Polyamory in the News!
. . . by Alan M.

December 25, 2016

Why poly is so feminist: The version to give the clueless

Wonder why modern poly is so feminist? Why most of its leaders, organizers, book authors, bloggers, public spokespeople, and other movers-and-shakers are women? And have been ever since Deborah Anapol and Ryam Nearing got the movement rolling 30 years ago? And since Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart coined, and Jennifer Wesp popularized, the word polyamory?

Lotsa reasons. But for the clueless males that you encounter (including perhaps your cousin visiting for Christmas), save this little gem of a clue-by-four that even they will get.

It's from Poly.land, "your daily polyamory blog for navigating life, relationships, and more," by the prolific Page Turner of the Cleveland poly and kink communities. She also defines for newbies a lot of our in-group terminology. From the start:

The Switcheroo: When Openers Become Benchwarmers

A switcheroo. Who would fall for it?
“You’re poly?” he says. “I feel kind of bad for you.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Everyone knows that polyamory is just a thing that straight dudes made up so their girlfriends will let them have some extra sex without looking like a creep.”

I laugh.

“What?” he asks. “You’re not gonna argue?”

“Well,” I say. “Even if that’s the case, that’s not really the way it plays out. Joke’s on any guy who thinks otherwise. He’s in for a switcheroo.”

“What do you mean?”

“In the game of poly, straight male is basically the hardest setting you can play on. It’s kind of the opposite of normal privilege patterns,” I say.

“So the extra sex?”

“It takes some doing,” I say. “And meanwhile, they’re likely gonna see their female partner overwhelmed with takers and rejecting offers.”

“Oh shit,” he says. “Just like monogamous online dating.”

“Exactly. Except he’s going to be sitting alone while she’s out on the town.”

“Huh,” he says. “Never thought about that. What about evening the odds?”

“How?” I ask.

“Well, what if you can only date people together, as a couple? A package deal.”

“Ah yes,” I say. “Unicorn hunters. That’s even harder in some ways.”

“Unicorn what?”

“A unicorn is a bi woman who will date both of halves of a couple,” I explain.

“Awww yeah,” he says. “That’s what I’m talking about! Living the dream. That sounds perfect. What’s so hard about that?”...


...“Wow,” he says. “So poly women really do have a lot of power.”

I nod. “Polyamory is a matriarchy.”

The whole article, to bookmark (December 20, 2016).

She didn't get around to one of the movement's in-group tropes: It's the men who first drag their reluctant women into this poly idea, then when their fantasy turns real they freak and can't handle it, and the women take over and make it work.




Anonymous Pompaneedle said...

There's more to it than women having an advantage because they're in short supply. IME there are just as many women in the poly scene as men. Thing is, any scene where personal agency and autonomy *really are* paramount -- for everybody -- the scene is *inherently* feminist. Like by definition. So, women gravitate to it, and to leadership roles in it.

December 25, 2016 2:24 PM  

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