Polyamory in the News!
. . . by Alan M.

May 23, 2007

When you meet an FGO

The Stranger (Seattle)

Here's more voice-of-experience poly wisdom from Seattle columnist Mistress Matisse (May 23, 2007).

...Even when you're all committed to multiple love relationships, there are stumbling blocks. One that Max and I had to cope with is what happens when you don't get along with your partner's other lover.

Once upon a time, Max met a woman who I'll call Anna. She seemed like a perfectly charming person, and I gave Max my consent to begin a relationship with her. But over time, it turned out that Anna and I had vastly different ways of looking at the world — in short, she started getting on my nerves. First a little and then, over time, a lot.

You've heard the phrase "a growth opportunity"? In my circle, we call something like this an FGO, which stands for "fucking growth opportunity."...

Read the whole article.



Blogger carolyn said...

Very timely. I am going through something very similar right now. The big mistake I made was continually forcing myself to accept her into our relationship as a triad as things just got worse and worse for me. Finally, I had to face the same reality: Thanksgiving dinner? Ok. All three in bed together: No way.

May 29, 2007 12:11 PM  
Blogger Alan said...


One of my favorite sayings is, "If Rule #1 of polyamory is 'Communicate, communicate, communicate,' then Rule #0 is 'Let your relationships be what they are.' " (per Franklin Veaux).

Another way of putting it: You can encourage a relationship to grow closer, but you can't force it. This is okay. Let it find its natural level and accept it there.

Even in a very close-knit poly group, no two relationships are alike, and no two develop at the same speed. And this is okay.

May 29, 2007 1:20 PM  

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