"5 Lessons Monogamous Families can Learn from Polyamorists"

Psychology Today blogs


Here's a new article by Elisabeth Sheff, author of The Polyamorists Next Door and the forthcoming Stories from the Polycule:

5 Lessons Monogamous Families can Learn from Polyamorists

Because polyamorous relationships can be intense and complicated, the people who engage in them over the long term put a lot of time, effort, and thought into developing strategies to help their relationships last and survive hardship. While polyamory itself is certainly not for everyone, these strategies can be useful for people in all sorts of relationships. Divorced parents and others in blended families will find them especially relevant.

1. Communicate Honestly

...Even when communicating about difficult things that feel less positive, polys use the strategies of telling the truth and being willing to tolerate the conflict in order to work through the problem as tools to sustain their relationships over time.

2. Don’t Leave Too Soon....

3. Don’t Stay Too Long....

...People can choose to view their relationships as good for what worked for whatever period of time that was, and then [it was] time to move on when they no longer met the needs of the people involved. In other words, the end can just be an end, or even transition to a new kind of relationship.

4. Be Flexible, Allow for Change....

...If the ways in which the relationship has been going so far are not working, then trying something else can be quite effective. This can mean shifting expectations and letting go of former patterns, which can be both invigorating and frightening....

5. De-Emphasize Sexuality

...The end of sex does not have to mean end of relationship. Remaining friends is a real choice, and especially important when people have had children together....

Read the whole article (Sept. 29, 2014).

P. S.: Sheff and her new publishers (the Thorntree Press folks) are still seeking your polyfamily's true stories — long or short, text or art — for Stories from the Polycule. The deadline for submissions is October 15. More info.

Her previous article at the Psychology Today site was Seven Forms of Non-Monogamy.

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