Two new articles from South Africa
These two pieces in the South African media come by way of Greenfizzpops, longtime SA poly-community organizer.
By Jade Zwane
...There are existing and successful models of relationships with people having more than one partner. This is popularly known as polyamory.
Put simply, polyamory is the practice of having more than one intimate relationship at the same time with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved.
The boundaries of these relationships are varied and depend on the parties involved....
Like any successful relationship, trust, ongoing openness and honesty are essential in polyamorous relationships. Consensual non-monogamous relationships try to avoid a break of trust and dishonesty by giving all parties involved a platform to vocalise their needs, be they sexual, emotional or otherwise.
Communication is emphasised to manage any jealousy and feelings of being excluded. It is natural to assume that people in polyamorous relationships are unfulfilled or dissatisfied with their primary partner. This is not true. The multiple relationships are independent of each other. One study showed that a person averaged nine years with their primary partner and two and a half years with their secondary one.
The arrangement does not dispense with commitment. Polyamorous relationships can last a long time, are committed to the various partners, and are stable and formal or clearly defined. The only area where extensive research has not been done is the effect of this relationship on children.
But early research has shown that polyamory doesn’t have to negatively affect the offspring of such relationships.
I’m not saying polyamory is better than monogamy — neither is better. It is important to know the options available to us before making such long-term commitments. I lived in a non-monogamous commune for three months in San Francisco in 2012. The couples seemed more fulfilled and genuinely happy. Everything was discussed at great length....
Read the whole article (Jan. 25, 2015).
And at The Daily Planet ("to bring you the best of the web"):
Wicked Wednesday: The lowdown on polyamory
By Lolita Nzito
The face of dating in 2015 is significantly different from what it was a few years back, at least from where I stand. I discuss dating a lot on social media and with friends. As I draw closer to being a woman in my late twenties, I cannot help but look back at how my views on sex, dating and love have altered over the years. From leaving a marriage, to being in a polyamorous union, and exploring the limits of my depraved mind through BDSM, I can truly say I’ve explored a lot more than the average person in their late twenties, yet it only feels like the beginning.
I love. You love. We love. (Pic: Wikipedia)
To have to explain why I am not monogamous, and the challenge of finding someone who ticks the very many boxes means that my dating options are severely limited. Polyamory, especially, is the one topic that raises eyebrows and many people cannot seem to wrap their heads around the idea of having multiple partners who know about each other and are OK with it.
I have come (hehe) across many who have claimed to be polyamorous but really just want to cheat on their partners. If your partner doesn’t know about the other person, it isn’t polyamory, it’s cheating. There are certain elements of the poly lifestyle that are confusing, so let me briefly explain two things that polyamory is not....
...In an age where sex positivity is encouraged but often misunderstood, it is important to be completely honest if you’re considering getting into a poly relationship. There’s nothing wrong with admitting that you’re monogamous, and being in a poly arrangement simply doesn’t work for you. It may be difficult if your partner doesn’t feel the same, but openness means you have a choice to stick around and work through your feelings about polyamory or find someone who is monogamous.
Lolita Nzito is a twenty-something year old kinkster, whose love language is books.
The whole article (Feb. 4, 2015).
Greenfizzpops maintains the South African Polyamory website, which lists 23 poly-related print articles and 7 radio interviews (scroll down to the "Local media articles related to polyamory" link) that have appeared in the South African media since 2003. Well done.
Labels: South Africa