Throuples vs. Threesomes; "What It’s Like To Be In A Three-Person Romance"

In the endless confusion of poly love vs. poly sex, HuffPost UK this morning offers some clarification for unaware newbies.

However, careless use of the word "equal" regarding three or more people always twinges me. Do you mean equal in respect, boundary-setting agency, and right to self-determination? Or equal in time allotted, expectations, and demands? Such as, God help us, demands for equal sex?

Throuple Relationships Vs Threesomes Explained: What It’s Like To Be In A Three-Person Romance

Spoiler: It’s not the same as a threesome.

Chris Garrett via Getty Images

By Rachel Moss, Lifestyle Writer at The Huffington Post UK

Romantic relationships are no longer restricted to two people. Around the world, an increasing amount of loved-up folk are choosing to live in a “throuple”.

“A throuple is an intimate, loving, equal relationship between a trio of people,” explains journalist and sex educator Alix Fox.

“It’s a play on the word ‘couple’, and indicates a close romantic bond shared by three human beings, rather than the more traditional two. [I prefer "triad" myself. –Ed.]

“Throuples may consist of three men, three women, or a mixture of genders.”

According to Fox, who presents The Guardian’s relationships podcast Close Encounters, a throuple is very different to a threesome, although in both cases, “three is the magic number”.

“To be clear, a threesome is a purely sexual encounter involving three individuals,” she elaborates.

“Two of them may be in a more committed long-term relationship with one another, or all three may just be — ahem — coming together to enjoy some casual fun, but in either case the emphasis in a threesome is primarily on erotic pleasure.

...In contrast, although a throuple may well have sex together, their relationship doesn’t only exist beneath the sheets.

“They’re practicing a form of ‘polyamory’ or ‘ethical non-monogamy’: that is, having a devoted, caring, involved relationship with more than one other person at the same time,” Fox says.

“For a throuple, it’s not just about shagging — it’s about sharing a special bond that extends beyond the bedroom.

According to Fox, throuples often begin as a pair who then meet and mutually fall for a third person. This was the case for Adam Grant and his boyfriend Shayne Curran....

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“I recently attended a brilliant afternoon gathering called Poly Coffee, which takes place every month at Coffee, Cake & Kisses – a London-based café that holds a variety of clubs and workshops aiming to get people talking constructively about sex and relationships,” she continues.

“At Poly Coffee, people who’ve been in non-monogamous arrangements for years meet with folks who are just starting to explore the lifestyle, and have a natter over a brew and a brownie.

“It’s not only a fantastic way to meet new friends and potential partners, but also to get tips on how to manage multi-member relationships...."

...“Honesty, openness, clarity and approachability are essential in poly relationships, and poly folk frequently say that they learn much more about themselves via intimately interacting with multiple people who know them deeply,” she says.

...On the flipside, people in throuples can sometimes feel as though they’re competing for affection, or they can experience jealousy if they think that one partner is receiving more attention than them....

The whole article (July 28, 2016).

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