Sexplorations: "Thoughts for Another Day"

Columbia Spectator

A lot of polyfolk are middle aged and up; I've heard it suggested (by them) that it takes several years as a grownup to learn to handle just one serious intimate relationship well, much less two or more that are in complex interaction.

Nevertheless, semi-polyamory of a sort is the rule among many college students, as this writer describes (a bit confusedly) in the "Sexplorations" column of the Columbia University Spectator for January 23, 2006:

Monogamy, or the lack thereof — otherwise known as polyamory, non-monogamy, and my personal favorite, the "open relationship" — is the hot issue of the day.... So naturally the whole world is confused. Redbook strongly believes "being open and honest means acting responsibly and maturely, not like a self-indulgent kid who wants to have his cake and eat it too!" New York lauds the "new monogamy ... as a sign of the times and our evolution." Betty Dodson, "the mother of masturbation," just possibly the queen of sex, and my latest personal hero — and undoubtedly in the public eye — has been happily involved in an open relationship for the last five-plus years....

...In a sense, monogamy is the framework within which sex gains its emotional value: after all, monogamy goes hand in hand with the "college-marriage." Non-monogamy often has the reverse effect: we often sleep with several people at once simply to convince ourselves we're not developing feelings for anyone in particular.

It's hard to say which is the greater social construct: monogamy or the open relationship. Monogamy is certainly no longer guaranteed. But is monogamy merely a social ideal that would otherwise not exist? Is the open relationship the true and honest commitment? Or does the open relationship, "the notion that being with others is acceptable as long as you're truthful with each other afterward, grossly [disregard] the fact that it will still be hurtful," as Redbook blindly preaches? If monogamy doesn't signify commitment anymore, then what does?

Read the whole article. There's a form at the end to submit a letter to the editor. They need to get some letters from good poly people setting them straight about the need for honesty and integrity beforehand, not "afterward" — and about what "signifies commitment."