Polyamory in the News!
. . . by Alan M.



August 22, 2010

The Clueless

Albany Times-Union

A newspaper columnist in Albany, NY, doesn't get it:


Open relationships

By Amanda Talar

During a conversation I was having with Kelly a couple days ago, she was telling me about a married couple she is acquaintances with that have an “open relationship”. They agree that they are allowed to have sex with other people, and no consequences involving their relationship will arise as a result. Maybe it’s because I’m single, or somewhat old-fashioned, or a hopeless romantic…or maybe I’m just naive — but, what in the world of all that is relevant, is the point of this?

...I just think that if you want to have sex with various people, then why don’t you remain single? Then you can have sex with as many people as you wish. Why be in a relationship at all and why, oh why…get married? I suppose you could say people fall in love, get married and then decide they want an open relationship, but…I say that’s just too bad. That’s how I feel. While I’m not saying “Yay, divorce is awesome!”, I am saying that if you need to make an agreement that one or both of you can sleep with other people in order for your marriage to work, then maybe divorce is the lesser of two evils....


Read the whole article (Aug. 20, 2010) and join the comments. The polys there are valiant but outnumbered.

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9 Comments:

Blogger Natja's Natterings said...

Wow, ignorant much? With 104 comments I hardly see the point in commenting but the last time I said that you told me to comment anyway,so I will but wow....I hope she posts a retraction of her ignorant, narrowminded view point...oh yeah, I know, pigs....fly...

August 22, 2010 7:47 AM  
OpenID brynndragon said...

How that article sounds to me:

"I just don't understand keeping Kosher. I mean, if you're not going to eat pork why not just be a vegetarian? Then you can eat all the dairy you want! But if you've decided that eating beef is fine you might as well have some bacon rather than be a meat hypocrite."

August 22, 2010 8:44 AM  
Blogger phrannie said...

why marry?? considering all the benefits that the government bestows on ONLY married couples - inheritance, hospital visits by immediate family, children's benefits, health insurance perks ONLY for spouses, tax benefits, lifetime declaration of love and unity, etc - can you tell me why two people who love each other should NOT get married for this??

is it because of the sex issue?? since when does having sex with several people mean you are NOT entitled to all the benefits listed above? is it because the government should decide who gets benefits by making sure a penis and a vagina are mutually exclusive with each other ONLY??? really, it's only a few steps away from having cameras installed on people's genitalia just to make sure there is nothing non-monogamous going on. remember, it was not that long ago (and still exists in some places) that oral sex, regardless of whether you were monogamously married or not, was considered illegal enough to put people in jail. this person clearly feels more comfortable with those constraints. that's a much sicker kink, my ignorant, close minded non-friend.

August 22, 2010 2:07 PM  
Anonymous Angi said...

I commented, though it feels a bit like a Sisyphean task sometimes...

August 22, 2010 2:36 PM  
Blogger NZLG - Zshar-Ptitsa said...

Yea, there was no way I was going to try to put a point in there. Thats ok, I just dont get Monogamy. Granted, IM not going to sit back and say its disgusting and that the people involved are trying to claim ownership of their partners. That would be stooping to their level.

August 23, 2010 8:32 AM  
Blogger malleron said...

Judging by the hair-flippy way the author of the article just announces her personal preferences without even a pretense of reasoned justification, it sounds like this is just a troll's bid for more clicks. And because of that taint, I can't say as I blame fellow polys for refraining to comment. I wouldn't comment, either, because she doesn't present a legitimate argument. Anything I'd add from a poly perspective would just sail down the black hole she's created with her sad little controversy bomb.

August 23, 2010 10:18 AM  
Anonymous Angi said...

I think it's amusing that she (and her defenders) are saying that she's just sharing her personal feelings, not trying to tell anyone else what to do. What in the world is "if you want to have sex with various people, then why don’t you remain single? Then you can have sex with as many people as you wish. Why be in a relationship at all and why, oh why…get married? I suppose you could say people fall in love, get married and then decide they want an open relationship, but…I say that’s just too bad." if not telling other people what they should do?

Anyway, I said my bit, and now I'm holding back from engaging in any kind of back and forth debate, tempting though it may be.

August 23, 2010 3:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Angi, I find this comment by Amanda particular telling about her motivations:

“I personally believe people should only get married for one reason. Every other reason is a poor excuse and/or weakness.” (comment 74)

To me, that sounds like almost every other argument I've heard when someone wants to do something they disagree with.

Also, her comment about the sex toy ads on Jenny Blocks website implies a certain about of sex-negativity.

August 24, 2010 12:04 PM  
Blogger Natja's Natterings said...

Hummm, yes Anon, that struck me as pretty sex negative also.

August 24, 2010 3:55 PM  

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