"It Happened To Me: I'm In A Happy Polyamorous Relationship"

xoJane

Another writer I've never heard of explains her poly life to the world. This went up a few minutes ago at xoJane, a major online women's magazine that claims 2 million monthly readers. It's getting lots of nice comments.

It Happened To Me: I'm In A Happy Polyamorous Relationship

Our life is surprisingly boring, surprisingly simple, surprisingly normal.

By Rebecca Hiles

"Forgive them, they're starstruck." (Credit: xoJane)

Today someone asked if I still loved Jon, since I was with Winston all day, and was talking about my upcoming vacation with Kai. It was the silliest question I’ve gotten recently, though definitely not the first time I’ve heard it....

I know, I know. It seems SO DIFFERENT you guys. But it’s really not. I go to work, and Winston often takes the metro in when he wants to visit. Jon comes home and the three of us cook dinner and clean up together. We watch TV, or just talk, or just hang out. I skype with Kai on a regular basis, and visit him often.

Kai and I have been on and off in our relationship for 10 years. We have been best friends and lovers and partners. He’s amazing. And he fits in my life in such a way that I would literally feel as though I lost a piece of myself if I ever lost him.

Jon came into my life a bit later. We had an amazing love and relationship that was quite normative and monogamous for almost 3 years. Before we were engaged, we realized we were both poly, but we wanted to get some time with each other in our solo marriage before opening our relationship up.

That lasted about 6 months, before we both realized we were trying so hard to fit our idea on how to have a perfect marriage, that we were destroying our perfect marriage.

Winston is a newer relationship. He was in an open relationship with a long-time girlfriend. They have since split, and he’s still trying to figure himself out. I really care about him and I’m hoping that our relationship lasts for some time. Things with him are still new and exciting. I really love his company, and I can’t wait for him to meet Kai.

We fight. We have deep discussions. We feel jealous from time to time. We get annoyed from time to time, but we love each other. We are all free to see whomever we want, whenever we want, without prior approval from a panel of judges. Our relationships with other people are our own, the only rule is open honesty.

We have seen each other through depression and anxiety, through cancer, through health scares, through relationship drama and money issues. We aren’t all curled up at night in a giant poly pile, and often only share a bed if the spare bed is taken, which is rarely....

...I think it takes a specific type of person to do this whole poly thing....

For all the bickering, and the normal concerns about time and budget management, we are happy. We spend quality time with each other going to museums, the beach, the movies, bowling, or even just a nice dinner out. We make sure that we take time for ourselves in addition to spending time with our partners. I think that is really important.

It definitely takes a lot of work and energy to maintain more than one physical and emotional relationship. I feel that any relationships whether romantic, physical, familial, or platonic take a lot of work and energy to maintain. But I have never been happier or more at peace than I am with them.

The whole article (May 24, 2013), with comments.

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