"Just like that, we became a triad"

The Frisky

Everybody knows polyamory is hard — this is advanced graduate-level relationship stuff, it demands major self-analysis and communication skills, it'll test you bigtime, this ain't for wimps. Right?

Not always. The Frisky, a big webzine/blogsite for women about sex and relationships, presents an article by someone who's breezed right along as if she were born to it. Some people are.

I really didn’t know what polyamory was until I fell into it at 27. I was arguing one day with a couple I’d been sleeping with for about a month, when BAM! I ended up in a three-way relationship.

Just like that, we became a triad. It was easy and natural and we had such a good time! There was twice the energy and convenience of a normal relationship. We all had a lot going on, but when one of us was busy, the other two were still able to spend time together. Jealousy just wasn’t there. We didn’t have to ration out love. It multiplied.

On the negative front, our problems turned out to be really the same as anyone else’s. Dan did dumb boy things and I did dumb girl things and Ellie just watched calmly and loved us like a true negotiator. Our situation felt totally normal to us, so much so that we often forgot that people didn’t expect to see a man out for Valentine’s Day dinner with two dates, or three people snuggling together on a plane.

The only real trouble with being a triad came from the world around us.... It really sucked that we couldn’t be too open or affectionate without inviting gossip and discrimination....

And when things changed, it happened in a pretty common way. I finished school and wanted to move on to begin my career. Ellie got an excellent job offer in another city, and we moved there together. Dan stayed behind to continue his work, but planned to move there eventually too.

When Dan and I broke up a few months after the move, he and Ellie remained together, and he and I stayed friends. Sure, now it’s complicated, but what relationship isn’t?

Most importantly, I’m not worried about what the future holds — whether I stay with Ellie, whether she and Dan stay together, etcetera — because this whole situation, this love story, has changed the way all I (all three of us, really) view love.... One of the best lines I’ve heard came from a member of our poly discussion group back home: “A relationship’s value does not depend on its length.” Each stage of a relationship is a part of your life, and doesn’t have to last forever to be successful.

...Oh, and threesome sex is hot.

Read the whole article. (Aug. 4, 2008)

Also from The Frisky: "...we wouldn’t be surprised if, come fall, polyamory is the new lesbian is the new black."