Another country heard from: Polyamory in Colombia

Some earnest polyfolks have launched the idea and the movement in Bogotá, apparently for the first time publicly. From this morning's Bogotá Post, "your English-language voice in Colombia":

Love is a Many-Splendoured Thing: Polyamory in Bogotá

By Roberta Hart

...When I meet Alba, Lois, and María, three of the coordinators behind the Poliamor Bogotá collective, I’m brimming with questions as this is a whole new world to me, and one I am very curious to explore. They discussed love, polyamory, the collective, and shared their views on the movement and this way of living relationships.

...Alba explains that, “the definition of polyamory, which comes from a new paradigm, can be seen from a macro perspective: the ideal of what you think a relationship should be.”

She continues, “It should be ethical, that means, something you think is right. It is consensual. In other words, that the people involved agree or have flexible agreements about the dynamics of the relationship and what is going to happen. These types of relationships are honest, meaning there is agreed and informed consent – you can’t give consent if you don’t know what you are agreeing to. And it needs to be responsible, both physically and emotionally, to yourself and towards others.”

An additional element that Poliamor Bogotá has added is that the relationship should be non-possessive, that means setting up agreements that do not go against other people’s freedoms.

This brings us neatly to more discussion about what polyamory is not, especially to debunk a few myths about it. ... Last year, when there was a story about a throuple (a term for a polyamorous relationship) in Medellín in the headlines [see roundup], Alba recalls that many people were saying ‘This now! What will be next? Marrying animals?’ ... Lois adds that “swinger practices are not polyamory either as these are merely sexual exchanges.” Lois adds, “Infidelity, for example, is not polyamory; some people come tell us a story and define themselves as polyamorous, but say their partner doesn’t know…”.

It was interesting to sit with three young professional women – a lawyer, a journalist and a psychologist – who work actively in this collective which seeks to raise the visibility and normalise the philosophy and practice of loving various people at the same time in a consensual, responsible, honest, and non-possessive way.

...Their [Facebook] page has reached 1,500 likes, and they have offered workshops which host some 80 people each time.

...The group meet up for Politinto sessions one Saturday every month. A politinto is the name the collective gives to the workshops, which discuss many aspects of polyamory and relationships in general over a relaxed coffee or beer. Lois admits that the first time she went, it took her a lot of courage to show up. She finally mustered the courage at the third politinto. She had started reading about polyamory, mostly from the ALA website (Amor Libre Argentina). “It was the first time in my life I felt I belonged; there were also other people who were wondering about the same issues, people who were living the same or who were searching for something similar; this has been a process of personal and collective construction which has been super important in my life.”

I’m pretty sure that Lois is not alone, so I ask how we can find out more about polyamory without going to a meeting. They recommend their webpage first and foremost. The page – poliamorbogota.weebly.com – has over 200 references that Alba has been collecting. The articles, which cover a range of topics, are all in Spanish, some are translations that people in the community have collaborated with.

There is extensive literature available elsewhere in English. The trio eagerly mention Terri Conley, a psychologist who has devoted her research to consensual non-monogamy; Norma Mogrovejo, a researcher who has also played a role in the development of a discourse around sexual diversity; and – best known to Colombians – sexologist Flavia Dos Santos. ...

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It started with the normal introductions and presentations. But you don’t have to give your real name if you don’t want to, and there is a central topic to each session. This time: jealousy. A few of us shared stories about feeling jealous and how we have dealt with it.

It was interesting to be at the table with people from many different backgrounds, all sharing their stories and views, aided by, in this case, a professional guide to understanding jealousy. The professional guide made people feel safe to open up and share ideas about relationships they wouldn’t otherwise open up about. It was a very enriching experience and Alba, María, and other collaborators make sure participants feel at ease during the session.

Like the relationships themselves, there are some ground rules to the sessions: Politintos are not an opportunity to, as they said in this particular session, ‘fish’ for a partner/s, pictures are not allowed as the most important thing is to have a safe place to talk, discuss and learn about these topics, and all ideas are shared respecting the personal space of others. ...

The whole article (March 22, 2018).

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Three men register their polyamorous marriage in Colombia. That doesn't mean they're legally married.

This story has been going all around the world for the last six days, but much of the reporting has been superficial or misleading.

Here, from Gay Star News, are the basics that you may have seen:

Three men have first polyamorous wedding in Colombia

'We wanted to validate our household... and our rights, because we had no solid legal basis establishing us as a family'

Victor Hugo Prada, John Alejandro Rodriguez, Manuel José Bermúdez. (Photo: Facebook / Manuel José Bermúdez Andrade)

By Shannon Power

Three gay men have become the first polyamorous relationship to be officially recognized in Colombia.

Victor Hugo Prada, an actor, ‘married’ sports instructor John Alejandro Rodriguez and journalist Manuel José Bermúdez in Medellin on Saturday. The thruple – three people in a relationship – signed legal documents with a solicitor officially recognizing their relationship.

The men have been in their polyamorous relationship – known as a trieja in Spanish – since 2013. They did have a fourth partner, 25-year-old Alex Esnéider Zabala. But Zabala died from stomach cancer in 2015.

‘When Alex died, we did not have any documents and it was a difficult process to reclaim his social security and assets. So these papers protects us against anyone who wants to make any claims of this kind,’ Prada told W Radio.

‘We are based on a matter of coexistence and solidarity. Here there are no powers, there are no roles, you have to negotiate. Here we all come under the same conditions.’

Bermúdez told Colombian media that they wanted to make their relationship official.

‘We wanted to validate our household… and our rights, because we had no solid legal basis establishing us as a family,’ he said.

‘This establishes us as a family, a polyamorous family. It is the first time in Colombia that has been done.’

LGBTI lawyer and advocate, German Rincon Perfetti, said the attention the thruple have received has been important for the visibility of polyamorous relationships. He said while many polyamorous couples [sic] exist in Colombia, the men’s was the first to be made official.

‘It is a recognition that other types of family exist,’ he told AFP.

Last year Colombia became the fourth country in South America to legalize same-sex marriage. Uruguay, Argentina and Brazil also have marriage equality.

The original (June 15, 2017).

Here's the catch. As the story reports, but does not explain, the three "officially registered" their relationship. This does not mean they are legally married. It means they swore out a document, and had it notarized and recorded, declaring themselves to be a family unit with shared finances. People can do this in Colombia, as in Brazil where polyfamilies have made world news by swearing out similar documents attesting to their "polyaffective union." These affidavits are intended to carry legal weight in determining rights such as inheritance and government benefits, and in the case of couples, they do.

In other words, the three have made a legal statement. The government has only recorded the statement. How much legal weight it will carry for a group of more than two remains to be tested.


A reporter for Queerty failed to get this:

I do, I do, and I do! These three men just got legally married to each other

By Graham Gremore

Actor Victor Hugo Prada and his two partners, sports instructor John Alejandro Rodriguez and journalist Manuel Jose Bermudez, just signed papers making them a legally married throuple.

...The papers were signed on Monday with a solicitor in the city of Medellin and establish the men as a family unit with inheritance rights.

They are the first legally recognized polyamorous family in Colombia.

Lawyer and gay rights activist German Rincon Perfetti tells the AFP [Agence France-Presse], “It is a recognition that other types of families exist.”

...Now that the papers have been signed, the trio says they’re planning a marriage celebration, which they promise will be an “artistic and cultural event.” Then, of course, comes the honeymoon!

Congrats to the happy trouple!

The whole article (June 14).


In contrast, the libertarian magazine Reason reported on their actual legal situation:

Colombia Sees First Gay Polygamous Marriage. Sort Of.

Three men declare themselves wed. It’s not clear if the government will recognize it.

By Scott Shackford

...If the authorities legally recognize their marriage, it will be a first for Colombia. But that's a big "if."

Western reporting indicates that the three men have signed legal papers with a lawyer in Medellin in an attempt to establish themselves as a family with inheritance rights. That's not the same as saying they are legally married, and Google Translate's version of the original news coverage from the Columbia-based Semana doesn't clear up the confusion. It's clear they've submitted a notarized document declaring themselves a family. It's unclear whether it's legally enforceable and whether a court will recognize it.

We do know they can't be punished for polyamory, and that may be driving some ambiguous reporting. Colombia struck down its laws criminalizing polygamous relationships in 2001. That's not the same as legally recognizing polyamorous marriages as valid. It just means you can't be arrested and imprisoned for it. ...

The whole article (June 15).


● The original Semana article in Medellín: Los tres maridos (June 11).

● In El Colombiano: Los 3 paisas que se casaron en notaría y formaron la primera “trieja” del país (June 12).

● Video of the three as they registered their relationship.


● Here's the Agence France-Presse article that went around the world: Colombia's first three-man marriage legally recognized (June 13).

● In the UK's Telegraph: Colombia gets first 'polyamorous family' as three men legally established as unit (June 13).

● In the UK's Daily Mail: I do, I do and I do! Colombia's first THREE-man marriage between a 'polyamorous family' is legally recognised (June 14).

● The UK Metro: Three men marry in first legally recognised ‘polyamorous wedding’ (June 14).

● Australia's Herald-Sun: Gay trio Victor Hugo Prada, Manuel Jose Bermudez and John Alejandro Rodriguez’s modern family recognised in Colombia (June 13).

● And many more.

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Update June 4, 2019: Medellin judge grants pension to polyamorous husbands

A court in Medellin, Colombia’s second largest city, has granted two husbands of a polyamorous relationship the split pension of their late partner, local media reported on Monday.

Manuel Bermudez and Victor Rodriguez, the two surviving members of the relationship between four, were initially denied pension rights after the death of their lover Alex Zabala from cancer in 2014, following 10 years of living together as a polyamorous family.

The Medellin court ordered the pension fund to retroactively pay the two men.

A third member of the family of four men was denied pension rights on claims he had only been with his partners for a year when Zabala died. ...

The decision was hailed by El Espectador as a victory for the LGBT community, a sentiment echoed by Bermudez.

In an emotional statement, he praised the ruling, deeming it a “recognition and worthwhile memory of the man we love and who loved us for ten years of his life”, and acknowledged the wider significance of the ruling.

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