Loving More leaders go on the Rev. Barry Lynn show

Culture Shocks

Robyn Trask and Jesus V. Garcia of the Loving More nonprofit organization (it runs poly conferences and occasionally publishes Loving More magazine) recently went on Rev. Barry Lynn's radio talk show. They explained Loving More's mission, and themselves as a poly couple, quite excellently.

Rev. Barry Lynn is not that kind of Reverend. He's a leading civil libertarian and executive director of Americans United for Separation of Church and State — a big and effective lobbying group that keeps the theocrats from bending the government to their purposes even more than they already do.

His talk show is called Culture Shocks. It's on five stations. He was respectful, interested, and sympathetic.

Some highlights:

Robyn: The reason we do what we do, and why I believe in this, is about choices. There are a lot of different ways to have relationships, and yet we're only taught one way. And not everybody is going to fit into that one way of doing relationships. Monogamy can be a great choice for a lot of people — but it's not going to be right for everyone.

Jesus: ...One of the reasons why we put on the conferences and workshops and seminars is to educate people that polyamory is a choice for some, it's not a choice for others — that this is another viable option.

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Barry Lynn: Is there a tendency for polyamorous people to struggle with the same issues that a monogamous couple would struggle with, and lose partners over the same issues — money, jealousy, sexual incompatibility — and risk it happening more times because you've got more partners?

Jesus: Yes, I have seen that happen quite a bit. Polyamorous relationships do suffer a lot of the same things that monogamous relationships do. As far as the frequency [of those things], I'd have to say they may happen less than in monogamous relationships, mainly because one of the strongest focuses of polyamory is open, honest communication — where in order to be able to maintain more than one in relationship, you need to be able to communicate openly about everything with your partners. So those money issues, those relationship issues, they may or may not be as severe as in monogamous relationships, but they tend to happen with less frequency.

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Robyn: It's not necessarily about sex. It's really about the freedom to choose our relationships. For example, when you talk about commitment — Jesus and I have a very strong commitment: to honesty, to our relationship, and to our agreements that we've chosen to make. At the same time, it leaves me open to explore other levels of relationship. I had a partner at one point — not really a partner, but a very intimate friendship with a man — we weren't lovers, but he did sleep with me sometimes. And we weren't sexual. We just cuddled [laughs]. And often in monogamy I wouldn't have been allowed to have that kind of loving relationship with someone.

...It's something to explore, and to explore extremely cautiously. I say that because it takes a lot of honesty and a lot of good relationship skills. If you don't already have them, if you succeed at this you will.

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Robyn: About 40 percent of the poly community identifies as bisexual. [Apparently based on the survey of Loving More magazine readers a few years ago and other sources].

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Robyn: [Meeting one's metamours] can be quite fun. It also brings an intimacy to friendships and relationships, I've found, when I meet my partner's partner. There's an intimacy in that friendship — if you are friends, that is. You're not always going to like them. But when I do, it brings a deeper friendship with that person.

Listen to the whole show (Nov. 8, 2007).

Loving More is the only credible national organization supporting people who want to try this life and educating the public about it. I think it's doing an excellent job of explaining us to the world while respecting the very wide variety of viewpoints and attitudes under the poly umbrella.

With that in mind, I've donated quite a bit to Loving More and hope you will too. Right now they're money-limited. Their events struggle to break even; some do, some don't. I'm privy to the board of directors' discussions and decisions and can vouch that your donation will be used with integrity.

• The next issue of Loving More magazine should be out soon.

• On February 1 – 3, 2008, Loving More is putting on the third Poly Living conference, at a convention hotel just outside Philadelphia. Loving More is taking over and reviving Poly Living after this event failed to happen last year following the death of its originator George Marvil. (You can read my writeup of what Poly Living 2006 was like.)

• Loving More hopes to put on one-day hotel seminars for the polycurious in various cities in the coming year. The first two events in this new format have been held in Colorado and California and have proved a success.

• The more intimate Loving More weekend retreats continue in July and September in Northern California and upstate New York, respectively.

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P. S. Speaking of radio-type stuff: I've just started a new gig as the Poly in the Media reporter for Polyamory Weekly, the hugely successful podcast produced by host cunning minx. Listen to my first show (mp3 file). Yay!