Polyamory in the News!
. . . by Alan M.

August 16, 2009

Mainstreaming in Dear Margo

A leading advice columnist handles a poly reader's query — about a triad looking for a fourth — seriously and matter-of-factly:

When Three Is Not a Crowd

Dear Margo: I've been in a long-term polyamorous MFM triad with two really wonderful guys for the last four years, one of whom I've been seeing for almost seven. We have a lower-than-average drama quotient than even most dyadic (two person couple) relationships, and are all very happy with each other and our lives. We had always talked about seeking another female mate, but our non-relationship life stuff hadn't really been such that we could devote much time to the endeavor. Now, our lives have finally settled down for the most part, and we've come to realize that none of us can think of a way to approach someone with this. We've tried online and our local poly community as places to look for dates, to no avail. I realize that it will be difficult to find someone who is compatible with all of us, but we need a way to politely put ourselves out there first. Could you give three shy nerds an opener or some advice?

— Wannabe Quad

Dear Wan: You are making this sound like rounding up a fourth for bridge. Although I am not an old hand at figuring out how to be of assistance to the polyamorous, I would recommend that you let life happen. This seems to be the way to go, since you haven't had any luck with what you call your local poly community or online advertising. And it may be that you "three shy nerds" are doing fine as a threesome. I would also like to advise people who disapprove of your lifestyle not to write asking why I didn't tell you this is not "normal" or "moral." I only and always deal with the question asked.

— Margo, non-judgmentally

Read the original (dated July 31, 2009. It got by me when it came out; thanks to GreenFizzpops for the tip.)


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well color me stunned! I think this is fantastic advice. Too many people go out looking for a mate to "complete them" as if they were hunting for a job applicant.

As I'm fond of saying, "I don't find people to fit the spaces in my life, I find spaces to fit the people in my life".

August 12, 2009 4:56 AM  
Blogger Gwenny said...

Incredible! As usual posted to my Facebook. LOL

August 12, 2009 9:51 AM  
Anonymous Camile said...

I've always preferred Margo over some of the other advice columns because she seemed more open-minded. Glad to see her proving me right.

August 12, 2009 10:39 AM  
Anonymous PotGrrl said...

Wow, I've gotten out of reading Dear Margo, but I used to read that column when she took it over from... the other person who used to do it...

They've always been awesome at responding to the kabillion questions they get on every topic. I love to see Polyamory as one of the focuses, however, and I love her last line for the diluge of attacks she'd get from readers ;)

Thanks for sharing and reminding me of that great column :)

Polyamory Q&A blog

August 13, 2009 7:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe I'm missing something, but that Polyamory Q&A blog posted by PotGrrl seems to me to be a no-content search engine trap serving up trashy referral ads.

If I've just failed to find the link there to some actual commentary, valuable discussion, or ... you know, content, please correct me, and accept my apologies.

I was briefly excited about finding a new poly resource.

August 24, 2009 8:38 PM  
Blogger Alan said...

PotGrrl's link works fine for me. Maybe it was hijacked briefly. Try again now.

August 25, 2009 7:12 AM  

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