"When I Say I Hate Monogamy, What I Really Mean Is..."

This morning comes a reminder that you display poor values and an unevolved mind when you diss people who choose monogamy as their preferred relationship style. The key word, of course, is "choose."

Louisa Leontiades is a prolific writer on life issues, poly, and feminism and is working on a new edition of her memoir The Husband Swap for Thorntree Press. Her newest piece just made it onto HuffPost/ U.K.:

When I Say I Hate Monogamy, What I Really Mean Is...

Actually I've never come right out and said I hate monogamy. But through viral articles like 'My Problem with Monogamy', it's easily inferred.

But monogamy is not something I hate.... I hate that it's more or less an enforced binary structure — to be single and dating, or together and exclusive. I hate that there are plenty of people who don't actively consent to monogamy, who are not happy in monogamy, but through society pressure and lack of information, unwittingly follow the prescribed norm hoping for that elusive happy ever after. I hate that so many monogamous people think I am, and treat me like, a second class citizen just for choosing polyamory. I hate that blinded by their own prejudices, they choose not to educate themselves in alternatives or believe me when I say that monogamy is not for me. That they think they know best for me, or view me as someone to be fixed....

I know several happy couples who are monogamous and are also my very good friends... they treat me with respect. I like them because they discuss with me for hours on end, the complexities of my lifestyle trying to learn what implications my choices might have for them as I learn more about why they choose monogamy. I like them because they teach their kids that freedom, voice and consent is important. I like them because they examine their own motivations for their actions....

When you first enter into the world of polyamory, you meet many people who have thought carefully about issues like gender, break-up, sexuality and conflict.... In general, polyamorous people have been forced to consider these things much more than your average monogamous person because they're questioned about it, time after time....

There are some activists who elevate polyamory by bashing monogamy. I don't like that.

I dislike even more that I've done it myself....

Read on. (Article published December 12, 2014).

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