"Two Men and a Babe"

The Stranger

In Seattle's weekly alternative paper The Stranger for July 6-12, kink columnist Mistress Matisse presents another in a series of polyamory interviews — this time involving herself:

When I tell people I'm polyamorous, one of the responses I sometimes get is: "How can two men share one woman?" I don't much like the way that sounds, like I'm a Flexcar or the TV remote. Max and Monk don't share me — I share myself with both of them. (Not at the same time, however. We're not a triad.) But let me have them tell you about it themselves.

How would you describe your relationship with me?

Max: Long-term committed partner. Primary. My true love. The person with whom I make long-term plans—retirement, joint property, travel, visiting relatives.

Monk: I'm your secondary partner, which in our case means we don't live together and we only see each other a few times a week. However, our relationship has evolved beyond just dating into a deep, long-term thing.

...What advice about jealousy would you offer someone who's beginning a poly-relationship?

Monk: Like it or not, when you date someone, you also have a relationship with their partner(s) as well. The question is, what kind of relationship? I like and respect Max, which has made things much easier. I like that we don't view each other as adversaries, or as someone that we must put up with for the sake of domestic tranquility. Treat your partner's other partners like you'd want to be treated if the roles were reversed.

Max: Expect bumps in the road. The idealized "we never have trouble" image people present probably isn't real. What's important is how you deal with the problems, not whether you have any. If you need to offer reassurance to a jealous partner, make it tangible, not just verbal, like extra time or more emphasis on communication. Know who you are and what you want, and be prepared to share that with your partners.

Read the whole article.