"Considering polyamorous possibility"

Louisville (KY) Courier-Journal

The the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University runs a sex-information website called Kinsey Confidential, and it publishes a weekly advice column by the same name that it syndicates to newspapers. This week's popped up in the mainstream Courier-Journal of Louisville, Kentucky, and it may appear elsewhere.

Considering polyamorous possibility

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By Debby Herbenick

Q:I may be polyamorous and I think that it is coloring my read on other people. In particular, I am friends with a couple and I got the feeling during a recent visit that they were grooming me for the husband to make a move. He has always been very touchy-feely, but this time the wife made some odd comments kinda urging him to be more physically affectionate. I am unsure though and don’t want to ruin the relationship.

A: When you say you “may” be polyamorous, I’m assuming you mean that you are exploring the possibility that you may prefer, or be most inclined to, love and/or be sexually involved with more than one person at a time.... If you’re interested in being a part of more open relationships, you may want to explore books such as “The Ethical Slut” or “Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships.”

...Reading one or both of these books may give you some thoughts to consider and some ideas about how best to approach the situation. As you likely know, one of the cornerstones of any health relationship — whether monogamous or open — has to do with communication. If you’re considering involvement with this couple, or wondering about it, communicating with them will be very important — out of respect for yourself, but also out of respect for their existing relationship and marriage....

Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., is a research scientist at Indiana University’s School of Public Health, the sexual health educator for The Kinsey Institute, and author of “Sex Made Easy: Your Awkward Questions Answered for Better, Smarter, Amazing Sex.”...

Read the whole article (Nov. 6, 2013).

My quibbles are about 1) forgetting the "knowledge and consent of all concerned" part of the definition, and 2) only recommending books, without mentioning the vast poly resources available quick and free on the web or how to find your local poly support group(s) for in-person advice.

The "polyamorous possibility" in the title echoes the term that Elisabeth Sheff coined a while back for when a person knows that consensual multi-relationships are even possible — a radical and perhaps threatening realization. Sheff wrote about this just a few days ago at her Psychology Today blogsite:

Fear of the Polyamorous Possibility

Coming to the realization that there is an option to have openly conducted non-monogamous relationships is what I call the polyamorous possibility. Once people become aware that there is middle ground between monogamy and cheating they have grasped the polyamorous possibility, and can never unthink it again. They may reject the idea or decide to explore it further, but the potential for themselves or their partner to initiate discussion of a polyamorous relationship exists in a way it had not before they became aware that polyamory is a social option. In my research, I have found that three common reactions follow realization of the polyamorous possibility....

Read on (Nov. 4, 2013).

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