"In September 2011, I got pregnant by... someone?"
As Jessica Burde describes in her recent book Polyamory and Pregnancy, all sorts of socially new things come up when someone in a polycule wants to become pregnant. Or becomes pregnant, whether accidentally or on purpose.
A woman who's happy with how the situation turned out tells her story in the "It Happened To Me" section of the fiesty online women's magazine xoJane. The magazine claims to have 2 million readers a month.
It Happened To Me: I'm A Mom In A Closed Polyamorous Relationship
By Angelique G. Jackson
...So how does one end up in a relationship with two men?
...I always hated in movies where a woman has to decide between the two men she loves and I’m like “PICK BOTH! TO HELL WITH MONOGAMY!”
...In January 2011 the three of us decided it was the right time financially and housing-wise and such to have a baby. In September 2011 I got pregnant by… someone? (Look out for this part to hit the comments section!) I don’t know who the father is for sure (I have narrowed it down though, Maury) and that was a big fuck-up on my part.
My intention was to have my first child with JP as we had been together for nearly 15 years at this point and it just felt like the right order of things. Well, some idiot decided to have unprotected sex with her husband after a night of a few drinks and… yeah. I know it is my husband’s (a woman just knows?). I will do paternity testing in the near future when I get off my butt and fill out the whole one page form. I haven’t yet had to tackle difficult issues like which one will my daughter call "daddy" and who will be "dad" and who has to go to the parent teacher meetings and who signs permission slips. Get back to me in a few years and see how we’re doing.
To answer the usual nosy questions: we three sleep in the same room on a king sized mattress next to a twin. No, we don’t have threesomes -- we have, but they just ain’t that much fun. No, my guys do not sleep with each other nor is there sexual tension.
... As for daily life, JP and I work and CI picked the short straw and is the stay-at-home dad. (I say this in jest. That is an incredibly hard job and one that I could not handle. I stand in awe of all stay-at-home whatevers you may be.) At night we eat dinner, play badminton, read to the baby, watch Doctor Who, and toss uneaten baby cereal at the dog because it’s funny to watch him crunch stuff up. You know, boring life stuff.
I don’t know why polyamory works for some people and not others. There are many complicated issues that come into play in any relationship, let alone one between 3 adults. All I know is that no relationship can work without healthy communication and that is all that matters. This kind of relationship is not for everyone and I don’t expect everyone to respect it or understand it, just accept it for what it is....
Read the whole article (September 3, 2013). The comments are piling in fast, and in the 5 hours the story's been up so far, most of them are good. Stop being a comment-phobe; go join in.
P.S.: About that paternity test. Get on with it, for excellent reasons Burde tells in her book.