of God. Yet in the case of the gay family member, I honestly have no problem socializing in good faith, any more than I would have a problem socializing in good faith with straight family members who happened to be living without benefit of clergy with their partners. Why is this acceptable, but polygamy at the Christmas table is absolutely not?

Obviously because polygamy still has about it a strong taboo.... Homosexuality, for better or for worse, has lost that taboo for most people, including people like me, who hold to the standard Christian position on marriage and sexuality. It’s just not worth alienating the affection of my family over.... This is why gay rights have won: when conservatives like me don’t think defending our principles is worth enforcing a taboo that would alienate the affection of those we love, the battle is over.

So why is the anti-polygamy taboo worth drawing a line against?... The thing that leaves me very uneasy is the language and logic used to justify the legitimacy of homosexuality and gay marriage — the language of liberty, liberation, and personal autonomy — leaves us in a weak position against which to resist polygamy....

The only people in this matter who are fully consistent are those who would accept everybody, and those who would refuse all but one-male-one-female pairings. My guess is that most of us are neither. This is messy.

Well, life is messy. Or rather it's "complex and ever-evolving," more technically "a nonlinear system," just like the rest of nature. Get used to it.

Read his whole article (Dec. 5, 2013).

I actually think this conservative attention is good for us, for several reasons:

1) It spreads the word that successful poly relationships even exist, to a big audience that we can't reach directly. The more people who simply hear about the polyamorous possibility, the more who will know that is exists for them too, if the time ever comes. As Sheff says, we are presenting a striking new concept that once known, cannot be un-known.

2) Even direct opposition tends to normalize a new thing, which is what conservatives seem to fear the most. Think of how the early debates over homosexual relationships 40 or 50 years ago normalized homosexuality as an actual serious topic. They spread the knowledge that real gay relationships exist among decent people.

3) Engaging with the opposition strengthens our skills and develops the quality of our ideas. If you stay in your thought bubble unchallenged, your ideas get all flabby and you may indeed end up a clueless airhead.

So bring it on. Those of you who are positioned to, challenge the other side. Seek debates (in fair forums; a hostile TV show may edit you down to nothing, but live talk radio is great). Pick a fight. Join the comments. For ideas, you might start with Tristan Taormino's stirring Poly Pride speech a while back, especially her third from last paragraph; the suggested poly talking points at the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom; and Sheff's research in her new book.

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Dear Prudence on inviting a poly family home for Christmas

Slate, many newspapers

It's the holiday season, and Dear Prudence takes a question about inviting a poly third to Christmas at the home of split-opinion parents. Among mainstream advice columnists Prudie (Emily Yoffe) has been somewhat unsympathetic to poly in the last four years, but at least she's now offering straight advice. And notice the part I've bolded.

My Two Lads

Dear Prudence (Emily Yoffe)

My daughter wants to bring her husband — and her boyfriend — to Christmas.

Dear Prudence,

Our daughter "Amanda" lives in another state and has been married to "Jacob" for several years. Theirs is an open relationship, and I have always known that. My husband, however has kept his head in the sand regarding this. My daughter has a boyfriend, "Tom,” whom Jacob knows about and has a great friendship with. They are all planning to come to our home this Christmas, but my husband insists that Tom (who has visited us previously) is not welcome. Do I tell our daughter, son-in-law, and daughter's boyfriend to make other holiday plans? My opinion is that they are all consenting adults, there are no children involved, and always behave appropriately in public.

—Stuck in the Middle With Him

Dear Stuck,

Perhaps a generation from now many families will be having a very polyamorous Christmas. But we aren’t there yet. I support your conclusion that your daughter and the men in her life are consenting adults and as long as they behave with decorum, what they do in private is none of your business. But they are also open about their open relationship, so I can understand your husband’s point of view that he attended Amanda’s wedding to Jacob, where she vowed to forsake all others, including every Tom, Dick, and Harry. Before you call your daughter, talk to your husband about the possibility of indulging in some denial and just treating Tom as a friend of the couple who has nowhere else to go for the holiday. If that doesn’t work, and your husband has no interest in getting presents for this trio (a boxed set of Peter, Paul, and Mary?), then contact your daughter and explain your dilemma. Do not open with a suggestion that she go elsewhere for Christmas. Tell her that her father is not yet ready to accept her unconventional approach to marriage, but that alienating herself from him won’t help the process. Suggest this year she come only with Jacob. Surely she knows there are simply occasions when she must make a choice about which man to bring.

—Prudie

Here's the original in its first place of appearance, at Slate (Dec. 5, 2013).

This set off a big discussion thread today on reddit/r/polyamory, which has over 16,000 mostly young members. Sample comment: "I don't like the implication that Amanda is the one who selfishly wants to have her cake and eat it. That sounds like the dad, who wants to see his daughter but not see her partner! He is the one who should grow up and start listening to his family."

While we're at it, here's a brand-new, actually knowledgeable advice column for alt-relationships: Dear Viny: Actual Advice for Alternative Relationships. She's put up seven pieces in the month since she started.

And here's my roundup of 11 advice columns by and for alt-relationship people a few months back.

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"Coming Out as a Modern Family"

New York Times

Maria Bello

Sometimes a successful poly family just falls together by itself, without anyone apparently knowing about, or needing, the word, the literature, or the community. Actress Maria Bello tells how it happened to her, in the Fashion & Style section of the New York Times. Here are the beginning and ending:

Coming Out as a Modern Family

By Maria Bello

When my 12-year-old son, Jackson, asked me if there was something I wasn’t telling him, I replied, “There are a lot of things I don’t tell you.”

“Like what?”

“Adult stuff.”

He persisted: “What kind of adult stuff?”

This was the moment I had been anticipating and dreading for months. “Like romantic stuff,” I said, fumbling for words.

Brian Rea

“What kind of romantic stuff?”

“Well,” I said. “Like how sometimes you can be friends with someone, and then it turns romantic, and then you’re friends again. Like with Dad and me. Or romantic like Bryn and me were, and then he and I became friends.”

“So are you romantic with anyone right now?” he asked.

I took a deep breath, knowing that my answer, and his response, would have an impact on our lives for a very long time....

------------------------------

...And we have figured it out together: Jack, Clare, Dan [husband], and I. It’s a rare weekend when we aren’t piled in the same car, driving to one of Jack’s soccer tournaments. Dan makes fun of Clare for getting lost and she makes sure he always has the umbrellas, sunscreen, water nuts and whatever else we might need in a nuclear disaster.

We have dinner together almost every night. As I write this, we’re basking in the afterglow of Dan’s 50th birthday party that Clare, Jackson, and I gave, which was attended by his family and mine and many other people I consider partners in one aspect of my life or another. It was a room of celebration and unconditional love.

Mostly, the four of us laugh a lot together. Jackson has gotten us hooked on “Modern Family,” and in each episode he tries to figure out if Dan is Phil or Jay and if Clare is Gloria or Mitchell....

So I would like to consider myself a “whatever,” as Jackson said. Whomever I love, however I love them, whether they sleep in my bed or not, or whether I do homework with them or share a child with them, “love is love.” And I love our modern family.

Maybe, in the end, a modern family is just a more honest family.

Maria Bello is an activist and actor whose most recent film is “Prisoners.”

Read the whole article (Nov. 29, 2013).

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Four gay and bi polycules in San Francisco profiled

The Bold Italic

Continuing the theme of gay writers addressing polyamory without fear, this profile of four groups appeared a few days ago in The Bold Italic, "an online magazine, shop, and events hub in San Francisco. We celebrate the free-wheeling spirit of the city."

Polyamory is Alive and Well in SF

By Peter Lawrence Kane

After the Supreme Court’s Prop. 8 ruling came down in June... amid the celebration, there were some wistful sentiments that maybe queerness was waning and all the gays were — as my uber-queer thesis adviser once put it — “ready to go home and cook dinner, forever.”

...But there are multiple other ways of fashioning a life with one’s chosen partner, or partners. I sat down with four families or member of polyamorous groups, two all-male and two male-and-female, to gain some better insight into just how happy (and gleefully sex-positive) these enduring arrangements can be.

Richard, Steven, Rob, Eric, and Paul [above] are all between 47 and 62 years old and live in San Francisco. Richard and Steven (the daddies) have been together for 23 years and legally married in 2008, while the three boys joined in the last five or six years. Rob and Paul are collared, wearing padlocked chains that indicate they’re boys in a daddy-boy dynamic. Additionally, Paul and his separate partner of 16 years wed in October.

Getting together:

Rob: If somebody has a thing going on, we all make a point to show up. We have scheduled dates because if we don’t, they won’t happen.

Eric: And we’re not [gestures to include the entire family] monogamous as well. We all have fuck buddies.

Paul: There’s a lot of focused one-on-one. Not necessarily having sex, but focusing on the relationship. Which usually involves sex.

Richard: We’re not “poly-monogamous.” We interbreed with regularity, though that certainly has diminished as the intensity of the relationship among the five of us has increased....

Do you envision legalized polyamory?

Richard: Three years into our relationship, Steven and I had our own Jewish-pagan ceremony. Then we got domestic-partnered. Right now we’re trying to get the boys to find boys. They need support staff, so to speak. When I’m 90, Eric will be 77, and he’s going to need someone to push my wheelchair around....

Together for three years, Liesl and Steve are a couple dating another couple, Megan and Nathan, along with several other lovers whom they see less often. All are in their late twenties and live in the East Bay.

Getting together:

Steve: If I’m dating a girl, usually Liesl ends up dating that girl, but most of the time, if she’s dating a guy, he and I don’t play too much. Except at either end of Liesl.

Liesl: Although I’ve had lots of guys say that if they were to experiment on a guy, it’d be Steve. I was the first woman Megan had ever been with. But that’s not surprising. All the straight girls, they’re like, “Well, I’ll try this.”

Challenges:

Steve: The reason we’re polyamorous isn’t philosophical, it’s that we’re terrible about monogamy. But in the Bay, people have a whole idea of what that means about our relationship....

Read the whole long article (late November 2013).

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Of course some gays really are monogamous, like some straights, and they can get in one's face about it, like some straights — as told by Tom Gualtieri at The Weeklings and reprinted at Salon:

Hey, moralists, spare us the monogamy speech

Your view of your own moral superiority is not going to make someone else’s relationship better or worse.

Back in 2004, just after San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom’s controversial move issuing same-sex marriage licenses, I went on a date with a good-looking fella I’d met through friends. The topic of monogamy came up – not in the context of some imagined, romantic future for the two of us but in the ado (and much of it) caused as much by Newsom’s boldness as by the legalization of same-sex marriage in Massachusetts the previous autumn.

My date offered, unsolicited, his opinion about gay men who indulge their sexual needs openly and, let us say, frequently. I worked my way through the bread basket as he bloviated....

Eventually, I parried with my philosophy that promiscuity does not equal sluttery and conservatism in the bedroom (or in politics) doesn’t make anyone automatically superior. There are gay men, I said, who neither need nor desire “free love” and are perfectly happy that way. There are other men who don’t engage because, while they would like to, they fear the judges at their own court of inner demons. And finally there are men who profess their superiority at not needing “free love” but do it in secret anyway; we call those men “hypocrites.”

It was at this point that I become sorry we had already placed our order....

Read on (Nov. 30, 2013).

-------------------------

Also of note: at counselor Gina Senarighi's site, Myths of Non-Monogamy: Polyamory is So Gay

One of the myths of non-monogamy I face regularly is that open relationships and polyamory is a gay thing. That straight people are basically monogamous naturally, and gay people for whatever reason aren’t.

“There is no societal or religious pressure, no relationship archetype or historical expectation for a gay man to be monogamously coupled. Unlike heterosexual relationships, gay relationships form simply because two people want to be together.”
          –Tyler Curry

One of the best parts about being a part of the LGBTQ community is that because we don’t have set models for relationships, we get to be creative when we decide to build them....

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San Diego Poly Pod folks appear on ABC's Nightline

When Showtime's Polyamory: Married & Dating ended its season last month, Michael and Kamala Devi seemed to be in an uncertain place with respect to Michael's new lover Rachel. (The filming was done months earlier.)

Things apparently turned out well, because she has moved in with them. And last night the three of them appeared on ABC's Nightline, which can't hurt the show's chances for a third season.

Kamala Devi, Michael, and Rachel on camera with Nick Watt.

Tahl and Jennifer, in the interim, have moved out and gotten a place of their own. The whole bunch hope to move into roomier quarters when they can afford a big enough home.

Michael, Rachel, and Kamala Devi presented well on Nightline, but unfortunately the segment was marred by the loud, smarmy narrator Nick Watt, who I thought hogged the audio track. He sounded like a British tabloid. To future people researching Watt and considering whether to be on a show that he does: Avoid him.

Watch the segment here (6:15). A transcript is also at that link. Note the segment's dumb title: "Polyamory: The End of Marriage?"

A nice, separate article is posted various places on the ABC-TV site. It presents most of the segment's content minus most of Watt's interjections, and has a not-dumb title:

Open Marriages: When Husband and Wife Have Lovers and Date Other People

Rachael, Michael, and Kamala Devi

...They call what they have a "pod," like what you would call a group of dolphins. They practice safe sex and total honesty.

"The first rule is really about making sure that we have created the space to have that conversation," Kamala Devi said.

Kamala Devi and Michael have a 6-year-old son together named Devin, and Rachel provides a helping hand.

"We share life together," Kamala Devi said. "It takes a village to raise a child and it feels really good to have that kind of support."

This kind of "polyamorous" relationship is becoming increasingly common, experts say.

"The divorce rate in the United States is over 50 percent. ... People are not staying nearly as faithful they used to," said Dr. Karen Stewart, a sex therapist in Los Angeles. "The world has become a much smaller place. We can seek out connections, there's dating sites on every street corner. You can go anywhere to meet someone now."

But could there ever be societal acceptance of something more than monogamy? Despite having multiple partners, Stewart said polyamorous relationships are about love and commitment....

..."I really think that in 10 years society is going to be like this a new paradigm," Kamala Devi said. "The culture is changing."

"It is quite normal already. It's just not out of the closet," Michael added.

Read the whole article (Nov. 25, 2013).

This article and the video transcript version are being reprinted by various other big outlets, such Yahoo News, the U.K's Daily Mail, The New York Post, the Huffington Post, and probably many others. Update: Kamala Devi notes, "This positive portrayal of polyamory was translated into 4 languages and was one of the top trending stories on Yahoo."

Here's an example of the grim reactions going around Christian right sites: The End of Marriage? 'Spreading the Gospel of Polyamory'.

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"Polyamory, Lots and Lots of Love"

Philadelphia Inquirer

Philadelphians on this Sunday morning are waking up to a feature article of the kind we know and love, in the region's biggest mainstream newspaper (Sunday circulation 477,000). Huge thanks to the people who are profiled and pictured:

Polyamory, lots and lots of love

Dierdre, Kala and Jeremy.

DAVID M WARREN / Philadelphia Inquirer

By Gloria Hochman

...According to the 2010 U.S. Census, the traditional nuclear family - mom, dad, children - accounts for only 20 percent of households. This is the first in an occasional series of stories about the new modern family, one that may be living next door to you.

On Sept. 10, 2011, Deirdre Cusack, Jeremy Peirce, and Kala Pierson got married. To one another.

More than 60 friends and relatives attended their marriage ceremony at Philadelphia's Magic Gardens. They smiled as the two brides, both in traditional white wedding gowns, and the groom, dapper in his tuxedo, passed Noah, their 18-month-old son, from one set of arms to another.

Today, two years later, the foursome appear to be an ordinary family living with their cats, Moonstone and Dandelion, in a single home in a Philadelphia suburb. Noah goes to a progressive day care center where he is learning Hebrew and Spanish. He loves pasta, albeit topped with brussels sprouts, and squeals with delight when he is rewarded with a chunk of licorice after success on the potty.

All three parents hold prestigious jobs - Jeremy, Noah's birth father, with degrees from Amherst and Princeton, is a biotech scientist; Kala writes classical music that has been performed in 28 countries. Deirdre, Noah's birth mother, is a data analyst. Deirdre's sister, Deborah, and Jeremy's mother, Marie, usually laden with gifts for Noah, visit often.

Still - When Kala describes her ordinary, extraordinary family, she shrugs insouciantly and says, "We make dinner for each other . . . we have sex with each other."

And that isn't all. Jeremy, Kala, and Deirdre all have "sweeties" (most of whom attended their wedding) outside their close-knit trio - two each at the moment - with one another's blessings....

...Each February since 2005, an annual national conference on polyamory, given by Loving More Nonprofit, is held right here in Philadelphia....

DAVID M WARREN / Philadelphia Inquirer

...In some ways, the polyamorous family seems poised between the mind-set of the past — it "takes a village" to raise a child — and the mystery of the future, with emerging family styles certain to surprise, shock, and alter our views of what is acceptable and perhaps even welcome....

..."The point of poly," says Gaylen Moore, a philosopher/writer who is working on a novel with a poly theme, "is that it is possible to love more than one person at a time. Rather than letting this aspect of human nature lead to pain, insecurity, and emotional trauma, polyamorous people choose to . . . celebrate what they regard as the full depth and breadth of human love."...

...While there is nothing in psychoanalytic literature that predicts the futures for children in polyamorous families, Ira Brenner, clinical professor of psychiatry at Thomas Jefferson University, suggests that "where love and understanding predominate over aggression and narcissism, we should expect that the children would develop healthy attachments and have respect for others."

Kala smiles as she talks about Mark, the son of her married lover in New York. When he was 5, and was asked to draw a picture of his family, he included Kala next to his mom and dad.

"Who's that?" his teacher asked. "My daddy loves her," Mark responded. When his teacher looked puzzled, he paused for a moment, ran a chubby finger over the figures in his drawings, and said, "Actually . . . everybody loves everybody."

Read the whole 1,500-word article (Nov. 17, 2013). It's stories like this, and the right people making themselves available for them, that are bringing about the poly-aware and poly-accepting future.

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"Kitten, Brynn, and Doll's rainbow garden of poly love three-bride wedding"

Offbeat Bride

KevCool Photography

I've often said that legally recognized multiple marriages aren't on the horizon, if only because of the new legal complexities that would have to be developed and because of low demand. But some polyfamilies do their own, off-the-books commitment ceremonies anyway. Sometimes with full-up wedding regalia.

Yesterday Offbeat Bride magazine highlighted one such beautiful event, with oodles of great photography. It's taking off on reddit and popping up elsewhere. The ceremony took place just a couple of towns from us, right next to a hiking trail that Moose and I often frequent.

[Officiant reads:]

"I'd like to welcome you to a most unusual wedding. In our society today, no wedding is really 'normal.' Our polyglot nation has blended together so many ideas of what it means to be married, and how one goes about doing it, that there is truly no one true way to structure a marriage ceremony. But even by modern standards, where blended families are the new norm, where ceremonies invoke ancient customs alongside modern creations, where in a seemingly ever-increasing number of states and countries, anyone can marry the person that they love, this is a most unusual wedding.

"Today we have gathered to witness the union of Brynn, Kitten, and Doll...."

See the whole article (Nov. 14, 2013).

-----------------------------------

Here are other poly wedding stories at Offbeat Bride:


● A poly wedding: My decision to marry my boyfriend while I'm legally married to my husband

● Wedding ceremony readings for polyamorous couples

● Christine & Derek's misadventurous rainbow hodgepodge of freaks & geeks wedding

● 5 offbeat marriages that may benefit from the assistance of a lawyer

● Milestone put out the call for Offbeat Brides, and here are the awesome results!

● Commitment BDSM style: My vanilla, polyamorous, collaring ceremony

● What polyamorists can teach brides about getting over petty wedding jealousies

● Rosemary & Christopher's hippie pagan eco diy celebration of love

And, here are more poly stories elsewhere on the Offbeat Empire websites:

OffbeatFamilies.com/tag/polyamory

OffbeatHome.com/tag/polyamory

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"Local Flavours of Open" series: Portland, Oregon

MultipleMatch.com

Louisa Leontiades (Louloria) in Sweden has been publishing a steady stream of high-quality articles about ethical non-monogamy at her online magazine MultipleMatch.com (logo above). Many are also syndicated on her blogsite at The Huffington Post.

She recently started a new series, Local Flavours of Open, "which explores how polyamory is practiced in and influenced by different cultures across the world. If you would like to contribute your local flavour, get in touch!"

One of the first is about Portland, Oregon:

What Does Non-Traditional Relationship Utopia Look Like?

By sexualityreclaimed

What if you could be openly welcomed with both your lovers at the local chemist… what if coming out as trans, queer or poly was simply one of many choices during adolescence… what if going to a dungeon to play kinky games on a Saturday night was as accepted as going out for a curry… What would the world look like?

Welcome to Poly-Mecca, Portland Oregon

Powell’s is Portland’s claim to bookstore fame. And it was there that I bought the book which was to change my life. It was – predictably – Sex at Dawn. Because although my partner and I met in Berkeley, California, which seems to outsiders to be a liberal, bohemian heaven, we didn’t open our relationship until we had moved to Portland for graduate school. Portland is my idea of Poly-Mecca. A city with the social capital to support my wildest explorations and adventures.

Oregon boasts laws that protect some sexual expression as freedom of speech; thus, walking around naked is legal. Even if most don’t… most of the time ;-) ....

Read on (Nov. 12, 2013). "Co-written with KatieB from Sexuality Reclaimed & edited by Louisa Leontiades."

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