In Israel, a family of three adults are declared the children's equal parents.

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Another step for polyfamily recognition: An Israeli judge, guided by "the best interest of the children," has granted a woman and her two gay male living partners equal co-guardianship of their children. Erez Benari from Seattle tells us,

This broke yesterday and hasn't been officially translated to English yet. An Israeli thrupple asked to legalize their non-traditional union by approving all 3 adults in the family (2 guys, one woman) to hold "legal guardian" status of their 2 children. Each of the men had a separate child with the woman, and now each of the dads is officially a father to both kids, as is the mother.

Hopefully, this is a first step towards a legal union between the adults.

The original article (Jan. 23, 2020) in Yedioth Ahronoth, reportedly Israel's largest-selling newspaper. Google Translate turns the Hebrew into English as follows:

The judge ruled: Mother, Father and Father

Orr, Gil and Glee formed a family and sought to register as co-parents of the two children born to them — each man as another guardian of a child who never came from his seed.

By Yoram Yarkoni

The Tel Aviv Family Court recognized triple parenting — a new family unit that includes Mom, Dad and more Dad as guardian. The two children born to three are officially siblings.

The state is in principle opposed to recognition of a family structure of three parents. ... The judge who recognized triple parenting is Yehoram Shaked. The decision that gave the three parents equal status to their children reads: "The children were created and born into a situation where they have three parents. Rejection of the lawsuit will have one and only meaning for the parties: Continued disobedience and conduct that does not benefit the minors or the whole family."

Judge Shaked further stated that when considering the best interests of the minors, the good of the whole family must also be taken into account. In the past, Shaked has made a decision on triple parenting, in another case with other legal circumstances, but is prohibited from [publicizing] and cannot [give details] about it.

...[The two men] living together wanted to have children. They contacted Glee, whom they knew, and together decided to start a single family with three parents. The pregnancy process took place abroad.

...The three parents' attorneys, attorneys Haggai Kalei, Danielle Jacoby, Carmel Ben Tzur and Carmit Mizrahi, argued that the request to add a guardian to each child came to reflect the reality in which the children live from their day of birth and that they consider themselves brothers for everything. The parents' attorneys said: "In the State of Israel there are thousands of families where children are born prematurely and intentionally to a loving family unit that includes three parents. In the LGBT community, this family structure is particularly common. But so far, the court has not given a proper response regulating the rights of these family [units]."

Itai Notak, a member of the Tel Aviv City Council and who assisted in the struggle of the three parents, said: "Life is stronger than conservative perceptions that our lives must not be waged."

Attorney Dalit Yaniv-Messer, a family law expert, said: "The importance of providing guardianship to a non-biological parent is that it has the right and duty to care for the minor's needs like his biological parents."...

This recalls a similar landmark ruling in Newfoundland, Canada, in April 2018.


Update February 11, 2020: Erez writes about another, similar case:

Another precedent set in my home country of Israel. A throupple of one man and two women has received a "Common law partner" recognition by the court.

The man, referred to as "R" in the article, was recognized as a common-law partner of one woman, but felt his connection with the 2nd woman ("N") was strong, so he took it to court with lawyer Shiri Robbins Golan. N says she signed a partnership contract with R because has has multiple financial assets and she wanted him to feel comfortable with their relationship, and not be concerned about her motives (as in, being financial rather than romantic).

Original article in Hebrew.

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That poly conference in Israel managed to happen, despite religious threats

The polyamory conference for psychology professionals in Israel, which was under fire from religious demonstrators (previous post), happened yesterday on schedule as reported in Haaretz, even though Bar-Ilan University administrators partially caved by limiting who was allowed to attend. And, we learn more about who orchestrated the opposition.

Scene at Bar-Ilan University in Ramat Gan

 
Religiously-oriented Israeli University Holds Confab on Polyamory Despite Uproar

Orthodox groups demonstrate against 'academic-therapeutic' conference at Bar-Ilan University, claiming the phenomenon encourages adultery

By Shira Kadari-Ovadia

A university in central Israel is holding a conference Tuesday on the treatment of polyamory, a phenomenon in which people engage in intimate, consensual relations with more than one partner or have a desire for such relationships.

The conference is taking place at Bar-Ilan University in Ramat Gan despite the fact that there were protests last week by religious groups, claiming that holding it constitutes encouragement of adultery.

The conference, being held as part of a training program in the university's department of social work for treating sexual problems, had been fully booked in advance registration. Scheduled speakers include academics, psychologists and sexual therapists.

Opposition to the event at Bar-Ilan – Israel’s only religiously-oriented university – was led on social media by the Liba Center, a conservative Orthodox group that in the past organized protests against women serving in the army and equal rights for members of the LGBT community.

Leading up to the conference, members of the group demonstrated outside the homes of senior Bar-Ilan administrative officials.

In response to the protests, the administration issued a statement stressing its commitment to academic freedom, adding: “Unfortunately, the people from the Liba Center, which is identified with extremist positions, is spreading information that is selective and not current regarding the conference, which is academic-therapeutic in nature."

The statement insisted the conference is geared "exclusively to professionals who are social workers and therapists" and that the university supports faculty members interested in holding business-like deliberations based on knowledge and research.

"By its nature, academia frequently deals with controversial social issues,” the statement concluded.

The original (February 5, 2019. Registration wall).

The article comes with promos for four previous polyamory stories in Haaretz, a prominent voice for secularism:

–  Who's afraid of polyamory? (Feb. 3, 2019)
–  I know my boyfriend's wife. We go out for coffee together." (May 27, 2017)
–  Is an open marriage the secret to keeping love alive? (July 26, 2015)
–  Polyamory: A product of deprivation or a cure for a monogamous rut? (March 26, 2016)


Also, in the Daily Sabah, a Turkish pro-government paper:

Uproar fails to stop polyamory event at religious Israeli university

...Over the past week, religious groups have been doing their best to have the seminar nixed.

A Facebook group against the event called "adultery at Bar-Ilan!" bears a logo of one of the Ten Commandments: "You shall not commit adultery."

Bar-Ilan University attracts many religious Jewish students and lecturers, and requires students to include Jewish studies in their degrees.

...Demonstrators believe the concept clashes with Jewish values. One of the protests was organized at an interchange outside the university at the time as the seminar.

An online petition to stop the seminar garnered more than 2,700 signatures. It states: "If you too think that this is a conference which is not moral and not academic, join us in our activities to cancel the adultery conference."

...Responding to a request for comment, Bar-Ilan said the conference is a professional one and "is not intended to encourage polyamory."

"Polyamory has become a more prevalent social issue and, as such, is of great interest to the sex therapist professional community in Israel," it said in a statement.

The whole article (Feb. 5, 2019).

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Speaking up for poly, under attack at Israeli university

Now a rational voice is in the news amid the furor at Israel's Bar-Ilan University, where the psychology department is set to hold a polyamory conference for therapists (see my last post). Haaretz, a leading Israeli newspaper with a liberal bent, ran this column today:

Who's Afraid of Polyamory?

For people who can’t find themselves in monogamy, polyamory offers alternative frameworks for their relationships based on commitment, sincerity, good will and love

By Lihi Rothschild

A conference on polyamory and psychological therapy is to go ahead as planned on Monday at Bar-Ilan University despite numerous objections from groups of conservative students. The students say the conference promotes unfaithfulness and moral depravity. The protests, including demands to cancel the conference, reached the doorstep of the university’s rector, Miriam Faust.

Polyamory is a lifestyle involving a number of simultaneous romantic and or/sexual relationships with the knowledge and consent of all involved. In recent years it has become increasingly popular in Israeli society, with many people experimenting with various forms of non-monogamous ties. Opposition to the conference is based on a distorted presentation of polyamory. Contrary to the claims by opponents of the conference, this lifestyle does not involve unfaithfulness but rather an open and conscious choice of non-exclusive sexual or emotional relationships.

The accusation that polyamory is responsible for the destruction of the monogamous family is also exaggerated. The normative couple does not fall apart because of polyamory, but rather because monogamy is a framework marketed as a glove that fits every hand, but like most one-size-fits-all garments, many people find that it isn’t the best fit for them. For people who can’t find themselves in monogamy, polyamory offers alternative frameworks for their relationships based on commitment, sincerity, good will and love.

When a polyamorous man or woman enters psychological treatment, they sometimes find themselves in a complex situation. Sometimes they have to spend the first session, or even several sessions, explaining what polyamory is, how it works exactly and how their life relationships work. In more difficult cases they encounter scorn over their lifestyle choice, or face all sorts of stereotypes which assume that non-monogamous relationships are unhealthy, unstable and even deviant.

Sometimes instead of the treatment that focuses on resolving the patient’s problems, it mistakenly assumes that polyamory is the source of those problems, and tries to correct it. Such therapy not only doesn’t help, it can be very harmful. ...

...The American Psychological Association has recently recognized the need to expand knowledge and awareness about polyamory among professionals, and over the past year established a committee to study the subject and establish guidelines for treatment. The Israel Psychological Association held a conference last March on the subject entitled “Polyamory – are there rules for love?”

Such research groups and conferences like the one to take place on Monday at Bar-Ilan can help start dealing with the lack of understanding, the stigma and ignorance in this area. However, it would be better in the future if greater efforts were made to bring in spokesmen and spokeswomen from the polyamorous community and therapists who have undergone training in this area.

In conclusion, a few words about academic freedom. The essence of academic life is to ask questions about social structures and phenomena. It is meant to track changes and developments in a critical manner. It is meant to make new knowledge accessible and encourage critical thinking about the world. The demand to make knowledge and academic discourse subservient to codes of Jewish law goes against the essence of the academic world.

It is regrettable that Bar-Ilan University has given in to pressure and restricted entry to the conference to professionals in the field. This is a decision that harms the purpose of the conference in that it creates the impression that this issue must be hidden from the public eye and restricted to researchers in the field, and this limits academic discourse. However, the rector, and the head of Bar-Ilan’s school of social work, Prof. Nehami Baum, are to be given full support for their insistence on holding the conference, even in its limited form, considering the objections.

Lihi Rothschild is a Ph.D. candidate at Manchester Metropolitan University. Her area of research is polyamorous and queer families in society and law.

The original (February 3, 2019. Registration wall.)

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Tumult grows in Israel over psychologists' conference on polyamory

Fury is building among religious conservatives in Israel over a conference by psychologists titled "Treatment Issues in Polyamory" scheduled for Tuesday, February 5th, at Bar Ilan University near Tel Aviv.

The psychology department's building at Bar-Ilan University

Rabbi Naftali Bar-Ilan, grandson of the university's namesake, has called the conference an insult to his grandfather's memory. The prohibition on adultery, he is quoted as saying, "is not subject to discussion, even under the guise of a scientific gathering, neither in public nor in private. Conferences should be organized to combat this phenomenon, bringing in professionals and experts who strengthen the institution of the family.”

Students are circulating a petition saying, “Is that what you call integration of Torah and academia? We strongly demand that the university stop this disgrace, immediately cancel the ‘adultery conference,’ and declare that it upholds family values in Israel and does not cooperate with all sorts of inventions against morality, Torah and family.”

The conference organizers are pressing ahead but have instituted security measures, changed the names of some sessions, and are cancelling registrations of attendees who are not psychologists or therapists.

Bar-Ilan University, originally founded with an Orthodox orientation, is one of the country's largest universities with about 33,000 students.

News of the dispute is spreading in Israeli media.

● From the Jewish Press, based in Brooklyn with a Modern Orthodox viewpoint: Rabbi Bar Ilan’s Grandson: Conference on Open Marriages Violates my Grandfather’s Memory (January 27, 2019)

...Rabbi Naftali Bar-Ilan said that “the founders of the university aspired to establish a high level academic institution that would not harm the supreme values ​​of the Jewish people. Not only that, but one of the seven Noahide laws that bind non-Jews is the prohibition against incestuous relations,” stressing that billions of people around the world adhere to it.

...Bar-Ilan University issued a response saying, “The professional conference, as its name suggests, deals with treatment issues and is not intended to encourage this phenomenon. This is a new social phenomenon that resonates [in the public arena] and is being discussed by the professionals. The School of Social Work, attentive to the public arena, which has been among the few to engage in training sexual therapists for 12 years, thought it necessary to address the issue. Despite the fact that this issue is controversial, conference organizers believe it requires professional discussion based on knowledge and clinical research.” ...

● In the Times of Israel: Bar-Ilan University’s polyamory conference draws fire from students, professors (Jan. 30)

...The three-hour conference, which will be held on February 5 at the university’s Ramat Gan campus, is titled “Treatment Issues in Polyamory.” It will include talks by professors from the psychology and gender studies departments titled, “On Polyamory, Open Relationships and Judgment in the Therapeutic Space,” and “Polyamory — Fusion and Healing in the Face of Fracture?” Organizers specified that it is intended for therapists only and will be closed to the general public.

Over 600 opponents signed a petition calling for the conference to be canceled, claiming it supported dismantling families, and saying it was “shocking to think about a child growing up in a house full of this kind of betrayal and fornication,” the Israel Hayom daily reported.

Protesters hung signs over the weekend in the area around the campus that read “Adultery at Bar-Ilan,” according to the right-wing Israel National News site. Other opponents held a protest outside the home of the university’s rector.

“Although in academia there is the idea of freedom of expression at a scientific conference and this is very important,” said Professor Ely Merzbach, “the polyamory conference organized by the school of social work does not appear academic at all; it offers treatment methods that are completely against the Torah, the sacred values of most of the university population and the structure of the family.”

The organizers changed the structure of the conference following protests, with “the goal of better reflecting its professional face more accurately.” ...

● And today in Arutz Sheva / Israel National News (identifying with Religious Zionism): Growing criticism of polyamory event at Bar Ilan University (Jan. 31)

Religious Zionist university ramps up security ahead of the scheduled conference highlighting open marriages amid demonstrations, petitions.

The controversy surrounding a conference highlighting the subject of polyamory that is scheduled to take place at Bar Ilan University refuses to die down.

The event has caused an uproar at the institution, with upwards of 2,000 students and faculty alike signing a petition this week protesting the event as one that "destroys families". Demonstrations have also been held outside the house of Bar Ilan University Rector Miriam Faust and students received emails and text messages imploring them to flood university management with complaints.

...According to the blog 'The Hottest Place In Hell', the university has ramped up security to an "unprecedented level" after the moderator scheduled to host the event said that she feared for her physical safety.

Meanwhile, booklets promoting the conference have been changed and do not include racy quotes that graced the original version. In addition, a lecture that was formally titled "A Painful Compromise Whose Name Is Polyamory" has been renamed and is now called "Polyamory: Associations Of Impulse And Anxiety And Clinical Patterns In Professional And Public Attitudes To The Phenomenon".

...A slew of restrictions have also been imposed regarding who is allowed to attend the controversial conference. "At first, no restrictions were imposed on registration for the conference, but the second leaflet stated clearly that 'the conference is intended for therapists and early registration only," reported The Hottest Place In Hell. "People who registered and paid received a cancellation notice."

● The previous instances of Israeli poly in the news here, few and surely incomplete, are more positive (after this one; scroll down).

● Here's the Polyamory Israel Facebook group, in Hebrew. Can someone tell me if anything's going on there about this? Please reply in the comments here.

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"Meet the Israeli spreading the gospel of polyamory"

Haaretz

Polyfolks need community in order to thrive and flourish, and I wonder if that's really happening here:

'I Know My Boyfriend’s Wife. We Go Out for Coffee Together'

Masha Halevy

Meet the Israeli spreading the gospel of polyamory

By Rotem Starkman and Ronny Linder-Ganz

Masha Halevi, a 44-year-old Israeli woman from Shoham, did her doctorate in geography on places sacred to Christianity. So it may be surprising that her status today, in total contradiction to the view of Christianity — or most other religions — is married + boyfriend....

Four and a half years ago, on her 40th birthday, a dramatic change took place in her life.... “I discovered that there’s such a thing as an open relationship. I told my husband that that was what I wanted.” Her husband’s initial reaction was firm opposition. But after two months of discussion and hesitation, he agreed to try. ... Today she has a husband and a boyfriend. ... “My boyfriend is married in an open marriage and he has a family, so that it’s balanced.” ...

She began telling her friends. Two and a half years ago she wrote a revealing post on Facebook, and very soon was being interviewed on television. [This show.]

It was after she had gone public that Halevi began to feel uneasy. “I felt that I had to prove that I was normal in other ways. For example, I needed my daughter’s hair to be combed and her ponytail in place, so people wouldn’t think that I was a mother who neglected her children while she's spending time with her boyfriend. I still didn’t know if the people around me knew. It was quiet.”

“At a school event I quietly asked one of the fathers, who was a friend... whether people knew about me. He told me that when I was interviewed by Amnon Levy on TV, within an hour, everyone in Shoham knew, there were WhatsApp messages and phone calls — 'Turn on the television quickly.' And then, next to the food table, one of the mothers said to me, 'You probably know what I think.’ But I didn’t know. There I was, standing there, waiting for her to hand down her judgment, while she was piling food on her plate. Finally, she told me, 'I really envy you.' But not everyone is envious, some of them judge me.”

When Halevi, who now runs a website called “From Monogamy to Open Relationships,” began to analyze [hostile comment] responses, she realized that what people were reflecting was “a shakeup of the most basic world order. If it’s possible to question something as axiomatic as monogamy — where does that leave us? ... Polyamory really is shaking up things, because it allows you to take apart everything that used to be included in a single package. ... For the government and the bureaucracy, that’s problematic. ... Monogamy is convenient for the bureaucracy and provides a wrapping of security, but it also destroys the relationship. Many people either cheat or feel that they’re missing out on something.”

The piece goes on to interview her directly, including these interesting bits:

Q: Some people say that polyamory is a capitalist consumer concept — sanctifying choice, taking what you need from each person - money, sex, family life, security.

A: “Monogamy is a consumer concept to the same degree. Both are strategies for fulfilling needs. Monogamy is a solution for needs such as security, certainly. Non-monogamous relationships are a solution for things like freedom, excitement, for some people sexuality.”

Q: Who usually initiates the opening of a marriage?

A: “Almost always the woman. I think it has an element of female empowerment, because throughout history, men were free to cheat or to marry additional women. ... Women didn’t have that freedom until the advent of financial independence and birth control.... So I think it’s a continuation of female empowerment, and it’s no coincidence that more women choose it.”

Read the whole article (May 25, 2017).

She is not the only out Israeli poly activist, and this is not the first treatment of the subject in Israeli media; here are the four that have crossed my very spotty foreign radar (including this one; scroll down). And as for community, I see there is a Polyamory Israel Meetup. Do any of you readers know if this the tip of an iceberg?

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An Israeli newspaper looks at poly

One flower, by Assaf Benharroch

The liberal Israeli newspaper Haaretz just ran a long think-piece titled Polyamory: A product of deprivation or the cure for a monogamous rut? The subheading:

Polyamory means 'a multiplicity of loves,' and its aim is to overcome monogamous routine without resorting to lies and cheating. Who are the people drawn to this practice, and why are women are the ones leading the charge?

The article, by Gabriel Bukobza, was public when I read it yesterday but now it's behind a paywall. It was long rumination (called a "thumb sucker" in the newspaper biz) based on the author meeting people in Israel's poly community. The author found two distinct branches of the community: fluid young people of evenly mixed gender, and an older cohort of marrieds in their 30s and 40s in which women stand out as leaders and advocates. Much like in North America and Europe.

The author ruminated further about how this way of life brings more love and community, and addresses the boxed-in staleness that's the fate of most married couples. But, she says (as I recall), it has a certain superficiality that's doesn't match long-term monogamy. This she ties to people having been deprived of secure bonds with their parents in childhood, or something. She's a psychologist.

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Long TV report on polyfolks in Israel

A 42-minute report on polyamory recently appeared on Israel's mainstream Channel 10 TV. It's mostly in Hebrew. Ofek at tvuna.org tells us, "Brave families, even with children, went out of the closet in a fairly positive TV [report]. It emphasized that polyamory is the future and that people who choose this path want acceptance. The highlight of the show is the 12 year old daughter who tells the annoying interviewer that she is happy her parents found a way to be happy."

^

If javascript version above fails to display, watch here (March 10, 2015).

The show's blurb, via Google Translate:

The true face of open relationships

How would you feel if your wife tells you she was in love with another man? Would you accept that your husband slept the night with a lover? How do you live with several mates? And how do the children feel? A glimpse into the lives of families who decided to kick all normative conventions.

The comments on the show's Facebook page are brutal, according to a thread that got going on reddit/r/polyamory. Some commented that we're seeing the difference between secular, liberal Tel Aviv and conservative, religious Jerusalem.

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P.S.: About his group tvuna.org, Ofek writes,

TVUNA means "raw wisdom" — we started by going out on [raw food] foraging trips for several days at a time — and re-discovered eden. Magic happens when a group of people willingly choose to take care of their economy in most simple and direct way — and collectively. From this we realized the need for a tribe, questioned ownership of land and food, and from this ownership in general — naturally progressed to a more tribal view of relationships and wider view of intimacy.

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An Israeli report on a Loving More retreat

Ma'ariv

One of Israel's main newspapers, Ma'ariv, sent its New York correspondent to the annual Loving More conference retreat in upstate New York last September. Only now did I find the article that resulted (thanks, Robyn and Jesus!). Here it is in the original Hebrew (Oct. 9, 2009). The following is adapted from a Google Language Tools machine translation:

It's Saturday, 7:15 in the morning. Jesus Garcia and Robin Trask have spent the summer night in their romantic wooden shack. Robin kisses Jesus, sliding her hand on his long hair before she goes to wake Ben in the next room. For close to half an hour she and Ben shut themselves there. But time has its own rhythm where clothes are optional, a distant bell heralds the meals, and for cell phone reception you have to drive 20 miles.

Robin and Ben curl up in bed. A long time passed since the last time they met. He lives in New York, she in Colorado. "I'm happy for her," says Jesus, 35, a computer professional of Mexican descent born in California. "I know that Ben makes her happy, and when she is happy, I am happy."

For three years Jesus and Robin have been together. They recently purchased land in Colorado and began to plan their new home. "Building the house will take several years," explains Garcia. Meanwhile, the window of the cottage overlooks a breathtaking view of the Hudson Valley, beyond sloping fields of crops: organic food being raised for the guests here at Easton Mountain Resort, three hours' drive north of Manhattan.

A few minutes later, in the main conference site, Robin and Ben are holding hands, exchanging kisses and demonstrable affection, cuddling like high-school students at the movies. Jesus comes to them from time to time, whispering something in Robin's ear. Through the morning you can see the three exchanging hugs and cuddling with each other, and to each other [photo].

For the dozens of visitors here — a place where "body, mind, heart and soul unite," as a sign heralds at the entrance — there is nothing unusual about such a romantic triangle being celebrated before their eyes....

Read the whole machine translation. The article profiles, carefully and accurately, many people who attended the Loving More gathering and what brought them there.

P.S.: Here's a Polyamory Israel blog, with other Israeli and Jewish links.

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