A black women's magazine explains poly relationships

Madame Noire

An online black women's magazine ("the latest in fashion trends, black entertainment news, parenting tips and beauty secrets") asks, "Are Some People Really “Polyamorous” or Just Plain Greedy?"

The article uses the reality show "Sister Wives," which just began its second season (see my post about its poly-relevance), as the jumping-off point:

By Toya Sharee

If you’ve ever tuned in to the TLC network’s reality show “Sister Wives” then you’ve witnessed the trials and tribulations that can occur when one person’s love and affection has to be equally distributed between four in a marriage. It’s hard enough to maintain a healthy relationship between two people, so you can only imagine the drama that can ensue when the complex emotions of three other people are added to the mix.

...Although monogamy is a widely accepted relationship style across mankind, within the animal kingdom…not so much.

...What ends up true for most of us, though, is that we kiss a couple frogs before we get our prince, and our dating behavior is more consistent with serial monogamy than it is traditional monogamy.

...What is the difference between polyamory and an open relationship? Who the hell would want to even be in a polyamorous relationship? The only experts that are qualified to give the answers to these questions are the partners within the relationship. They set and define the guidelines in the relationships by clear and effective communication.

The difference between [this lifestyle] and infidelity is the amount of knowledge held by the partners. Infidelity usually occurs when one partner has little or no knowledge that the other is sharing time, affection, emotion or participating in sexual relations with someone else. It’s when one person feels the relationship is exclusive and the other isn’t acting accordingly. It’s important that partners communicate about the boundaries of the relationship and are honest and realistic about its future, whether that includes the next year or only the next day.

More and more Americans are choosing traditionally unconventional relationship styles and customizing them in a way that directly compliments and enhances their lifestyles. Many of them find themselves in a daily defense against labels and stereotypes that are often associated with any relationship style that doesn’t involve commitment to one person wrapped in a wedding bow. Here are a few myths and facts to help you look past the judging and focus on the loving.

Each of the following comes with a paragraph of explanation:

1. Myth: The main goal of dating for most people is to eventually find the person they will marry.

2. Myth: Everyone wants to be in love and have a relationship, even if they say or act as if they don’t.

3. Myth: Only commitment-challenged people or nymphos choose polyamory.

4. Myth: Open relationships are for “freaks” or women who are afraid of losing a partner so they choose to settle for someone who claims they are incapable of being faithful.

5. Myth: Polyamory is a flawed relationship style because jealousy is a natural emotion.

6. Myth: Polyamory is just “swinging” with a socially palatable label.

7. Myth: Finding “The One” is a simple definition of traditional monogamy.

Read the whole article (March 18, 2011).

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