"Why I Hate Monogamy"

OpenSalon

Sirenita Lake's long, fiesty essay, celebrating 23 years in an open marriage that she says has worked great in every way, got an Editor's Pick to grace the June 5th cover page of Open Salon:

...I know the objections and stereotypes. “You must have low self-esteem.” No, I’ve always liked myself and expect to be treated well. “Sex isn’t as sweet when you know he has other women.” Yes, it is, and there’s a reason he gets the girls. “He will never quite trust you knowing that you might be with another man.” Yes, he will, because there is no jealousy and no lies. “You are not truly committed to your marriage because you allow others into your lives sexually.” We are very committed; our so-called “open” marriage is not really open to anyone else. We’ve had more than our share of challenges and would not be together today if our marriage didn’t matter a great deal to us. “You can’t avoid jealousy and its corrosive effects.” Yes, you can; it all depends on the interpretation you choose to put on your partner’s sexual autonomy. If you don’t believe you’ve been done wrong, you won’t feel hurt. If you don’t believe that other people are better than you, you won’t feel jealous or threatened. “That might work for you but not for most people.” Monogamy isn’t working for a lot of people, either. It might be time to change attitudes.

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