"First Time for Everything: Dating a Couple"
People sharing stories like this one are gradually changing the world. The popular online magazine The Frisky ("Love. Life. Stars. Style.") just published this:
First Time For Everything: Dating A Couple
By Chloe Monroe
I met Greg through a dating website and we talked online and then on the phone for about a week. I was very hesitant because I had never tried online dating before, and also because of one very glaring fact: Greg was in a four-year relationship with Jen.
No, he wasn’t on a cheating website. He was looking for another partner because he and Jen are polyamorous and they often maintain more than one relationship at once.
I asked a lot of questions. Polyamory wasn’t something I’d ever considered trying....
[Greg and I] got pizza, talked, and ended the night with kissing. It was one of the most normal (and frankly boring) first dates I’ve ever been on.... I left before eleven o’clock, feeling a bit of a thrill at the thought of meeting his girlfriend. Just to meet her, of course. Ask her questions, collect data. To explore this new relationship model in a way that would make Kinsey proud.
...Jen was very different from how I had imagined her.... I felt like a nervous 14-year-old boy trying to figure out how to introduce himself to a girl at a school dance. Luckily, she gave me a quick handshake and from there, we clicked famously. The three of us spent the rest of the night talking and joking, and I lost track of time.
The next day, Jen and I spoke in private.
“Greg and I are not a boxed set,” she surprised me by saying. “I find you very attractive, but I want you to make the decision to be with us or just with him.”...
Some days later:
That night, well fed and relaxed, I felt very happy and slowly it dawned on me.
This felt so normal. So right. So — not deviant at all.
Read the whole story (Oct. 13, 2011). Here are other articles The Frisky has run touching on polyamory.
"Slowly it dawned on me. This felt so normal. So right. So — not deviant at all." How many times I've heard people say this, since I first experienced it myself!
This is partly why I think poly is no modern invention but something that has been deep-rooted in human nature all along — something that we suppressed or lost track of. That, of course, is pretty much the thesis of Sex at Dawn (now available in paperback), which collects evidence from anthropology and human physiology to make a case for what I thought I grokked from the beginning.
Not that you can rely on your instincts to make it work, however! It's a huge help to study up on the experience and wisdom of others, and apply consciousness and reason to what you do accordingly that's where modernity really does make things different. As food for thought, you can start with Franklin Veaux's Guide to Dating a Couple.
(Off topic: That threesome feet photo? It just showed up in a real estate ad for an "ultra hip" condo development in Victoria, BC. Remarks a commenter, "We are everywhere, bwahahah!")