More Valentine's Week poly coverage
A scattering of recent Valentine's Week stories not already noted. No claim of completeness.
● Starting off with a great one, the Philadelphia Weekly presents Plus 2: Being Poly (Feb. 10, 2016), by Timaree Schmit. (You may remember her from this fine piece last September.)
Polyamory, meaning “many loves,” is a type of ethical non-monogamy: you can have multiple relationships simultaneously and everyone involved knows and consents to it.
...Our current, limited definition of sexual orientation doesn’t describe much about desires or behavior. It says little about which male or female people you find attractive, what you want to do with them, the value you put on emotional connection, or how you conduct sexual relationships.
...For me, someone who identifies as bisexual, gender is the least of my concerns in potential partners.... So summarizing my sexual orientation as “just” bisexual is wildly inadequate.
...Not everyone who practices polyamory considers it to be an orientation, some folks just end up in complex situations or grow into the practice. But for some of us, being poly is as intrinsic as attraction to men or women.
...Lynne, a member of the Philly based group Polydelphia, says “Poly was my relationship orientation before I was aware of it.”...
Another Polydelphia member, Kate, had just broken up with two boyfriends she’d been dating simultaneously when she found a passage in the book Polyamory: Another Lifestyle that resonated with her [I've never heard of this book and can't find it on Amazon or elsewhere. –Ed.] . “Suddenly, in a flash, nothing was wrong! Everything made sense. And it was so simple: I had been a polygamous woman all my life, trying to fit myself into a mold that neither fit me nor my perception of the times I was living in.”
...Is there a genetic basis for poly orientation? No one has specifically studied that.... Perhaps the question is irrelevant: crushes develop from exposure as much as wiring. All desires are determined by genetic proclivity combined with lived experience.... For me, it’s the acknowledgment that I can fully be into multiple people simultaneously and that sexual exclusivity is not required for a relationship to be vitally important....
Polyamory is having a moment
Mainstream media are covering it with gusto, some with a “lookee here” vantage, others contemplating what there might be to learn from a lifestyle so contingent on honest communication. I don’t consider it a trend so much as a game changer. One day we’ll look back on the emergence of poly the same way we looked at being gay in the 90s. The real question is what part of sexual orientation will be next.
● On the website of SBS, Australia's public broadcasting service, How the polyamorous celebrate Valentine's Day (Feb. 13):
By Shami Sivasubramanian
...People who choose the polyamorous lifestyle vary from dating a few people in exclusion, to being in a group of people who date each other collectively. Sometimes it's a combination of the two.
...In terms of sex, pop culture has helped us understand all the nitty-gritty logistics. But when it comes to romantic love in polyamory, the concept still eludes us.
...To better understand the romantic logistics of this less conventional form of dating, we spoke to three people about their experiences, especially when it comes to celebrating Valentine's Day.
[That's Tina Belcher on the Fox series "Bob's Burgers"]
James* entered the world of polyamory at age 18, and finds the key to it being open communication, even with parents.
"It's much like any other relationship I'd assume, except with arguably more communication. This includes communication with parents — they know. Google calendar helps keep things organised, and again, communication."
...When it came to Valentine's Day, he said he and the partners he's had during the romantic holiday were not ones to celebrate it. However celebrating other romantic holidays, like Christmas, was something they did do....
● On the website of New Jersey's Asbury Park Press, Multiple Valentines? 3 facts about a Polyamorous Valentine's Day (Feb. 14). Mute your speakers; a brief video starts autoplaying (a few on-the-street interviews with bemused people who've never heard of the subject).
...Polyamorous Valentine's Day may be unfamiliar to some, but with hundreds of Facebook groups devoted to the subject, it appears to be a lifestyle picking up steam.
Here are three things to know about Polyamory and Valentine's Day.
1. First, let's start with the word itself....
2. Unsure what to get for your polyamorous Valentines? Cafe Press has you covered. There you can download multiple polyamorous themed greeting and Valentine's cards.
3. Polyamory may be more natural than you think....
Be sure to spend the holiday with the one, or ones, you love!
● Farther afield, in Nigeria's The Sun News: Polyamory: Strange world of couples who openly share lovers (undated but recent):
We are a devoted couple… with 100 lovers in 3 years
By Diana Appleyard
But she does not mind a bit, having had flings with more than 60 men herself in that time.
The pair are part of a growing movement called polyamory, in which couples allow each other full sexual freedom, while maintaining their love and respect for each other.
Polyamorous dating website openminded. com has 36,002 UK members out of 180,000 worldwide....
John and Claudia credit polyamory with keeping their relationship alive and are now planning to get married and have children.
They even say they would invite previous partners to the wedding....
It includes a list of "polyamory terms" that defines "cowboy" backward. The article was reprinted from the U.K.'s Sun, one of that country's trashiest tabloids, where it appeared last November 12th.
Labels: Valentine's Day