Mainstream reporters on poly need to get it right.
OkCupid's new setting that basically lets couples seek dates as a pair continues to serve as the hook for mainstream articles and broadcasts about polyamory.
Usually they're fairly accurate, but not always.
For instance, a writer at the The Independent, one of the U.K.'s leading newspapers, says "Polyamory is an umbrella term for intimate relationships that involve more than two people. The expression covers everything from swinging to triad relationships."
Well, no. At minimum polyamory means "multiples loves." Swingers tend to be more about play parties and often guard their emotional monogamy. And, there's that crucial bit about "with the knowledge and consent of everyone concerned." And despite what the article goes on to imply, it's not all about couples.
Otherwise, this piece is rather sweet:
Polyamory: Vaults' lead singer Blythe Pepino and her partner reveal why monogamy wasn't doing it for them
Whole lotta love: Blythe Pepino and Tom Jacob see other people (Micha Theiner)
Last month, dating website OkCupid added a function which allows couples to search the website for people to join their relationships. Chloe Hamilton meets a polyamorous pair to see how it works.
By Chloe Hamilton
I meet Blythe and Tom in a bar in Clapham. Blythe's pastel-pink hair is easy to spot from a distance. Slim, sandy-haired Tom sits beside her. As I approach, their heads are together and they're giggling softly. They look every inch the loved-up couple. I introduce myself and slide on to the sofa next to them, hoping three won't be a crowd. I needn't have worried.
The pair have been polyamorous from the beginning of their relationship after both realising, separately, that monogamy wasn't doing it for them. Polyamory is an umbrella term for intimate relationships that involve more than two people. The expression covers everything from swinging to triad relationships. Typically, these encounters involve sex, although it's not a prerequisite.
...The lead singer of the British band Vaults, Blythe Pepino, 29, and her partner, Tom Jacob, 27, agree to meet me to shed some light on what it's like to be non-monogamous.
...They have been an item for two years and live together in south London. Blythe also has a girlfriend, Alice, whom she's been with for over a year. Alice – an artist – lives in Bristol, so they don't get to see each other that often. Tom is seeing another girl, Sian, whom he met on Tinder. In addition to this, Tom and Blythe recently started dating a couple, Nich and Sonya, whom they met at a specialist club night in London. Blythe tells me they "fell in love with them as a couple" and now hang out regularly. Sometimes they go to the movies, sometimes they have group sex. Blythe and Tom also have one-night stands with people, although these happen less frequently. "I'm just not that good at them," Tom says.
A common misconception, they tell me right off the bat, is that people in polyamorous relationships don't get jealous. Both Tom and Blythe readily admit to having experienced feelings of jealousy at some stage in their relationship. The trick, they say, lies is how they deal with that emotion. Namely, through talking. Open and honest communication is essential to polyamory. Blythe and Tom tell me that whenever one of them sleeps with someone new, they schedule a meeting the following day to discuss what the latest tryst means for their relationship.
My eyes must widen at this point because they start to chuckle again. It all seems so well-organised. I'd imagined multiple-partner relationships to be driven by red-blooded lust and a desire to sleep with as many people as possible, but Blythe and Tom's account suggests there's quite a lot of admin involved, too. "It would be very disingenuous if I said it wasn't a lot of work," says Tom. "But it's so worth it."...
Read on (February 4, 2016).
The article has only 9 comments, some of them already calling out the author for her definition. Go add a comment, and/or tweet her: @chloehamilton.
● Here's another story to add to the list of those inspired by the OkCupid news: What It's Like To Look For Love On Tinder When You're Polyamorous (Mic.com, Jan. 15, 2015).
By Nayomi Reghay
When Marcus*, 37, messages someone on OkCupid, he always asks one question: "Did you read my profile?" Usually, the answer is no. "Then they'll say, 'Wait, you're MARRIED?!?!'," Marcus told Mic.
..."[One person said] 'I'm not going to help you cheat,'" Marcus told Mic. "And then there was a guy who was convinced if he went on a date with me it would break up my marriage."
From Marcus's point of view, that isn't likely. He's been with his wife for eight years. They have two children, and as of one year ago, when they agreed to open up their relationship, they are also polyamorous....