"Polyamorists Assume the Missionary Position"

The Daily Beast

A Daily Beast regular writes about poly evangelism. None of the examples she quotes seem egregious to me (except for the 19th-century one), but I'm not the most objective judge.  :)

Remember — the overarching aim of our movement, as articulated by many activists and groups such as Loving More and the Polyamory Leadership Network, is relationship choice: the right to understand and live by your own relationship style, whether monogamous or open — and the responsibility to discuss this topic early, with honesty and transparency, with any potential partners. Who in turn have the right to seek partners in accord with their own needs and intentions.

Polyamorists Assume the Missionary Position

If you’re anti-monogamy [sic], a social movement awaits you. But are polyamory’s supporters too evangelical in their mission to convert the rest of us to their bed-hopping ways?

Dumb illustration: Sarah Rogers / The Daily Beast

By Emily Shire

“I’m probably the only little girl who fantasized about meeting her handsome prince and having him sweep her off her feet — and then falling in love with another guy,” Cunning Minx tells me with a laugh.

It’s a rosy, even wholesome way of framing her first childhood indications that she would ultimately identify with polyamory, a term Merriam-Webster defines as “the state or practice of having more than one open romantic relationship at a time.”

People who identify as polyamorous, like Minx — a sex educator who uses the pseudonym professionally, including for Poly Weekly, a podcast “devoted to tales from the front of responsible non-monogamy” — would likely pick a bone with that rather sterile definition.

According to the website for Loving More, the leading national support and advocacy group for the polyamorous community, “Polyamory refers to emotionally connected relationships openly involving three or more people. It is about honesty, integrity and respect.”

I would venture that most Americans would not be familiar with either of those definitions of polyamory. Many may not have even heard of the term.

Despite a Showtime reality television show and Loving More’s 25,000-strong database of members, polyamory is still a relatively unheard of relationship construct.

To those who have heard of polyamory, the concept is surrounded in stigma, often conflated with “swingers.”

In fact, proponents of polyamory (or just “poly” as it is colloquially referred to) are quick to point out sex with multiple people is by no means a requisite.

The term “polyamory” is “intended to differentiate emotionally connected relationships from simple coupling, casual dating around, or recreational sex,” according to the Loving More website.

Not that most of America is aware of these nuances....

In the same way that proponents of CrossFit and IUD’s love to preach their gospel, many in the polyamorous community have that same verve, passion, and, at times, a bit of a self-righteousness....

While he doesn’t think polyamory is for everybody, [Robert] McGarey certainly doesn’t think monogamy is either, and he wants to spread the gospel. In fact, he thinks the polyamorous view towards jealousy “could potentially radically transform American society.”

Poly proponents preach that the inevitable jealousy that results form dating multiple should not be ignored, but rather, owned, recognized, and studied to realize what deeper insecurity or problem is bothering you.

“Approach jealousy not as a terrible thing, but as a gift of self-awareness,” McGarey says....

Read the whole article (June 25, 2015).

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