"I Quit Polyamory Because I Fell In Love With A Man"
I've always said I'm a poly-mono switch, so I'm not bothered by people moving from one identity to the other. A few hours ago the popular online women's magazine xoJane published, in its "It Happened to Me" section, a story with the title above.
Remember, what we're about is relationship choice. She seems happy with hers.
It Happened To Me: I Quit Polyamory Because I Fell In Love With A Man
Maybe all I can really take away from my experience is that you just never know what’s going to stumble into your life and change it completely.
...I’d been doing what some people call serial monogamy for years, and I knew that it wasn’t good for me....
...It wasn’t too long after that that a friend of mine, a girl I’d had a crush on for years, told me that she was in a polyamorous relationship with a couple....
...I became very active in the poly community, helping to run and organize events. I made a lot of friends through that, some of whom I’m still really close with. I was dating a man and a woman, both fairly seriously, when I met the man I can only describe as my soul mate. I know that terms like that are cheesy as hell, and I’m sorry to use it, but how else do you describe the person that, after two dates, you want to tell all of your darkest, most painful secrets to? Whom you trust absolutely? Who seems to understand you in a way that is completely unexpected, and just as completely wonderful? Seriously, I’m asking.
...Now, I don’t want this to come across as some kind of critique of polyamory.... It made me more open about my needs and a better communicator. It also helped me get over my lingering social anxiety. I’m still a fairly introverted person, but I’m not scared of social situations the way that I used to be, and I can only be grateful about that. I’m also really grateful to the people within that community, who are, by and large, friendly, thoughtful, engaging, and generous with their time and advice.
...There is a certain sense of scorn in the poly community for knights, the (usually) men who think that the (usually) women in the community are just waiting for the right guy to come along and rescue them. That’s a sentiment that I still agree with, to a certain extent. Polyamory is a totally valid choice, and to assume that someone is only practicing it because they haven’t met the right person yet is, frankly, wrongheaded.
On the other hand, sometimes I wonder if maybe I wasn’t waiting for that very thing....
Read the article (April 21, 2014).
I know what you're thinking. "She's young, she'll get over it." Maybe, but that reminds me of what my mother said years ago when I told her I was living with two lovers.