Polyamory in the News!
. . . by Alan M.

August 15, 2014

Dan Savage apologizes to polyfolks

Dan Savage once had a rocky time with polys, starting with an ignorant little snark. Later it got better. Now he publishes a reader's letter and admits that yeah, he was an asshole back then.

Letter of the Day: Happy Anniversary

As a long time reader of yours, I've been gleefully awaiting this day for three years. You see, I am the unicorn part of a poly triad, and today marks the three year anniversary for myself, my husband, and my wife — we aren't legally married, of course, but our commitment ceremony was beautiful nonetheless....

So, Dan, it's with a certain degree of smugness that I ask: will you wish us a happy three year anniversary?

—Totally Reached It, Ability Doubter


You're doubtless referencing this asshole remark of mine [and here he quotes me! –Ed.]:

Savage, a long-partnered gay man who coined the word "monogamish" for his somewhat open relationship, used to snark at polys. He famously remarked that he'd been to poly multi-marriage ceremonies but never to a poly third-anniversary party. That prompted many long-term polyfamilies to speak up as counterexamples, jumping up and down to try to catch his attention.

You're not the first poly triad to let me know that they've made it to their leather anniversary, TRIAD, but I'm thrilled to hear from you nonetheless. Congrats and best wishes to you, your wife, and your husband.... But... technically speaking... my snark still stands, TRIAD: I have been to a few poly weddings but I've never been to a poly third-anniversary party. Still. I know they happen — yours is happening — but somehow I never seem to rate an invitation. Was it something I said?

Read the whole piece (Aug. 14, 2014).

A commenter comments, "I've never been to anyone's third anniversary party. Who the hell has third anniversary parties?"




Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe you were just speaking figuratively, but do you get invited to anyone's anniversary parties...aside from maybe 25ths or 50ths, etc? I celebrate mine privately with my SOs. Even my other loves don't get invited to my anniversaries, and I just celebrated a 10th. I'll have 3 others this year.

August 15, 2014 3:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That letter writer is a smug b*tch!

I reached three years as a Unicorn too, guess what? They still enforced their Couple privilege and kicked me to the curb when I got inconvenient to them, she should watch her back instead of looking to score points!

August 16, 2014 2:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We've invited him every year since our commitment ceremony seven years ago. Literally sent a paper invite. He's never shown up. Maybe I have a bad address, but....

August 16, 2014 9:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe our pentad should have a 20th anniversary party in a few years, and invite Dan...

August 18, 2014 2:19 PM  

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