"Polyamory, non-monogamy and swinging – what are they and are they right for you?"
From the BBC World News yesterday to the lowbrow mass-transit Metro today, UK media are on a tear about polyamory. Tomorrow comes a big piece in The Guardian. But first, currently on UK Metro's website (excerpts):
Polyamory, non-monogamy and swinging — what are they and are they right for you?
Sometimes, three isn’t a crowd (Picture: Irene Palacio for Metro.co.uk)
By Miranda Kane
...While I’m sure my poly friends have happy moments in their relationships, I always see a lot of posts on Facebook and other social media sites where I just think the whole thing looks exhausting.
But then I watch married friends and think the same.
Basically, I think I’ve already talked myself into keeping the very happy relationship I currently have with my cat, my sofa and Netflix.
But if you’re interested in the sea of possibilities when it comes to this brave new world, then here is a quick guide to what’s what....
...If someone describes themselves as non-monogamous, it doesn’t automatically mean they’re a player.
But it could.
...It’s OK to be non-monogamous, but it’s not OK to lead someone on. ...
Polyamorous relationships are a lot more committed, and the poly community was recently celebrating the news that three gay men were allowed to marry legally [sic].
It’s not always heteronormative or heterosexual. You might have a boyfriend who has a boyfriend, while you also have a girlfriend who has a boyfriend and a husband, who is going out with a non-gender conforming individual.
Sometimes all parties communicate with each other, sometimes not.
...It takes full support and trust from everyone involved, which is kind of why it’s nice. Wouldn’t we want that from any relationship?
But also, like any relationship, it takes a lot of hard work and communication....
Speaking as someone who can barely open my Google calendar without breaking into a cold sweat, I think the logistics alone put me off.
I cannot tell you how many times I have had this conversation with one side of a long-term couple.
‘I just think we need something else. I thought about an open relationship.’
‘So you want to see other people?’
‘I think so, but I love my partner so I’d always come back to them.’
‘And what about if they started to see other people?’
‘…we’d have to talk.’
Open relationship seems to have become the umbrella term for ‘I’m bored and need something else, but I don’t want to let go of this lovely comfy blanket I have.’
...Who knows, by actually talking to them you might stumble upon why you’re unhappy in the first place.
The red-headed stepchild of the ‘non-monogamy’ family.
I’ve found a lot of serious polyamorous families like to steer their ship far away from the ‘swingers’ title.
I can’t blame them, as the two are very different.
And yet… it’s just fun!
When I’ve asked my friends if they’ve ever gotten a visit from the Green Eyed Monster, It’s always been fascinating to hear how they’ve overcome it, and that’s only if they’ve identified with being jealous at all.
Sometimes, when they’ve taken the plunge, they’ve realised they’re a stronger person for it. Sometimes they’ve realised it’s cemented a relationship. Sometimes they’ve realised it’s just not for them.
Everyone is different, and maybe that why we should be more open to having relationship with even more people.
The whole article (July 22, 2017).