"How poly families handle stigma on/from their families of origin"

Psychology Today blogs

As promised, here's a link to Elisabeth Sheff's fourth post in her series on polys and their children, from research covered in her book The Polyamorists Next Door due out November 16th.

Polyamorous Families, Stigma, and Families of Origin

Like other sexual and gender minorities, polyamorists often have to navigate prejudice and stigma within their families of origin....

Some Will Never Know

Those polys with religiously devout and/or conservative families of origin often remain closeted....

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell

It is a time-tested strategy for some families with sexual or gender minority members to pretend that there is nothing unusual....

Ahhhhh FREAK OUT....

No Problem....

The Large Gray Area....

How Does that Work with the Kids?

Children growing up in poly families experience their interactions with extended family members in a variety of ways, largely dependent on how the adults interact with each other. Kids in poly families that are accepted and embraced into the extended family have a wealth of grandparents, aunts/uncles, and cousins, and often mention the extra birthday and holiday gifts as a fun advantage to poly families....

In other cases, kids in poly families report their grandparents trying to get information about their adult children’s relationships from their grandchildren. When grandma or grandpa asks the grandchildren about mom and dad’s relationship with that young woman who seems to be at the house all the time, things can get sticky. Younger kids often have no idea what the grandparent is talking about, but tweens and teens are generally well aware of exactly where this uncomfortable line of questioning is leading and will routinely either feign ignorance, be obtuse, or direct the grandparent to speak to their adult children about it.

Finally, kids in poly families who have been rejected by their families of origin generally don’t know their grandparents because the families have little to no contact. Occasionally the arrival of a grandchild will make recalcitrant grandparents who had previously shunned their poly children reconsider their positions and decide to accept the family in order to be able to see their grandchildren....

The whole article (Oct. 28, 2013).

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