"Why I Won't Bow To Monogamy"
"Black America has a fierce attachment to monogamy, as our religious and cultural roots shun the idea of polyamory, which is the practice of having more than one open relationship at a time," writes a columnist in Ebony, the best-known African-American magazine (circulation 1.2 million). She argues that it's time to consider the matter more widely.
Why I Won't Bow To Monogamy
'You and me' isn't the only way to experience real love.
By Arielle Loren
...Between Disney movies and beloved Huxtable-like family shows, the media has fed Americans the same message: monogamy is attainable and something we all should strive for. But with startling divorce rates and monogamy-attempting couples struggling with infidelity, reality tells a different story. It reaffirms that indeed human beings are not biologically constructed to be monogamous. And perhaps, we ought not be so quick to shun our natural tendencies.
...Kenya K. Stevens, CEO of JujuMama LLC, author, and love coach, provides an alternative perspective. “Open marriages are relationships that encourage fearless, authentic, living, and the ability to show up in a relationship as a real person. Open relating moves us beyond guilt, shame, insecurity and jealousy, the same things that plague and often end monogamous marriages,” she explains.
If you talk to polyamorous couples and singles, you’ll find that sexual variety is just one of the many attributes of an open relationship. The core of the practice is built on forming loving, supportive bonds between individuals that deeply care about one another’s happiness.
Sounds beautiful, right? But can it really work?
Stevens and her husband, Carl, have been married 17 years, 6 of which they’ve practiced an open marriage. She continues, “We enjoy our open marriage because the openness entails being able to show up authentically with one another. We do not feel the need to keep even our most private thoughts to ourselves as other couples might. We have decided that nothing matters more than being real with one another, telling the truth, being fearlessly honest. We are committed for life, yet we enjoy friendships, and partnerships, both sexual and non-sexual with other human beings beyond just the two of us.”
Apart from the outside partnerships, it sounds like the same type of happiness that most monogamous couples are striving to experience. The Stevens’ have three children, and have built a life teaching couples how to achieve both authentic monogamous and polyamorous relationships....
Read the whole article (Jan. 30, 2012). Here's more on Kenya and Carl Stevens.
Six days earlier, a different columnist argued against open marriage.
Labels: polys of color