When you meet an FGO
The Stranger (Seattle)
Here's more voice-of-experience poly wisdom from Seattle columnist Mistress Matisse (May 23, 2007).
Read the whole article.
Here's more voice-of-experience poly wisdom from Seattle columnist Mistress Matisse (May 23, 2007).
...Even when you're all committed to multiple love relationships, there are stumbling blocks. One that Max and I had to cope with is what happens when you don't get along with your partner's other lover.
Once upon a time, Max met a woman who I'll call Anna. She seemed like a perfectly charming person, and I gave Max my consent to begin a relationship with her. But over time, it turned out that Anna and I had vastly different ways of looking at the world — in short, she started getting on my nerves. First a little and then, over time, a lot.
You've heard the phrase "a growth opportunity"? In my circle, we call something like this an FGO, which stands for "fucking growth opportunity."...
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Labels: Seattle
2 Comments:
Very timely. I am going through something very similar right now. The big mistake I made was continually forcing myself to accept her into our relationship as a triad as things just got worse and worse for me. Finally, I had to face the same reality: Thanksgiving dinner? Ok. All three in bed together: No way.
Carolyn,
One of my favorite sayings is, "If Rule #1 of polyamory is 'Communicate, communicate, communicate,' then Rule #0 is 'Let your relationships be what they are.' " (per Franklin Veaux).
Another way of putting it: You can encourage a relationship to grow closer, but you can't force it. This is okay. Let it find its natural level and accept it there.
Even in a very close-knit poly group, no two relationships are alike, and no two develop at the same speed. And this is okay.
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