Polyamory in the News
. . . by Alan M.

March 12, 2008

"The new rules of polyamory"

Daily Metro (U.K.)

Today some 1.7 million Brits are getting a positive, lighthearted introduction to polyamory as they ride their subways and buses to work, courtesy of the Daily Metro, a tabloid paper that's distributed free on public transport systems.

Peter lives with his girlfriend, Joanne. He also has a boyfriend, Tom, who lives with Lucy, who also goes out with Peter. And Joanne goes out with all three. Keeping up?

...Peter, 36, met Tom, 40, and Lucy, 47, (already a couple) at a bisexual convention 11 years ago. 'All three of us were in a relationship until 2002, when we met Joanne. She then joined us.'

...How did they decide who lives with who? 'It just worked out that way,' says Peter. 'Tom and Lucy have always lived together and I live well with Jo. I often wonder what the neighbours make of us when we go back and forth all the time with food and the tumble dryer.' Erm, the tumble dryer?

'There's only one between us — actually it's Tom and Lucy's,' Peter laughs. 'And we're all quite affectionate in public so that probably confuses them, too.'

Aside from the odd twitching curtain, Peter says life is bliss and wonders why more people aren't doing the same. 'In the TV show, Lost, everyone's always asking if Kate will choose Jack or Sawyer. Why does she have to make a choice? Why can't they come to some sort of an arrangement?'

...Minx (her nickname) had a turbulent start to her new lifestyle [in the Chicago area]. 'I fell in love with a guy who is poly, so I had the choice of either adopting his lifestyle, which I always thought was a great idea — I just didn't have a word for it — or not dating him at all. I took the plunge. I made a lot of mistakes. We all did; him, his wife and me.'

The 39-year-old public speaker has recently reunited with another former boyfriend who now has two other partners. She says the green-eyed monster does tend to rear its head now and again. 'Some polys will choose to give a partner “veto power”, which means that partner has the right to reject a new partner,' Minx explains. 'But normally, if an incoming person causes ripples, the existing partners will talk. It's easier to deal with issues such as “I'm worried because she's prettier than me” or “I'm threatened because he has more money than me” than the ultimatum of “him or me”.'

The biggest downside is time; sometimes there just aren't enough hours in a day to give all your love to lots of other people. 'Love is infinite — time isn't,' says Minx. 'Most of us quickly find our “polysaturation point” — when we no longer have the time, attention or focus for new partners.'...

Read the whole article (March 12, 2008), and leave a comment there.

The world is gradually paying more attention to what we are up to. And despite the fears of many early polys, the results are mostly turning out to be good: more public understanding, acceptance, and even sympathy, rather than fear and persecution. We really had nowhere to go but up in this regard... so far... knock on wood.



Blogger Alan said...

I happened to get up very early this morning, caught this article on my Google news alerts, and hopped in to post the first commetn on the Daily Metro's site. Here it is:

"Excellent article. Though it's often not as easy as the article makes out. If you're already married, say, going poly shines a bright spotlight into every mouldy corner in the marriage that you've forgotten about. For some couples, exposing those corners is devastating; others get out a scraper and bucket of cleaner and have at it. Be prepared for tough relationship work -- but, for the right people, the rewards are so worth it!

"There's a vast literature about polyamory on the internet these days; read read read, and learn from others' mistakes. This is still frontier territory, but it's getting pretty well mapped compared to where it was 20 years ago. Study the maps before setting out.

March 12, 2008 1:32 PM  

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