"Table for Three"

The Stranger (Seattle)

The Stranger, an edgy alternative weekly newspaper in Seattle (one of the world's great poly centers), ran an interview with a happy equilateral triad in its issue for Feb. 23 - Mar. 1, 2006. Excerpts:

How do you handle inter-triad jealousy? What about jealousy about partners outside the triad?

Jennifer: I honestly do not know the last time I felt jealousy with Jim or Allena. When faced with jealousy from outside of our family relationship, it usually stems from me not having enough information to feel safe.

Allena: When I feel jealous, it usually means that a need of mine is not being met. It's my responsibility to figure out what that need is and get it met. My jealousy belongs to me and it's inappropriate to give it to anyone else.

Jim: Whenever it pops up for me, I just have to wait, and it all evens out.

What makes being poly something positive for you?

Jennifer: It allows each person to be someone uniquely special to me. I'm not interested in being everything to one person, and you don't have to be everything to me.

Allena: Poly isn't easy and it isn't for everyone. It means that you have to be able to share. However, it's the most amazing life anyone could have. I feel so blessed, and I couldn't dream of being any other way.

Jim: It gives all three of us an opportunity for joy that we could get no other way.

Read the whole interview.

Incidentally, I have a semantic bone to pick. The interviewer defines a "triad" as a relationship in which all three sides are sexually intimate, as opposed to a vee. No way. I know people in vees as far as sexual contact goes who, for years, have been deeply committed all around as a triad. And they would take great offense at not being considered such. Let's get the words straight: both "equilateral" and "vee" are subsets of "triad," if the people forming the wings of a vee feel like family. Poly is not defined by who’s having sex.