Polyamory in the News: "I don’t care if you have anal sex with her, but a picnic just seems too intimate!"

Yes, this one's couple-centric in a gritty way, but couple-plus is the commonest poly model. One of New York's leading nightlife guides gives a good plug too for Open Love NY and its long-running monthly Poly Cocktails events, the prototype for all the Poly Cocktails that have sprung up in other cities.¹

Time Out New York (one in a multi-city chain) is a free weekly arts & entertainment magazine, print circulation 275,000, with a high-traffic website.

Is the article's print title a play on "Along Came Mary," or is my music getting old?

Thanks to Mischa Lin of Open Love NY for posting this photo.

NYC couples in open relationships tell all [the online title]

Monogamy is so 2015. We spoke to New York couples of a new breed—ethical nonmonogamists—about their love lives.

By Matthew Love

Try counting the number of times you or someone you know has recently come across the following on Tinder or other dating apps: a profile of a person who identifies as polyamorous or an ethical nonmonogamist. A lot, huh? From the massive, annual cuddle puddle that is Burning Man to OkCupid’s 2014 adoption of the “open relationship” designation, polyamory (roughly defined as intimate relationships involving more than two people, though its circumstances can vary widely) is slowly edging its way into the mainstream. According to this year’s annual survey Singles in America conducted by researchers at the Kinsey Institute, more than one in five people are currently or have been involved in an open relationship. What’s more, a poll of OkCupid users noted an uptick in interest regarding polyamory: In 2010, 42 percent of singles using the service would consider dating someone in an open relationship, while today more than 50 percent would....

...Advocacy group Open Love NY ... sponsors workshops and events including the increasingly popular monthly mixer Poly Cocktails. “On any particular night, we can draw upward of 500 people,” says Mischa Lin, VP and communications director of Open Love NY. “Cocktails go until midnight, but I usually peace out at 8:30pm because it gets so crowded!” And though poly culture is now more visible than ever, the different incarnations and iterations are as diverse as the city itself.

Monica Ramos

The players
Nicollette Barsamian, 25, and Jon Headlee, 30, Forest Hills, Queens

This pair brings a whole new edge to the meet-cute: Nicollette Barsamian’s friends left her in Jon Headlee’s arms outside of the party Dungeon X on Delancey Street, with a cagey, “You’re safe, right?” The two spent the night playing in the dungeon together until Barsamian choked a third person a bit too hard for their taste. (“She kind of has She-Hulk–like strength,” says Headlee.)... As far as managing judgment from peers, both are unconcerned and happy about how exciting their lives are in comparison to their contemporaries. “My first girlfriend ended up just marrying a cop and having kids,” says Headlee. “There’s an article about me in Hustler.”

The autodidacts
Logan Ford, 28, and Robert Reynolds, 37, Williamsburg

...When Logan Ford moved two hours away for undergrad, both parties knew they would need to embrace certain “freedoms” if the fledgling relationship were to survive. This was 10 years ago.... “When we first opened our relationship, there were tons of rules: never with these guys, not in these situations, blah, blah,” says Ford. ... “Now, it’s like, ‘Let’s trust one another’s good judgment.’ ” Both agree that they’ve blossomed in New York, not only as a couple but as a one that doesn’t mind other people knowing about their poly arrangement. ... “It’s just become so normal. At some point during our wedding reception, we said, ‘Let’s count all the guys at our wedding we’ve fucked around with. Oh, look, there’s a friend who had me in a sling recently, [now] having a conversation with my mom!’”

The latecomers
Carol, 46, and David, 44, West Village

“I don’t care if you have anal sex with her, but a picnic just seems too intimate!” That’s Carol, who describes herself as heteroflexible, talking to her partner, David. ... Intimacy boundaries were one of the difficulties (or in Carol’s parlance, “wonkies”) from their early days together. Neither he nor Carol had experienced a committed poly relationship until they found each other. While this open framework has provided them with what they say is the most honest relationship they’ve ever had, they also agree it’s taken time to, in David’s words, “re-engineer what we already know about committed, long-term relationships.” There have been moments of jealousy, of course, and both remember the first time they prepared for dates simultaneously. “It was like, ‘Intellectually, I know this is fine,’ but on the lizard-brain level, it wasn’t as easy,” admits Carol. ...