We were a top "dating trend of 2022." Six polyam workbooks! Black women's stories. And, polyamory & neurodiversity: how come?
● Quite a few of us are geeks, sometimes to the point of being neuroatypical.This was more true in the past when the polyamory movement was small and definitely farther out of the mainstream. But why? We've always had ideas, such as for instance in my Poly and neurodiversity: How come?
...As social experiences, both BDSM and CNM relationships emphasize honesty, negotiation, and communication.
In the past 20 years society has become increasingly aware of neurodiversity, especially in the fields of education, psychology, social work, therapy, and counseling. This greater understanding of the many ways in which brains work and how that impacts social interaction has permeated into kinky subcultures and polyamorous and other consensually nonmonogamous (CNM) populations.
...Author and educator John Elder Robinson classifies neurodiversity as the “result of normal, natural variation in the human genome” that can be supported and celebrated without pathology. Some academic researchers, psychologists, and neurodiverse folks argue that autism and related forms of diversity can be advantageous forms of “cognitive specialization” that provide benefits that “aid group survival.”...There is some controversy over whether neurodiversity is increasing or if it is simply diagnosed more often now that people are more aware of it. ......What unites all forms of CNM [consensual non-monogamy] is the consensual nature of the relationships, which involves informed negotiation among adults who structure their “designer relationships” to suit their individual needs.Why the Overlap?...As social experiences, both BDSM and CNM relationships emphasize honesty, negotiation, and communication. ... This expectation of explicit boundaries and the ability to negotiate relationships with boundaries that differ from conventional relationships can benefit folx who have autism or ADHD in several ways. Negotiation in both CNM and BDSM means that people can establish very clear expectations that do not require intuiting underlying meanings or intentions. ... Sometimes this involves explicit permission to ask for help or clarification if a situation seems to rely on unspoken social expectations. This can both relieve fears of bluntness being misinterpreted, and foster self-acceptance. ...
By Jenn Jackson“How can you let her just sleep with other people like that?” a Black woman once asked my husband. He laughed in response. “I don’t let her do anything,” he replied. “She is her (own) person, and her body and time belong to her. Just as mine belong to me.”The woman scowled, disappointed in his response. It wasn’t the first time we’d received this reaction. The woman’s incredulous tone, deep disgust, and feeling that I was just a person who couldn’t commit or wasn’t clear about my needs were familiar to me. I’ve also experienced assumptions that I was sexually lascivious and incapable of containing my urges. We’ve heard it all....For many Black people, especially women, compulsory monogamy, the idea that we have to be monogamous to be honorable and respectable, has also resulted in greater pressure to marry and have kids on frequently sexist timelines. The long-held racist and sexist ideas about the Black Family, many stemming from the 1965 Moynihan Report, have contributed to the pressure that many Black women feel to get married early and have children with straight men....Instead of considering polyamory as an issue, we should reframe our thought process. ... For Black women, who have long had their sexual and reproductive choices owned by patriarchal institutions – polyamory is a way to reclaim our bodies and choices from a male-centered world that stigmatizes sex, love, and all things feminine. The practice encourages us to explore our desires on our terms. ...
...Cara’s globe-crossing journey to speak to scientists, artists and activists includes a visit to Johannesburg polyamory activist and “self-love sangoma”, Muvumbi Ndzalama, who features in episode 5 of the six-part series, entitled “Monogamish”.Although polygamy is an accepted practice in South Africa, it still mostly only extends to polygyny, where a man has several wives. In contrast, polyandry, where a woman has multiple husbands, remains the subject of much heated debate [in South Africa, where it's up for government recognition –Ed.], making female polyamorist Muvumbi a unique voice in the conversation.Tell us your story and why you decided to take part in Planet Sex With Cara Delevingne?I think I’m one of the few African women that’s polyamorous and open to sharing my story with the world. I’m a pleasure activist, so it’s important to me that people see how other people are living so that they can reimagine their own lives. I’m very open and willing to talk about the relationship dynamics in my life.Growing up, did you assume that you were going to get married to a man and have children?Definitely. That’s the narrative we’ve all been fed, no matter where in the world you are. But as we grow, and we see what the world really is, we realise that’s not all it’s cracked up to be.At what point did you realise that narrative was not for you and there were other options?There are different sorts of love, aren’t there?Yes, and I felt those different sorts of love, whether that be from the community around me, the love from my mother, love from friends. But I guess I also realised that I can love people in the same way I love my intimate partner, just adding more people to that kind of love that’s meant to be reserved for one person, those kinds of “I’m in love with you” relationships. ......Do they get jealous of each other?Not really. There might be a bit of envy here and there but, actually, I’m usually the one that experiences jealousy around the partners. When you’ve been polyamorous for eleven years, you learn to deal with the jealousy monster. We get excited for each other and each other’s partners and each other’s happiness, even if that’s not something that we are causing or contributing to....What sort of reaction do you get from people?We live in a world of duality. There’s definitely a lot of “slut-shaming” and a lot of confusion. There’s a lot of making fun, but I also get a lot of people that resonate with me, a lot of people that say they’re grateful that I’m out here telling and sharing my story, and other people who say they want to experiment with creating polyamorous lives for themselves.What is your hope for the future?My hope is that people catch up to change collectively. If we can all just be a bit more tolerant and accepting of each other’s differences, there would be more peace.
...Through practical exercises, you will explore your own attachment history, examine your reasons for practicing nonmonogamy and the different styles of nonmonogamy that you relate to, and consider whether you rely on relationship structure for your attachment security. The Polysecure Workbook provides the tools needed to navigate the complexities of multiple loving relationships and to build personal security.
1. Communication is key....2. Honesty, at every step of the way....3. Find a safe space to explore ENM....
...“Is there something wrong with me? Am I a bad person?” No and no.It may be that it's time to consider ethical non-monogamy (also known as consensual non-monogamy)....Before you say, "No way!", take a moment to consider that, despite stereotypes about polyamory or other types of non-monogamy, it's not about a free pass to cheat or trying to "have your cake and eat it, too". It's about finding an honest system of relationships that works for you and your partner or partners.Of course, this comes with a big caveat: All partners should be aware of this relationship dynamic and are in agreement with it. ...Non-monogamy isn't for everyoneIf polyamory is not a viable option for you, for whatever reason, that is okay....I would recommend getting your thoughts out: write them down on paper, type them in your notes app, speak them into a voice memo, etc. ... Just get these out in some fashion. Because sometimes when ruminating, we do not process the full thought, or we are so focused on the emotion behind the thought that we lose perspective. ...Not all polyamory looks the sameUnder the umbrella of ethical non-monogamy (or ENM), we have:– Polyamory– Open relationships– Swinging– Casual sexThis is not an exhaustive list. ... All relationships are different. As such, sometimes commitment levels differ....Jealousy is a normal, valid, human emotion – one that is not solely reserved for monogamous relationship dynamics.As an aside, with jealousy, it is necessary to consider where this emotion stems from: Is it from the relationship itself? Is it from within you?Either way, it is worth communicating to your partner(s). If your jealousy stems from an unmet need in your relationship(s), this needs to be communicated.However, if this is some internal insecurity or anxiety, it is important to acknowledge this within yourself, perhaps to your partner(s) as well, and then make efforts to address this insecurity.————————————————————————————...Falling in love with more than one person can be terrifying and agonizing. But know that this does not reflect poorly on your character.If anything, it shows that you have much love in your heart.
By Anna Iovine...An increased openness — in multiple areas — has been burgeoning since 2021, where sexual exploration has been on the rise....Furthermore, open relationships are also becoming more acceptable. Thirty percent of singles on OkCupid — around 8.5 million singles — said they'd be interested in such a relationship. The dating app Hinge embraced different relationship styles by adding labels for monogamy and nonmonogamy. ...
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The Russian family-cartoon series Masyanya
turned dissident. Watch. The cartoonist has fled.
Update: a brilliant sequel of turnabout, and a
message of empathy in wartime.
Here was a country with a tragic history that had at last begun to build, with great effort, a better society. What made Ukraine different from any other country I had ever seen—certainly from my own—was its spirit of constant self-improvement, which included frank self-criticism. For example, there’s no cult of Volodymyr Zelensky in Ukraine—a number of Ukrainians told me that he had made mistakes, that they’d vote against him after the war was won. Maxim Prykupenko, a hospital director in Lviv, called Ukraine “a free country aspiring to be better all the time.” The Russians, he added, “are destroying a beautiful country for no logical reason to do it. Maybe they are destroying us just because we have a better life.”